Byddi Lee's Blog

Last night I dreamed I was gearing up for another round of IVF. I woke in a confused haze of hopeful energy and laughable self-realisation that at 56 years old, I’d not be self-injecting hormones any time soon but rather rubbing them on my skin in a menopausal attempt to retain my humanity!

It wasn’t until lunchtime, when the news re-ran an item that I’d seen last night about a groundbreaking innovation in IVF that helped certain genetic diseases, that I realised what had sparked the dream. The article interviewed a sixteen-year-old girl with the genetic condition. When she said she was looking forward now to motherhood, it made me immensely sad. Sad for her, in case other factors came into play that thwart her dreams of motherhood, and sad for me because I’d spend so many years chasing down that same dream only to have to let go of it.

It’s fourteen years since I gave up trying to be a mother, and I’m disappointed that there are moments when I still weep about it. Most of the time, I’m fine. Most of the time. But boy, when it snags – it hurts.

That’s why writing “Barren” has been so good for me. It gave me space to grieve, to reshape and rebuild. But better than that, something completely unexpected has happened because of “Barren”. Since the launch of the book, the response has been phenomenal. People, friends and strangers alike have contacted me to tell me how they’ve connected with the book and to share their stories– it’s been a privilege to hear them.

Because of “Barren”, I’ve also been introduced to a whole new world of non-mother women via the wonderful force of nature that is Jody Day. After she’d read a copy of “Barren” sent to her by my amazing publicist, Yvonne Reddin, Jody sent me an email with the subject heading, “Your book Barren – I loved it.” What a joy that email was to get, but even more exciting was that Jody wanted a Zoom meeting to talk about the possibility of my collaborating with the work she does for childless elderwomen or Nomo Crones, as Jody calls us. I was totally up for that, but first I wanted to read her book!

When I was back in the trenches of “trying to conceive” (TTC), we didn’t have social media as we know it now. But there were chat rooms, forums, and blogs that talked about infertility treatments and trying to become a mother, which, let’s face it, was great, since no one else seemed to want to talk about it. But I couldn’t bear to read the posts from women like me who were TTC. What I was dealing with was too hard to bear, to witness others’ pain at the same time. It was a case, too, of admitting to myself that I might not be a mother, ever, and I also knew that if any of the other people in those chat rooms did announce good news, I didn’t have it in me to be happy for them past my bulging sorrow and fear. I hated myself for that, on top of the long list of things I already had jotted down. Since then, I’d steered clear of self-help style writing, but something about Jody’s emails–the blend of pragmatism, warmth and sense of humour–led me to a safe place, and before we met on Zoom, I started reading her book – “Living the Life Unexpected”.

[image error]

Straight away, I was gripped by hope in her opening chapters when she says, “…maybe there’s a life waiting for you that you haven’t met yet.” I loved that she invited me to “…forgive my body…”

 It was like she’d read my mind – yes, she’d read my book, but she’d written her book in 2013. And of course, she’d not read my mind, but had gone through the same thing as me at the same time. In the years since I gave up on being a mother, I’ve found I have a higher proportion of Nomo friends than most women. Perhaps because I wasn’t making friends at the school gates, seeking out people I could have conversations with that weren’t children-centric, and who had time to spend with me (until my friend’s children grew up and they drifted back to our friendships again), but we share something deeper. Jody phrased it beautifully when she said, “For all the kindness and empathy we childless women show others around us; for all the understanding and support we give to the mothers in our lives and communities; for all the talk about children and childrearing we sit through politely, unable to contribute to– sometimes it seems that the only ones who have any concept of the compromises, difficulties and losses of our own lives are other involuntarily childless women.”

Jody’s book is a textbook on acceptance, grieving and healing. She’s brave, stating what needs to be aired in public, examined and held, regardless of how badly it hurts ­­–– in fact, she gives us a permission to hurt that I feel has been denied to us. But goodness did this line hit home for me: “…we will never have children, never be a mother, never be a grandmother. That the millions of years of genetic feats of survival that created us stop here. That when we die, we die more absolutely than someone who knows that they ‘live on’ in their children.”

We all know someone who is childless. We all need to read this book. We all need to understand this taboo subject and drag it into the light. And not only that, but I love the way Jody encourages us all to value mothers and non-mothers alike – all women have value!

As the book moves the reader through various concepts and stages of accepting the life they have, and allowing us to feel our losses, it becomes a beacon of hope and a call to action to bring our own sense of meaning to our lives.

I was glad that I hadn’t read this before I wrote “Barren”, happy in the knowledge that “Barren” echoes a lot of the sentiments, but these ideas organically came from what I’d learned about my own situation in life. It’s validating to see them cited and proposed elsewhere. Jody encourages us to be “…ourselves, finding and creating a life of meaning is a gift to those around us and to the wider world.” When I read this next line, “They shine in a way that others don’t, and they give courage and hope to all they meet.’ I made a note beside it – This is what I want to be!

Creativity has been my salvation in facing a childless life, and I wasn’t surprised when Jody addressed it, reminding me of my favourite quote about writing from Frank McGuinness, “the joy of creating that which has never before existed.”  But Jody said it better as, “Bringing into being something that would never have existed had you not been alive.”  Those last five words being so utterly life-affirming as to spring tears of joy!

I finished “Living the Life Unexpected” by Jody Day, feeling uplifted, hopeful and mostly proud of myself for carrying infertility, laying it down and opening it up to the world in “Barren”. As this last quote suggests and grants us permission to do – “Talking about our childlessness and the impact it’s had on our lives without shame or apology. We have a right to be sad. We have a right to our stories…”

So if you are a Nomo, or know a Nomo (i.e pretty much everyone then) I recommend you read “Living the Life Unexpected” by Jody Day or look up her work on https://gateway-women.com/ and I promise you will be inspired but more importantly, fortified for those times when life creeps up and unexpectedly kicks you in the butt!

Byddi Lee

[image error]

When the apple blossom comes out in Armagh at this time of the year, it truly is a sight to behold! And our thoughts turn to the apples that will grow, the harvest, and the award-winning Food and Cider Festival. The apple blossom is our signal to open submissions for our Flash Fiction in the Orchard event in Crannagael House, 43 Ardress Rd, Portadown, on 4th September 2025.

Deadline for submissions is 4th August 2025.

Entries are encouraged from experienced writers, new writers, authors who can extract a short section from their books that feels complete, and poets whose poetry reads like prose. Stories must be shorter than 700 words yet have a beginning, a middle and an end

Please email your 200 – 700 word submission within the body of your email (no attachments please) to byddi@hotmail.com with the subject heading Flash Fiction Armagh Submission.

It is free to enter but please only submit one piece of work. You must be available to read at the event on 4th September 2025 in Crannagael House.

Flash Fiction Armagh provides a platform for writers to experience immediate audience reaction to their work – a valuable resource for those who sit all day in a room by themselves writing. We aim to entertain and provide an opportunity to mingle and make friends. We encourage people to attend the event whether they write, read or prefer to listen.

 We don’t mind if you submit work that has been submitted elsewhere or that has already been published. Authors are welcome to bring copies of their books to sell.

So sharpen your pencils and get writing! We look forward to the privilege of reading your entries.

Byddi Lee

We have lift-off! We successfully launched Barren and Frances McKenna’s art exhibition on Thursday night, and when I say launched, I mean all rockets blazing, booster flaring and jets roaring, launched.

Frances and I had a lovely discussion in an atmosphere of love and encouragement from a room of over a hundred people. We were bowled over by the turnout and would like to thank everyone for coming and supporting us. Together we spun magic that warm spring evening on the Mall in Armagh. My heart is full.

[image error]

It was a high point in a week that I know was difficult and heartbreaking for many people close to me. A friend and writing colleague lost her dad; my Mummy’s dearly loved cousin passed away; and my sister’s beloved friend, a wonderful person whose smile I’ll always remember, made her final farewell this week too.

It made our interactive public art piece all the more relevant. As Frances and I had been preparing for the launch, we came up with the idea of taking the belief system I had created in the Neolithic timeline of Barren and turning it into an art form that the public could be a part of. It refers to the notion that when people die, their souls become stars watching over us – something that pops up repeatedly in various ancient cultures around the world and which I employed in Barren.

I showed Frances a photograph I’d taken on the morning of 8th December 2017 when I’d awakened, predawn, to a snowy Armagh. I grabbed the camera, threw on some warm clothes and headed out to record sunrise – my favourite time of the day, especially in the depths of winter. Later that same morning, eight years ago, Frances and I attended another school friend’s funeral– one of the most beautiful souls to have walked with us. I have the snow photos and a short poem for her over on my blog. If you wish to visit that, you can click here.

Inspired by this photo, Frances painted the scene in acrylics, and we invited the people at the launch to place a sparkling star on the night sky in remembrance of their lost loved one. I hasten to add here that the word “lost” only means lost to us, and maybe in reality, we’re the ones still lost while they are “found” in a “better place”.

[image error]

The sky filled up quickly with stars, and the piece joined the exhibition, which will run until the 28th of June 2025. If you’re in Armagh, visit the Armagh County Museum, and chat with the staff –they are fabulous, inspiring and a fountain of knowledge. See the bronze axe exhibition that they set up especially to tie in with the story of Barren. Have a look at Frances’s paintings, perhaps you could buy one to brighten up your home and your heart. Or, if you missed the launch, purchase a copy of Barren from the museum shop. And take a moment to stand in front of the night sky, choose a star, hang your heart on it and think of a loved one who is watching over you from the other side and know they are not far away.

[image error]

Byddi Lee

[image error]

I must say Frances McKenna did a marvellous job on the cover. I simply love it and the full painting will hang in pride of place in my house. I also love that anyone who buys a paperback book will also have their own Frances McKenna print.

Have a look at the book trailer to find out what all the fuss is about.

Join us to celebrate the launch of ‘Barren’ and an exhibition of Frances’s artwork at the Armagh County Museum, – where the inspiration for the book first struck!

[image error]

If you are not local to Armagh, I also have a launch coming up in the Irish Writers Centre in Dublin on 14th May at 6.30 pm and another in No Alibis Bookshop in Belfast on 22nd May at 6 pm.

For those of you who live in the far North, I am in the process of confirming a date in Derry. More event dates are popping up as time goes on, so do check the website or follow me on social media for updates.

[image error]

If none of these dates suit, or you live too far away to attend, and you’d like to preorder a signed copy of the book, this is the link you need: https://www.buythebook.ie/product/barren/

The ebook is also out on pre-order here:https://www.amazon.co.uk/Barren-Byddi-Lee-ebook/dp/B0F1P71YXF

However you get a copy, I hope you enjoy it and that it brings hope and joyous colour to you.

Byddi Lee

What an absolute treat to sit down with Frances McKenna, Irish Artist, to discuss book covers for my next book, “Barren”. I’m deeply privileged that she is reading my story of a miscarried child’s spirit who communicates with her grieving mother and connects her to an ancient Irish woman’s struggle with her own infertility while surviving a climate catastrophe in 2354 BC caused by an Icelandic volcano.

[image error]Photo credit: Barney McKee

I’ve admired Frances’s art for at least three decades (probably more), and we had a lovely afternoon going over ideas and sketches, finding magic in, and being energised by, the whole creative process. There’s something enchanting about having an artist discuss the images your words bring to their mind. As a woman with personal experience with baby loss, I know Frances will lean into her own experience and approach the project with tenderness and compassion. Our conversations have been laced with joy and tears in remembrance of the dreams we had for the children we cherished but never got to hold.  

When I asked her permission to mention her experience in this post, Frances’s answer was, “I don’t feel baby loss of any type should be hidden. I feel that Little Souls, in whatever form they came, for however long they were here, deserve their existence to be honoured. Let’s honour our lost babies.”

I appreciate that validation, that openness and generosity of spirit. My only pregnancy was a miscarriage. I borrowed from that experience to write the modern timeline of “Barren”. The title is a nettle-grasping nod to infertility as well as the effects of climate change. It’s not autobiographical as such, but it is a salutation to my own little angel, I hope, shining some light into dark places to help others in a similar position.

Society still has an archaic attitude to many aspects of women’s health, and while we are breaking down some of the taboos around issues such as menopause, miscarriages are rarely talked about, infertility even less so. However, I must point out here that infertility is not just a women’s issue. Men have an even harder time talking about it, I think.

One welcome step forward is the UK government’s introduction of baby loss certificates in England last year. There are moves to bring it in here soon, too. Hopefully, some people will find some comfort in having it.

When I had my miscarriage, I longed for that feeling of being pregnant and for the future I had mapped out in that short space of time. It was such an early miscarriage that the only proof I’d had of being pregnant was the doctor’s bill (we lived in the USA at the time) and the pregnancy test, which I kept for years, only throwing it out when we moved back to Ireland. I’d have felt ashamed to keep a piece of plastic that I’d peed on for so long, except for the fact that it was the only tangible thing I had of that short pregnancy. Perhaps a baby loss certificate would have helped me fifteen years ago. Fortunately for me, I can still remember the glow, the joy, the sheer magic of being pregnant, even as it was thrown into stark contrast with the grief and sorrow that followed.

Instead, I wrote “Barren,” my personal tribute to my lost baby, pregnancy, and motherhood. It spans the genres of fantasy, historical fiction, and climate fiction and is a unique piece of writing. I am forever grateful to Frances Mc Kenna for translating that into the vivid technicolour of her painting, making this project a beautiful work of art.

Byddi Lee

I had the most gorgeous surprise this morning when a book I hadn’t ordered arrived in the post.

[image error]

At first, I was confused, but then I remembered an email conversation I’d had over a year ago when Noelle Johnson, author and horticulturist, spotted my blog post about lawn solarization from the summer of 2013 and asked my permission to use my photo in her next book. I happily said yes and promptly forgot about it – until this morning!

[image error]

The book “The Water-Smart Garden” may not be that relevant to Irish gardening—though it might become more relevant with climate change—but I’ve got friends in dry places (sounds like a Garth Brooks song, right?) who really could use this book. I wish I’d had it back when I lived in California.  

[image error]

The photo isn’t one of my prettiest pictures. In fact, it is probably one of the least exciting photos I’ve ever taken, but success has many forms, and I’ll take the win. Her lovely name (Noelle) and the timing of the delivery were not lost on me either.

Check out Noelle Johnson’s website for more water-smart advice and for details on how to get a copy (if you are one of my friends in dry places!)

[image error]

https://www.azplantlady.com

And wherever you are in the world – happy gardening!

Byddi Lee

It was fang-tastic sinking our teeth into the submissions for the Halloween Special! Rachel and I had a scream because these stories are spooktacular and totally eerie-sistible.

[image error]

A monstrous congratulations to everyone who submitted. We found it terror-ibly tough deciding which story to pick, but here is the line-up for 31st October 2024:

Barney McKee reading Charles Bridge

Tanya Mc Ginn reading Mental

Kerry Clarke reading The Intent Behind A Spell

Mary Cunningham reading The Loft

Susan McGovern reading Mags’s Halloween

Laura McLoughlin reading The Mortician’s Daughter

Andrea Burns reading The Last Message

Pat McKenna reading Single Vehicle Collision

Wendy Sinnamon reading He.

Molly Mc Gill reading Mud-Puddling

These stories are all treats and no tricks, so come to our Halloween Special for a ghoulish night in the Abbey Lane Theatre, Abbey Lane, Armagh – no bones about it, it’s a hip joint.

Flash Fiction Armagh has teamed up with the fa-boo-lous Armagh Theatre Group, who are staging a wicked original short play by Malachi Kelly called Lost Family Links.

8 pm – dress code: Fancy dress: Ticket £10: BYOB

Don’t get spooked by the fact it’s fancy dress – go on – don’t leave us hanging. We’ll be in costume too! We’re just dying to see what everyone dresses up as, and seriously, October will fly past in no time, so if you’re dressing up as a ghost, you’ll need to get your sheet together. You know what they say – if you’ve got it, haunt it! Or you could come as a vampire – if it’s not a pain in the neck. You need to consider what’s at stake. Or come as a zombie – that’s a no-brainer!

Beware – these tickets will sell out fast, so dig up some friends and get your tickets here:

https://www.ticketsource.co.uk/armaghtheatregroup/t-jzdarpq

So get in the spirit of Halloween, and don’t forget it’s BYOB – bring your own Boos!

That’s FFA for ya – creepin’ it real!

Byddi Lee

It’s been a summer of extremes, intense highs and depressing lows, and we’ll say nothing about the weather.

Let’s address the low point of this summer first, namely the recent racially motivated violence in Belfast. Flash Fiction Armagh condemns racism. As a diverse community ourselves, we stand in solidarity with migrants and refugees in building an inclusive & diverse community that is a safe and peaceful home for all.

However, it has been heartwarming to see the turnout supporting diversity in our community at the peaceful rallies over the past weekend. There is still work to do, but when good people come together, good things happen.

And speaking of good things…

Congratulations to the Armagh Senior Men’s team on bringing the Sam Maguire to Armagh. What a jubilant weekend that was. Congratulations also to the Armagh Ladies team for winning the Ulster title and to the Minors for making it to the All Ireland finals. Armagh was not just winning on the field; Well done to Daniel Wiffin, who brought home a gold and a bronze medal for swimming from the 2024 Paris Olympics! Sure, aren’t we Armachians just as proud as punch of our athletes? It must be all those apples we eat here.

[image error]

All in all, it has been a great summer in Armagh, even if we’ve had to provide our own sunshine.

And the summer’s not over yet. And even when it is, we kick off autumn at the award-winning Armagh Food and Cider Festival with Flash Fiction in the Orchard at the beautiful Crannagael house on 5th September at 7 pm. We are delighted to announce our lineup of talented writers reading their superb flash fiction. In no particular order:

Sharon Mc Knight reading Armagh

Mikala Smee reading The Cusp

Ellen Mc Kenna reading The Invitation

Patrick Mc Curdie reading Bombed Your Chippy

Susan Lanigan reading Jesus in the Library

Jill Kerr reading Star

Noleen Donnelly reading Obsession, Possession, Freedom

Jillian McFrederick reading A Friend Indeed

Amy Elkheart reading Bathroom Stall Wisdom

Sean MicNichol reading Pure Disaster

Rachel Toner reading Under the Apples

Tickets for this event typically sell out, so don’t delay. For £20 per person, be entertained by 11 writers reading their flash fiction while you sip on a glass of local MacIvors cider or Barnhill apple juice and nibble on food prepared by Gareth Reid, 4 Vicars Catering, such as Hummus with Preserved Lemon & Tahini, Marinated Kalamata Olives, Roasted Vegetable Salad, Harissa & Pomegranate, Spiced Lamb Kofta, Cucumber, Yoghurt, Preserved Lemon & Mint, served with Flat Breads & Garden Vegetables.

Tickets are available here. 

And we’re not done yet! As you while away the rest of the summer, get your spooky story on for the first ever Flash Fiction Armagh at Halloween, a fancy dress Halloween event on 31st October 2024 in Abbey Lane Theatre in collaboration with the Armagh Theatre Group with a performance of an original play on the same evening. More details to follow, but the important thing to note is that SUBMISSIONS ARE OPEN for this event. Email byddi@hotmail.com with your (700-word max) submission in the body of the email and the subject line “Flash Fiction Armagh at Halloween.”

Halloween theme with fancy dress on the night for Halloween!

Submissions close on 25th September 2024, and tickets will be on sale after that.

All we have to do now is wait for the apples to ripen!

Byddi Lee

[image error]

It is an honour and a joy to have Flash Fiction Armagh included again in the AE Festival in Lurgan and Armagh 2024.

I attended it last year and was blown away by how much I enjoyed the events. It was an excellent opportunity to learn about the great artist and writer AE Russell, also known as George Russell. By all accounts, he was intelligent and talented, a humble man, and an all-around wonderful human being.

I’m looking forward to learning more about him this year. The full programme is available here:

The submission window was extremely short – just three weeks – so we were stunned at the number of submissions we received. People had great fun with the ‘Sacred Mountain’ theme – lots of stories about climbing mountains, but also quite nuanced and unusual takes on the theme. We enjoyed reading all the submissions and thank the writers for trusting us enough to send in their work. Sadly, as usual, we couldn’t accept all the great stories we had the privilege of reading. It was tough to choose just ten, so we added a couple more, bringing the total number of readers for the event up to the perfect dozen!

So it is with great delight that we at Flash Fiction Armagh can announce the lineup for our event at the AE Festival… In no particular order:

Daniel Downey reading A Meeting on Hag’s Hill

Pat Mc Kenna reading True Colours

Emma Gibson reading Tupperware

Mary Anne Pamplin reading Martha’s Mountain

Linda Rosewood reading What Mountains Say

Jacqui Ruddell reading Daniel’s Mountain

Matthew Toner reading That Dreaded Mountain

Doreen Duffy reading Never Know How Much I Love You

Brenda McAteer reading A Walk on the Wild Side

Dymphna Ferran reading His Guarding Angel

Ronda Glasgow reading The Trip

Johnny Richardson reading Alone on the Throne

Flash Fiction Armagh at the AE Festival is on Friday, 5th April 2024, at 8 pm in Aonach Mhacha.

Tickets for the event are available at the door and online (recommended as we often sell out) at

https://www.ticketsource.co.uk/flash-fiction-armagh/flash-fiction-armagh-at-the-ae-festival/e-pgqblr

Looking forward to seeing you there!

Byddi

Happy New Year everyone and here’s to getting 2024 off to a great start!

Flash Fiction Armagh is thrilled to announce the readers for the next event – Flash Fiction Saturday Night at the Museum on the 10th of February 2024 at the Armagh County Museum, The Mall, Armagh in conjunction with the exhibition focusing on Armagh writer, John O’Connor, and taking the theme from the title of his book Come Day, Go Day. These words are a line from the song The Ballad of Old Seth Davy, also known as Whiskey on a Sunday, about a street entertainer in Liverpool in the 1890s who entertained people with his puppet show which the song claims was  “A Far Better Show Than You Ever Will See!” Of course, that would put you in mind of Flash Fiction Saturday Night at the Museum, wouldn’t it?

[image error] From a lantern slide circa 1900 via IrishCentral.com “Seth Davy”, a black street entertainer from Liverpool, immortalized in the song “Whiskey on a Sunday.” Public Domain

So without further ado, and in no particular order, we present our Flash Fiction Armagh readers for the evening:

Laura McLoughlin                       The Man

Kerry Clarke                                The Snug

Malachi Kelly                              God send Sundays

Derek Dubrey                              Escape

Dave Thompson                           The Last Conversation

Noreen Donnelly                         Come Day Go Day

Marie-Louise Mcguinness            Burst Balloons and Sugared Milk

Ellen McKenna                            The Future Beckons

Doreen Mc Bride                         Dracula’s Mate

Mark Brownlee                            Paranoia Come, Paranoia Go [from Mark Brownlee’s debut novel: Manic]

Tickets are already selling fast – £10.00 each which includes a beverage on the night.

Submissions are now open for Flash Fiction at the AE Festival taking place in Aonach Macha, Armagh on the 5th of April 2024 at 8 pm. Deadline for submissions 3rd of March 2024 – Theme: Sacred Mountain

Please email your 200 – 700 word submission to byddi@hotmail.com with “Flash Fiction Armagh Submission” in the subject line and your story in the main body of the email. (No attachments, please.)

It is always a great honour to read everyone’s stories and it’s hard to have to keep the selection to only 10 readers. While rejection is part and parcel of every writer’s life, I hate sending out those emails. I got a rejection myself this week for something I submitted in July (I know 6 months ago!) and I know how it feels.

However, my experience with Flash Fiction Armagh has taught me that good writing and great stories are often not accepted because there just isn’t enough room or they are the wrong fit. It has helped me put the rejections I receive, of which there are many, in perspective. Writing is a hard and often thankless task but I think it’s important to write for the enjoyment of creating. Present your words regardless of who will read them. Always remember, if even one person reads your work and enjoys it, finds comfort in it, smiles or cries because you moved them, then you have achieved something amazing.

I’m sure Seth Daly never imagined that his show would be sung about more than a hundred years after his death. He just kept on making children smile with a far better show than they ever did see!

Just Keep Writing!

Byddi Lee