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April 15, 2016
Goodbye, Oz
The sun is setting over Pittwater Bay, close to the Northern Beaches of Sydney, Australia. A cool tropical breeze moves the palm trees across the pale blue sky. Our son, Connor, is off with our friend’s 16-year-old son, Tallis, and my bride, Candace, is teaching her last private yoga class before we head home.The wind is picking up, as do the wind chimes, the parakeets chatter, and for all the noise, a quiet begins to descend.
I’m sitting at the old, long wooden table I spent early hours several years ago writing One Less. One More. Same computer, same spot, and yet now it feels like ages ago and world’s away. And tomorrow, like every trip, we must leave.
From our birth, we are saying goodbyes. We must leave our mother’s womb in order to begin life. We must leave home to go to school and off to work. As we age, we say goodbye to loved one’s, sometimes in a move, at other times in death. That is the cadence of our existence. From one spot to the next. Sometimes by choice, often not.
I’m much better at hellos than I am at goodbyes. On arrival, I’m the big dancing bear, full of joy and exuberance, usually bearing gifts and an abundance of chatter. And when I leave, I’m quiet, feeling smaller, and often, sad. Yet I know for every goodbye, there is another hello. Even at the end of my life, in my belief system, there will be another hello, a new journey, an opportunity to share and expand my love.
Goodbye Australia. Goodbye Sydney. Thank you a million times, thank you, Lollback Family. Thank you, a2 Milk company. Thank you to the NSW fire fighters, Church Point, Lindt Cafe, Port Stephens, Bondi, Coogee, GroupM, AuthentInk, and more and more. We leave fulfilled, grateful, excited for our new adventure, and yet, in truth, a bit sad. Because when you give all of your heart and soul to something, you leave that energetic part of you behind.
Australia, I bow to you in thanks.
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March 2, 2016
January 16, 2016
Dear Ted Cruz…
Dear Senator Ted Cruz,
Do you know why New York City is the number one tourist destination in the world?
Do you know why the Statue of Liberty National Monument stands proudly in our harbor?
Do you know why we attract countless courageous young people who know that although we’re one of the most competitive cities in the world, it’s absolutely true, that if you can make it here, you really can make it anywhere.
Do you know why New York City has more houses of worship per square foot than any other place on the globe?
Do you know why New York City residents live longer than the national average?
Do you know why we openly welcome conservatives and liberals, straight and gay, white and black, Jews, Christian, Muslim, and Atheists, agreeable or discordant, rich, poor or moderate?
Do you know why New York City is the number target for terrorism?
Because of our values.
Because we’re the city that doesn’t care where you’re from, what you do, how you got here, or what you stand for. Our overwhelming value, the undeniable character that runs through our DNA, is greatness. New York City is dedicated to supporting anyone, everyone, who consciously chooses excellence as their primary focus. We’re not perfect, and we’re dearly flawed.
But it’s our values, our love of life, our belief that a truly exceptional city can and should make a difference in the world by inspiring EVERYONE to rise higher, be better, and help others. Those are our values, Senator Cruz, and if you really want to become president, visit the 9/11 Memorial WTC NYC, Saint Patrick Cathedral, Temple Emanu-El, the Abyssinian Baptist Church, Coney Island USA, Yankee Stadium, and Citi Field, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York, the Empire State Building, Central Park, go to a show at Lincoln Center Theater, or walk across the Brooklyn Bridge to name a fraction of what makes New York City great, and see if beyond your rhetoric, you feel the same way.
I’m betting, if you come visit us and start experiencing our great New York City, about 8.4 million people will quickly and forever change your mind.
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December 14, 2015
Secret Santa
Serene Green, one of our favorite local farm stands is giving away potatoes for the holidays. Prior to their closing for the season on Christmas Eve, owners, John and Laura Smith, placed a large crate filled with gorgeous, eastern Long Island soil-covered, fresh potatoes outside their front door with a big sign announcing, “Merry Christmas from Serene Green – Help yourself to Local White Potatoes (no charge).”
Facebook founder, Mark Zuckerberg, and wife, Priscilla Chan, announced over the course of their life, are giving away 99% of their Facebook fortune, said to be worth over $45 billion. In perspective, imagine Mr. Zuckerberg, 31, lives another 60 years, which would average an annual charitable gift of approximately $750 million annually, or approximately $63 million a month for the remainder of his life. That’s not chump change.
Across the country, several wealthy individuals, working with local law enforcement and first responders, are giving away hundreds of thousands of dollars to random people as an act of Secret Santa. In Moline, IL, a needy family answered their door to find a freshly decorated Christmas tree, a teddy bear, and a note from Santa. In Pittsburg, KS, The Colonial Fox Theatre, a local landmark, had fallen under disrepair and closed, and now, with a $250,000 donation from a Secret Santa, the theatre will be restored. And in Pittsburgh, PA, a local businessman who wishes anonymity, is walking the streets giving away over $100,000 in $100 bills.
In Freemont, OH, the Grace Community Church created the “You’ve Been Gifted Program,” encouraging members to perform random acts of kindness. In Tupelo, MS, the All Saints Episcopal Youth Community, go out into the community to give away money and also perform unsolicited acts of kindness.
Beyond all the political name-calling, acts of terror, and talks of global warming, there are countless wonderful, kind and compassionate acts of giving across America. We are a nation of generosity and goodness, a culture of people who truly care about our neighbors, community, and, ultimately, humanity. Please, don’t allow the loud voices of the negative few drown out the glorious soft and gentle voices of the benevolent, concerned and charitable many.
In my book, One Less. One More. I write in Chapter Nine,
“Entitlement is another form of resistance to your heart’s calling; more feedback demonstrating the ego’s feeble attempt to control the universe. You heart understands the benefit of serving humanity, while the ego believes you are entitled to humanity serving you. Choose less entitlement and more service.”
If you truly want to be happy, feel good, and experience a connection to humanity, give. Give freely, give often, and give with joy. And, if you’re like Serene Green, the Zuckerberg’s, and all the Secret Santa’s who are already giving, thank you.
Happy holidays, and may you continue finding peace in your heart, a pep in your step, and goodness throughout every day of your life. Namaste.
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October 15, 2015
September 19, 2015
Clarity of Vision. Clarity of Purpose.
Note to Hillary Clinton: Never let a crisis go to waste.
Crisis, as I outline in my book, One Less. One More., comes from the Greek krisis, which means decision, trial or test. So, every crisis reveals some truth (a brewing financial crisis, a revealing sickness, a cheating spouse, a weather-related act of God), and your response/reaction to it. So, in crisis, it’s NEVER what happens to you. It’s what you (or a leader, company, celebrity, person) does with the crisis, what you can learn, and how to, ultimately, grow and use it your advantage. For just those moments, when the world is focused in your direction, be prepared to use the opportunity to regain trust, express what you stand for, and demonstrate why you are worth following.
This is why we love redemption stories, where people lose everything, and yet they come back strong, saying, “This ain’t going to beat us!” However, it’s difficult connecting with leaders or candidates who when in trouble, attempts winning appeal as a victim, and blames his or her troubles on everyone and everything else. It doesn’t work. Choose one: victim or a victor.
So, what’s the difference? In politics and leadership it’s always clarity (the opposite of opacity or confusion) of vision and purpose. It’s the difference between a candidate or leader, speaking from their head, saying what they think will get them elected, which feels staged and manipulative, or speaking from their heart, which is compassionate and inclusive. It’s the difference between considering yourself a competitor or a champion.
What do the current 2016 presidential candidates stand for? Now that this round of Republican debates is over, who appears victorious, and why? Clarity of vision. Clarity of purpose. At this stage of the game, it doesn’t matter that Carly Fiorina doesn’t smile much, or that Ben Carson is too relaxed, or that Donald Trump keeps making gaffs. These candidates continue monopolizing the conversation because of their clarity of vision and steadfastly remaining on purpose. For example, Mr. Trump recently came under criticism for not correcting a supporter for calling President Barack Obama a Muslim. Remaining true to form, Mr. Trump responded on Twitter Saturday morning,“Am I morally obligated to defend the president every time somebody says something bad or controversial about him? I don’t think so!” The Democratic candidate, Bernie Sanders, also consistently remains on point. Like him or not, Mr. Sanders continues gaining momentum and support because of his clarity of vision and purpose.
Regarding Hilary’s email situation: Again, clarity (or in this case, an absence of clarity) in her communications. What is her position on the email situation? Her actions and communications seem dismissive, as though she’s bothered or disturbed that this is getting in the way of her presidential run. Although Mrs. Clinton’s appearance on Jimmy Fallon was both funny and humanizing, so much of Mrs. Clinton’s communications are calculated and issue specific (from the head), and absent of a greater passionate purpose and vision (from the heart). To win both hearts and minds, Mrs. Clinton needs to express why this run is bigger than just her personal desire to be president, and why, she is a champion for something so important, something so grand, that she won’t — can’t — stop in her quest to lead this nation. Is there anything to this email controversy? At this point, it doesn’t matter. The wheels are in motion, and until the truth is vetted and reported, the elephant remains in the room. Just because Mrs. Clinton and her camp says there’s no there there, doesn’t make it so, or less important. Yet every day potential supporters don’t experience Mrs. Clinton’s burning desire to run this country, and don’t have the opportunity to connect with her on an feeling, emotional, heartfelt level, the greater chance someone else will step in and fill that void.
The world has changed. Shifted really. There is an awakening, a transparency, to clarity. It’s okay if we don’t agree with someone. It’s okay if someone stands for something we don’t believe in. But to win, to be rewarded, to excel, you must be able to articulate a clarity of purpose, your reason for being, and why you stand for something bigger than yourself. Today, we want our companies, leaders, politicians, partners and community to be authentic and clear. No ambiguity. No manipulation. No smoke and mirrors. Clear and transparent.
To win, to overcome a crisis, for people to move in your direction, remember: clarity of vision, clarity of purpose.
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June 29, 2015
Bridgehampton High School Seeds
Bridgehampton, NY – Yesterday during a rainstorm, I gave the 104th Bridgehampton High School commencement address to the graduating Class of 2015, and I couldn’t have been prouder.
Although my main message was (what else?), to follow your heart, be happy, change slowly, and every day for the rest of your life, do the math of One Less. One More., I also spoke about seeds.
You see, the graduating class of Bridgehampton High School consists of four students. Just four. And yet, even though there were close to 100 people in attendance under the big white tent, I kept hearing an underlying tone of being a small and “little class.” If you went deeper and listened closely, many were apologizing for what they felt would be an unimportant and insignificant event for me. Nothing was further from the truth.
Ego does this. Ego is the loud voice in our head that constantly judges and looks for reasons to compare us to others, mostly with the result of feeling bad. Ego always wants more, bigger, better, to judge ourselves and others as somehow better or worse, richer or poorer, black, white, gay or some other false, useless standard or measuring stick. The difference comes when we shift from our judgmental head, to our open and compassionate heart, seeing every person and every moment as a miracle, a gift.
I started my speech yesterday with the reminder that you can always count the number of seeds in one apple. That’s the math of the ego. Yet, when we come from the heart, we see the wonder in each apple’s potential, and realize in awe, that we can never, ever, count the number of apples that will eventually emerge from one seed.
Yesterday I stood before four beautiful, glorious seeds: Hayley Lund; Daniel Denton, Claudio Fiqueroa, and Jada Pinckney, the 2015 graduating class of Bridgehampton High School. Regardless of the class size, when these graduates go out into the world, and courageously choose to follow their hearts and pursue their dreams, goals and desires, they will meet with unimaginable success and happiness, simply because they are fulfilling their purpose as a glorious, abundant, universal seed of pure potential.
Go Bees!
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June 22, 2015
Personal Growth Leads to Leadership Growth
If you are not growing as a person, you are not growing as a leader. I recently published a six-part series on the heroic journey that awaits leaders who tackle challenges and opportunities in order to achieve greatness for their organizations. How can your heroic journey can drive personal growth and help you reach your highest leadership potential?
The heroic leadership journey calls upon Joseph Campbell’s narrative framework to help leaders see their paths forward and navigate the predictable (and unpredictable) head and tail winds. It consists of six phases: The Call, Resistance to the Call and Meeting Mentors, Threshold Crossing, the Journey, the Supreme Ordeal and Victory, and the Return Home.
Here are a few tips on how you can leverage the first three phases of your heroic journey as a leader for exponential personal growth and success:
Phase I: The Call.
If not you, who?
Answering the Call to drive positive change in your organization takes commitment. Unyielding confidence in your mission is essential for success. Give your confidence a boost by completing the following stem sentence three times.
I am the perfect person to lead this effort because I am:
1.
2.
3.
Keep your “perfect person” statements close at hand. They will help sustain your confidence every step of the way.
Phase II: The Resistance and Meeting the Mentors
What will your ROI be?
Leaders often resist the Call because they face the greatest of all fears—fear of the unknown. Often, a mentor or sage must come along to offer advice and encouragement before the leader feels ready to counter the resistance. You can be your own best mentor by visualizing the positive that will come from achieving your goals. Increase your optimism quotient by exploring the potential Return on Investment (ROI) of dealing with the unknown in these three categories: learnings, experiences, and rewards.
What will we learn?
What will we experience?
What will we achieve?
Phase III: Threshold Crossing
How did you do that?
Crossing the threshold marks the first irreversible step of your heroic journey. It takes extraordinary courage because there is no turning back. This is the perfect time to re-visit moments in your past when you mustered true courage.
Identify three times when you as a leader acted courageously. Ask yourself, “How did I do that?” Recall the details of those moments. Realize that summoning courage is something you already know how to do. In your current situation, think about how you need to apply your courage to cross the threshold.
I need the courage to take the following actions:
1.
2.
3.
Becoming an effective leader is as much an internal process as an external one.
As you move forward full-throttle toward achieving your goals, the foundational confidence, optimism and courage you develop in the first three phases of your heroic journey will serve you well. What is more, you will continue to grow in these three crucial attributes as you chart your course toward positive change.
Dr. Kathy Cramer, Ph.D., is a best-selling author, speaker, coach, trainer, executive consultant and frequent contributor to Psychology Today and Forbes . For more information on the Leader’s Heroic Journey go to leadpositive.com. You can also check out Kathy’s infographic series or download her free eBook.
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June 15, 2015
The Last Drop-Off and the Beginning of Something New
I pulled into the Pierson High School drop-off area, waited for favorite daughter, Molly, to grab her heavy blue knapsack and get out of the truck. She smiled and said, “I love you, Daddy,” blew me a kiss, closed the door and headed for her last day of classes. Pulling away, it hit me that this was the last time I would ever drop my daughter off at high school, and I began to sob.
Now, as favorite son, Connor, graduated from UMass Amherst, and Molly graduated high school with honors and is headed off to Gettysburg College, I’ve been crying a lot lately. Yet in truth, my crying is mostly from an overwhelming sense of joy, gratitude, wonder and awe. How did I become the luckiest man on the planet?
It’s no secret I came from a broken home, became both a drug addict and homeless at 17, and never got the opportunity to graduate high school with my class. I never went to college, and after a failed marriage at 20, I swore I would never get married again or have children. Until I met Candace 12 years later. Because of my past, I was terrified at the thought of having kids, although it soon wouldn’t matter, as a couple of years into our marriage, we were informed we would never have children. Candace was devastated, I was relieved. And then, almost five years into our marriage, Candace astonishingly got pregnant with Connor, and then again two years later with Molly. Now it was my turn to feel devastated and Candace was relieved.
I hadn’t a clue about parenting, and found myself detached and singularly focused on my work. Connor was born and then Molly, and over time, with Candace’s compassionate patience, guidance, and Irish Catholic humor, I soon began falling in love with the children, as they were falling in love with me.
Once our children started pre-school, I insisted that if in town and not traveling, I would take them to school. We lived first in New York City, and I would walk the kids to school, hand-in-hand, never quite finishing our conversations before arriving just before the first bell. We hugged, kissed, performed secret hand slaps, and reminded each other of our love. We moved to Sag Harbor, New York, and the tradition of taking my children to school never ended, from elementary, and then middle and high school. Every day, Candace and I would get up before our children, make them breakfast, help them get ready for their day, and take them to school. And this morning, nothing changed. I was up early, said my prayers and meditation, woke Molly, fed the dog, prepared French toast, as Candace made sure Molly had everything she needed for her last day. Today, everything seemed normal, at least as it’s been over the last 17 years of raising our children. Tomorrow will be new and different.
In August, when Molly starts college, we will have one last drop-off. If anything like Connor’s first day of university, it will be fast, mostly drama free, and in less time than I would like, Molly will disappear with her new friends and classmates to start her next adventure. It’s all part of the process of raising children and letting them go. Life’s eternal breath: in and out.
Life is to be experienced and expressed, a journey of exploration and storytelling. For me, although I had a rough start, I am blessed beyond reason. A fairy tale marriage of 26 years, two children who honor us every day, and a God so magnificent, that He saved a wretch like me. Today’s last school drop-off is another reminder that our lives are moments, one after the next, yet still a culmination of experiences that require our daily presence, both in quality and quantity. And the beauty of our lives is that we can start now, in this moment, and build from here.
Today is the last day for the rest of my life I will drop one of my children off at high school. And tomorrow, I, like my entire family, will begin a new day believing we were born to follow our hearts and be happy. We will choose less of what isn’t working, and courageously and enthusiastically choose more of those things that move us in the direction of our dreams and desires. That is the elegant math of One Less. One More. Yes, today is the end of a chapter. And tomorrow, the beginning of something new. And I am very excited.
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