Alastair Macartney's Blog

 

Halloween is just around the corner and everyone seems excited and thrilled about it. Trick-or-treating, funny and scary costumes, Halloween parties, bunches of candies and chocolates. What’s not to love? If you are a parent, you’re probably busy organizing activities for your kids, buying or making their costumes and keeping kids safe on top of attending trick-or-treating activities and Halloween parties. I gathered some of the best tips on making most out of Halloween while keeping yourself sane on all the to-do things on your list.

1. List all your activities and to-do list.

With all the crazy schedules, invitations and things to do at hand, we sometimes forget the things we need to attend to. So, a list will help you remember and track your progress. It’s much easier to put it on your phone calendar rather than a notebook or memo pad because you can access it directly whenever and wherever you want.

2. For costumes, let your kids decide.

As a parent, we are dreaming of a perfect theme for our family. But, don’t forget that our kids’ happiness and fulfilment matters more than our aspirations. And you don’t want to leave a house with a cranky toddler in tow, do you? They will whine if they don’t love what they’re dressed as. So let them decide what they want to be, it’s their party and activity after all.

3. Start a family tradition and set of activities on your own.

Whether you’re planning for a simple Halloween potluck with family and friends, or Halloween activities such as baking pumpkin pie, decorating your garage with the kids, playing board games or anything you want, Halloween is the best time to start a family tradition. Make Halloween an enjoyable and memorable time for your family.

4. Restrict sugar intake.

Yes, there are sweets and desserts everywhere. Don’t let your child over indulge. Give them a handful of candies and chocolates after they collected their Halloween candy treats and the remaining will be given every weekend until supplies last. The last thing we want over Halloween is a too much of a sugar rush or even a toothache.

5. Express yourself through dressing up.

Have fun. Dress as whatever character you want. Join in the costume fun! Halloween only happens once a year so seize the moment and enjoy! Get everyone in your household involved. Let them join the bandwagon of fun and excitement!

6. Unleash your creativity.

Halloween is the best time to show off your creativity! The sky’s the limit in decorating your home, Halloween dishes and costumes! Use all the resources you have at home, recycle as much as possible in order to save and involve your kids in all the activities you planned. You can bond and make use of their creativity too, plus the work will be less!

Make use of the holidays as time to bond and spend time with your family. No matter how small the time spent, the most important thing is, make it fun, silly and memorable. Make it so everyone involved will always look forward to Halloween activities every year.

The post 6 Ways to Make the Most of Halloween appeared first on Perfect Madness.

Happiness can be defined in so many ways. Others, who are hard to please overrate it making it hard to describe. But, literally, simple things make our life happy. Some people make themselves happy through the things they can buy. They grasp and hoard a lot of things to please themselves. Some are happy through the priceless adventures they take. They don’t limit themselves.

Some feel happy sailing along with their lives, being contented and enjoying little things. In life, we make choices every day – from the clothes we wear to work, to the food we eat, who we want to talk to, what to say, and everything that constitutes our day, even the feelings we want to feel.

We can chose to be sad, gregarious, anxious, full of excitement and definitely, happy. We are entitled to choose what feelings we want to feel. And sometimes we forget that what we’ve been through, what we have, or where we are doesn’t matter. These things shouldn’t be the basis of our happiness, but what matters is how you think about it all and what you choose to do better on your current situation.

Here are the 10 simple tips to help you feel great and perfectly happy. Read them before starting your day, you’ll see positive changes in your life.

 

Learn to appreciate.

Sometimes, when we are bombarded with a lot of things in our life, it can be easy to forget how to appreciate all the blessings you have. You don’t recognize how blessed you are and that there are many out there that would love to switch places with you. Appreciate the small things in life.

 

Let go of frustrations as soon as they arrive.

Don’t cling on to the bad moments in your life. Don’t let the unimportant drama overrule your day and how you feel. Happiness starts on the inside. You can chose and control your thoughts. The only person that can ruin your mood, positivity and happiness is you, ONLY YOU.

 

Be positive, no matter what.

We can’t control some of the situations in our lives. Instead of grasping at the negative thoughts be positive and look forward at the positive things in your life. Fussing and worrying will bring us nowhere. Always remember – we think, we become. Be positive and focus on your goals!

 

Measure your progress, no matter how small.

We have our own set of goals in our lives. Every day we make little steps towards their achievement. Track your progress and be thankful that you’re not stuck where you once were and look at how far you’ve come.

 

Show your loved ones what they really mean to you.

Our relationships with the people that surround us are vital to our happiness. Express the love you have for them. And always remember that action speaks louder than words. Put relationship health first. Spend time with your loved ones and friends. We are always busy working on our goals and can often forget that we have friends and most importantly, family. Show them how much you care. Converse, connect, check on them and spend quality time to top it off. Turn off all your gadgets and be truly present for them. Often it’s our actions, not just our words that really speak what our hearts feel.

 

Be the change you want to see the world.

Honestly, we are capable of doing anything. Be kind to everyone, be the ray of sunshine in their lives. Try to understand and treat others with love. Be someone who makes a difference. What you give to another person is really what you give to yourself. 

 

Start giving without expecting anything in return.

Can you imagine the fulfillment that you feel inside when you help someone in need? Fulfilling and happy right? Sharing is like giving a part of you. Don’t expect that people will always do for you as you do for them. Everyone is different and not everyone is just like you. Generosity work wonders no matter how small it is. Share knowledge, share anything and share the love you have in you.

 

Don’t compare yourself to others.

We have our set of insecurities but often forget what others have and where they are. Always remember that you are different from everyone else. You are unique, you have genuine strengths and gifts within you. Explore it, work on it and focus on yourself.

 

Dedicate your time to meaningful activities.

You’ve probably heard that time is gold. Yes indeed, time is truly gold. Once you’ve already spent a portion of it, you can never get it back. Focus on things that will help you to achieve your goals. Spend your time wisely and on things that truly matter. Organize your time, do more of the things that will help you in a long run but don’t forget to make time for yourself too to unwind and assess your life.

 

Be grateful.

Be thankful of anything life brings to you. Little blessings are still blessings. All the things in your life, all the negative and positive interactions, all have a lesson to teach you. Embrace anything life has thrown you, it has its own purposes. And remember, how great you are! Not anyone has the same privilege as you.

Now it’s your turn. Please take some action. Apply at least one of these today and then build on it – apply two tomorrow. Then keep going. They only work if you take action and follow through.

The post Essential Little Things That Will Make Yourself Happier appeared first on Perfect Madness.

It was a real shock when it happened. Totally unexpected. I wasn’t a terrorist. The last thing I expected was to be pinned to the harsh gravel pavement by someone kneeling on my spine, hard. My hands were handcuffed behind my back and my face was being ground into the rocky gravel. There were others standing over me pointing their weapons at me. They seemed nervous. Nervous people and guns are not a good mix – I was genuinely scared.

I tried not to notice the rain – it was the least of my worries at the time. After an hour I was thrown in the back of the police car that I’d been lying next to, driven to the police station and imprisoned in a solitary confinement cell.

There had been a mix up. That was clear to me. But the authorities would need to discover that for themselves and I had no idea how long that would take. I wasn’t out of the woods yet but at least the guns were no longer being nervously pointed in my direction.

Stripped of my watch I had no idea of time – it seemed like I was there for an age. I started to consider my life plans. Significant events, like being arrested as a terrorist (even if it is a mistake) and jailed in a solitary confinement cell, make you reflect on your past and consider your future.

I decided I needed to take a renewed focus on the direction I was taking. I needed to re-examine my life goals and the action I was taking. Here’s what I did:

1. Assess

I assessed what I had been doing with my life. There was no point in looking forward until I knew if what I had been doing with my life was the right thing for me and to learn from it. Had my life goals so far made me happy? Had I achieved the goals? Were they too small? Too big?

2. Target

I would need to set new goals but before I did that I would need to target the right goals that work for me. What had worked in my past? What hadn’t? It made sense that I would need to find goals at the right scale.

3. Find and Define

I knew I needed to find the right goals for me and define them specifically. I’d spent time in my life doing things that I thought were for me but actually were influenced by other people, by society and what I thought they wanted me to do. This time I’d do things that were for me.

4. Fail and Experiment

In my journey so far I’d often avoided situations where I knew I might fail. I didn’t now want to just adopt goals that I knew I would fail at but I needed to take a new approach to failure. Sometimes you have to think what’s the worst that could happen if you fail. Being arrested as a terrorist and thrown in a solitary confinement cell might feature on that list but it actually wasn’t as bad as it sounded – I had somewhere to sleep and my own toilet after all! I accepted that I’d be making experiments along my journey and experiments don’t always go to plan – but that’s ok – we just need to find solutions to the new problems. This small mindset change actually made a huge difference in my life.

5. Plan

I had to do something while I was in that cell. So I paced (I’d read about it in Henri Charriere’s Papillon). I realized that, like Henri had done in the penal colony, I was forming a habit and that habits would be integral to ensuring success. My goals wouldn’t happen all on their own but I would need to plan them, break them down into smaller goals and create habits. More so, like pacing the nine foot length of a solitary confinement cell, I’d need to do that slowly and in small increments.

Perhaps I’ll write more about the incident another time. It was pretty harrowing but things worked out, eventually. Having this time to reflect and reorganize my life was actually something I really needed. But these techniques don’t just work for me – you can use them too.

I’m releasing a new course: Win At Life In 1 Week. It’s aimed at people that really want to set the goals that are right for them and then setting up a strategy to ensure they follow through, achieve success and have their best year ever. I’ve got a massive Black Friday discount running. If you think this might be right for you then please check it out here while it’s on sale.

Main image by Nigel Viu.

The post How Being Arrested For Terrorism Helped Me Set New Life Goals appeared first on Perfect Madness.

Balance is important in life – it’s one of our four pillars of the Perfect Madness frame of mind. We mention it frequently in our blog posts but there’s a part that I don’t really talk about.

There’s one aspect that I’ve never quite explored properly. It’s not been completely clear. Spirituality just hasn’t made sense to me.

I don’t know if I’m the only one out there that’s battled with the concept. The problem, for me, is the context and association with religion. I don’t have a problem with religion. But it has often been politicized, it’s been pushed to extremes. This isn’t anything new – there have been many wars fought because of religion.

Yet, with spirituality, I want to avoid the religious theme. I want to embrace spirituality and to do so with friends that aren’t just atheist or agnostic, but christian or muslim as well. So I’ve avoided the subject and refrained from it.

But spirituality is fundamental within the Perfect Madness life that we live. If we want to fully embrace our lives and the utopian journey that we are embarking upon then we would be foolish to avoid spirituality and ignore it.

What Is Spirituality?

The answer is, I’m afraid, that I don’t know. The experts, whoever they may be, have slightly different views and opinions. There are different types of spirituality with terms like new age spirituality, contemporary, traditional, post traditional, modern and many more – and these are just the newer terms.

So, I worked out what it is for me. The definition isn’t important – a definition is a label that others need to put on something. I’m not sure I need to put a label on spirituality. Maybe words can’t fully explain what it is or maybe I just haven’t had a deep enough experience to be able to do so or maybe my literary skills just aren’t up to it. Whatever the answer, the definition isn’t important. It’s about the blissful experience, about embracing. It’s about the process of transformation – something I experience daily through vedic meditation. It’s about values and meaning and purpose.

Finding Your Inner Self

It comes down to being about our inner self. What fuels you? What drives you? What lies right at your very core, that gets your blood pumping, excites you, provides the meaning and purpose to your very existence and provides the values to which you do what you do? That’s what your inner self is all about.

You need to ask those deep soul searching questions. You need to find what makes you happy. Not just short term happy, but longer term happy. What is it you need to do, to embrace? What is that deep filled purpose? You need to delve deep. Really deep. These aren’t simple questions.

You don’t have to get a straight answer or an exact answer. You can even change your answers. This isn’t an exam. There is no right or wrong. This is about you.

Achieving Your Spirituality

There’s no one way to achieve spirituality. There’s no text book answer for me, or for you. Finding the spirituality within yourself is where you naturally need to migrate. It’s about letting go. Taking the time to unwind from the stresses of our modern lifestyles. It’s about gratitude and tolerance. About patience.

For me, at almost the one year point of my meditation practice, I am just starting to understand how to apply this now. My patience is returning, I’m becoming more grateful, I can let go for slightly longer and I’m finding my feet with my purpose in life. Achieving the right balance of spirituality will be an ongoing mission that I will find myself tending to, but one that I will enjoy.

3 Minutes

I want just a few minutes of your time. Right now. Immediately. If you don’t do this now, you probably won’t do it at all.

Take these few minutes to search your inner self and wonder what lies at your core? Have a few mindful moments. Count your next five breaths. No, make it ten. Remember what you’re grateful for.

If you’re searching for your own definition of spirituality, you just found it. Whatever you did in the last three minutes, that was it. Now all you have to do, is do it again tomorrow. And every tomorrow.

Main image by Angela Marie Henriette.

The post What Is Spirituality? appeared first on Perfect Madness.

It’s the 4th of July this weekend and while everyone is out shopping for fireworks and BBQ supplies, I must admit for the first time in my life I don’t have the USA on my mind at all.  Don’t get me wrong, my blood runs red, white and blue.  I love America.  #merica.  In fact, singing “I am Proud to Be an American” in a corny Southern accident is one of my favourite parlour tricks.  But in less than 2 months I am packing up myself, my husband and our young son and leaving the island we have called home for the last 8 years.

So, on this Fourth of July, as I prepare to say goodbye to England, and all that it has given me, I am going to be a little bit controversial and share with you 3 reasons why I have loved living in another country.  I will even go a step further and say I think everyone should venture out of their comfort zone, leave the zip code they were born in behind, and live abroad at least once in their lives.

The US of A is a huge and wonderful place, offering a million of its own travel destinations.  I actually have never appreciated my own home state of California more than now being away from it for so long.  One could argue it’s merely the absence making the heart grow fonder, or perhaps I am just getting old  and that makes me miss my home and family.  I think the reasoning is deeper.  I believe that I had to live abroad to find myself, and to find out what home really means.

 1. Comfortable Being Alone

When I first moved to England I didn’t know a soul.  I moved over before my course started, and though I was fairly confident the rigours of vet school life would form a strong sense of camaraderie between fellow colleagues and myself, resulting in strong friendships (refer to point 2), the start was weeks away!  So I had the choice of sitting in my hotel or being brave and exploring London all on my own.  If you have never sat and had a coffee in the park by yourself, I dare you to.  I bet you never noticed the iridescent shimmer of a magpie’s tail feathers, until you sat quietly in your own headspace and watched the world go by.  Other people are a lovely distraction, but they are just that.  Occasionally putting everything aside, even other people, can allow time for introspection and peace that we rarely can find in our lives.  The first few times you attempt solo outings, it can be awkward, or maybe even embarrassing.  We all believe others are secretly judging us, questioning what is so terrible about us that we don’t have any friends or a date to join us.  Truthfully, everyone else is probably too wrapped up in themselves or their people distractions to notice you.  So rest assured on that fact, and give it a try.  The more you do it the easier it is.

2. Friendships

I have always been incredibly close with my family.  They are the most amazing support network a girl could ask for.  However, when you move a million miles away to a foreign country with the Atlantic Ocean slapped in-between you, there is a limit to the reach of that support network.  Both in vet school, and since having my son Finn, I have learned the true meaning of friendship.  Best Friends simply are members of your family, bonded not by shared blood, but by shared commitment to each other’s happiness.  When you are out of your home country you cannot rely on your family in the same way you have always been able to.  The strength of friendships formed abroad is beyond compare. I have a family of friends here in England that it will break my heart to leave.  The only thing that would be more heartbreaking though, would never having met them in the first place.  When we say our teary goodbyes, I know it will only really be a “see ya later”, because these bonds will last a lifetime.

3. International romance

I am an absolute sucker for accents.  I always told my mom when I was a little girl that I would move to England and marry a man with a British accent.  Box ticked.  I might have come here for a degree but I must say falling in love with my soul mate was an added bonus.  One of the beauties of an international love affair is the fact that our relationship is truly a cultural melting pot.  I never learned more about what it meant to be a Brit than when I started spending most of my time with one.  I am leaving England with the best thing it has.  Which I do feel a bit guilty about, but more so thankful.  Thankful that my adventurer’s spirit allowed me to dream big enough to actually move here in the first place, and that I found the reflection of that spirit in someone else’s soul.

Time to Move On

So why am I ready to leave this all behind and return home?  I am not actually.  I probably never will be. But then again I fancy living in Italy, Switzerland, Thailand, or any other country I visit.  It’s time now to catch my breath, reassess, and contemplate all the changes the last 8 years have brought me.  I am wiser, stronger, and happier than when I first landed here, and I have learned the most valuable lesson of all; home is where the heart is.  So wherever my little family decides to hang its hat will do.

Main photo by arbyreed.

The post Get Out of The USA appeared first on Perfect Madness.

Sometimes life jumps out at you. It grabs you by the shoulder, rips you around, glares in your face, challenges you, makes you what you are. These are good days. These are the opportunities that present themselves to you. The ones you grab you by the horns.

But many times life just doesn’t work that way.

Sometimes life hides away from you. The challenges and journeys that you read about others undertaking on Facebook, Twitter, blogs and traditional media just, somehow, don’t land at your feet. It’s often someone else that gets them.

But often that part of life that you want, that you crave, is just sitting, waiting around the corner. Waiting for you to get up and take that first step, waiting for you to take that leap yourself before it joins in.

For most of us the reality is that those life adventures won’t just land at your feet. You need to do something to create them. You need to make them happen. You need to get out there and create the opportunities. Here are five steps to set you off on your journey and make adventure happen in your life:

1. Seek

The life you want to grab, the adventure you want to take, is out there. Whether you think you have the pre-requisite skills to undertake it or not, it’s there. You need to seek it. You need to go and find it. Ignore your internal voice that doubts what you can and can’t do and focus on what you want. Find that adventure now, worry about how to achieve it later on. Right now we’re seeking it out.

2. Commit

Commit to achieving your goal, challenge, journey, adventure or whatever term you want to put to it. If you want it badly enough you’ll make it happen but you’ll only make it happen if you commit. And by committing you need to eliminate your reasons for not following through. So make it public – post it to Facebook, tell your family and your friends, commit to achieving it.

3. Action

Too many people sit back, have some great ideas, talk the talk, wish. Too many people grow old wondering what if? Too many people don’t follow through and don’t take action to achieve their goals, their dreams. Don’t be one of those.

It doesn’t need to be a big decisive action (although that would be great). It can be small. It can be something. It needs to be something. This is about creating and making a habit. Doing something. Every day. Finding a way that you can take that action, just a small piece of action, every day. Finding and doing that thing that will advance you just one tiny step closer to achieving. Follow through. Take action.

4. Opportunity

When you find and seek your goal, your dream that you want to achieve, when you follow through and commit to making it happen and you take positive action steps to achieving it, you’ll notice something different, something new. The haters will still be there but there will others. There will others that see your drive and your passion. There will be new found confidence – in you, in your dream and for those that are following from the side lines.

As you prove your commitment, action and perseverance (see the next step) opportunities will open up. Sometimes you’ll be looking for them, other times you won’t – they’ll appear in the most unexpected places. When you’ve put yourself out there, put yourself on the line, proven that you’re taking that journey, opportunities will follow. Seize them.

5. Persevere

I’d be lying if I told you it was all plain sailing. That it is going to be easy. There will be the tough times, the hard times, the times when you want to throw in the towel, give up, quit. Lots of people do.

You can quit if you want. It’s up to you. But ask yourself, in 10 years time, when you look back at this, will you ask yourself what if? Will you wonder what it would have been like if you’re just tried once more, if you’d tried for another minute, another hour, another day, another week, another month? If the answer’s yes then the path you need to take is easy – persevere. Don’t take the easy way out right now. Keep going. Quit only when that answer is no – that’s the time to quit. Right now you need to persevere.

Your Adventure

This is your life, your journey, your adventure. Follow these steps and create your own adventures, your own opportunities. Don’t let them sit dormant around the corner, gathering dust. Don’t be there in years to come wondering what if? Seize the moment today.

As my good friend Tawab Qurayshi recently posted on Facebook:

“Life is like a ball of snow, enjoy it before it melts”

It’s good advice. I’m going to take it. I hope you do too.

Main photo by Thorbjorn Sigberg.

The post 5 Steps To Make Adventure Happen In Your Life appeared first on Perfect Madness.

I would love to say that I start every single day with a huge smile and a heavily contented heart.  I should say that anyway, my life is pretty much perfect.  But for some reason, and I know it’s a cliche, Mondays find a way to get me down.  On that dreaded day of the week I find I wake-up with feelings of regret that the weekend went by so fast, did I make enough of the time?  I also feel anxiety over all that I have to accomplish that week.  Finally, I feel exhausted both at the mere thought of all I have to do, and by the jam-packed weekend of activities and outings I just enjoyed.

And that is all before my head leaves the pillow…

Here are my three simple and effective tips to combat the Monday Blues.  For the best results employ them immediately and in this order.  Don’t let the blues form a firm grasp of your mind.

Mindfulness Activity

I would love say that we all have time to have two meditation sessions a day, but we don’t.  That is not an excuse for avoiding mindfulness activities all together though, as the benefits of doing so are seemingly endless.  If you can’t spare the 20 minutes to  properly meditate, try one of these simpler techniques to bring your mind into focus, to relax, and to center yourself before you battle the big bad Monday blues.  Sit up in bed and repeat a simple calming mantra of your choice in your head.  Breath in one sentence, and out another.  I like the mantra “I choose to be happy, I have a grateful heart.”  But there is no limit to the variation on this theme you can have,  You can also make it specific to that day’s challenges.

If 5 minutes is too much time to spare still, here is an even shorter technique.  Simply call to mind three things you have to be thankful for.  Focus your mind on these, and allow a smile to cross your face.  Now hop out of bed and move on to task 2!

Make a To-Do List

We feel overwhelmed on Mondays because we have a never ending pile of tasks crashing around in our minds.  We doubt we will ever be able to accomplish it all, and this fills us with feelings of failure before we even start.  So the first step is to drag all of those tasks out of our minds where they are banging around and destroying our confidence, and out onto a piece of paper or notes app, where they can start to be dealt with.  Make two to-do lists, start with an overall list of everything you have to do this week.  Don’t stress if you think the list is incomplete, the point is to take everything out that is bothering your mind right now, the list can be added to throughout the week as new tasks come to mind.  Then break that list down into what you can do today, prioritise them with those that are most urgent at top.

Here is a little trick to get your productivity fired up.  Put at the very top of today’s list three simple and easy tasks you can bang out in under 5 minutes.  It makes the whole list more approachable.  Then once you have completed those three you feel a rise in your self-esteem and more faith that you will make it through this week alive after all.  Sometimes I have gone so far as to write down tasks that I usually do without even thinking, just to help make myself feel accomplished, like make the bed, or walk the dogs.  Look at the lists you have created, take a deep sigh of relief and move on to task 3 to get the energy you need to complete them all!

Exercise

I know this may seem counter-intuitive, but even when you feel down in the dumps, depleted of all energy, exercise will actually make you feel more energized.  I could bore you with the science behind it all, as a veterinarian I researched the effects of exercise in depth, and dog’s bodies work almost identically to our own.  But instead I will let you take my word for it and explain in simple terms. Exercise raises your basal metabolic rate, which means your body works faster and more effectively.  Not just right after you exercise, but all day long.  This is why I start everyday with some form of exercise, even if its as simple as a walk or yoga.  You don’t have to join the crowds at the gym to have the same mental and physical health benefits exercise can provide.

Hopefully your Monday Blues have been beaten back, and you feel refreshed and ready to brave your day!

Main photo by Harold Lloyd.

The post 3 Simple And Effective Ways To Combat The Monday Blues appeared first on Perfect Madness.

I’ve got lots going on right now. I’m planning some major projects, changing career, moving to another continent, going traveling, trying to be a father to my amazing son and a husband to my beautiful wife. It’s tricky trying to fit it all in. I’m consistently finding that I’m not getting it right. There’s a balance between it all and my scales keep tipping. I’m finding I’m over capacity.

We’re not all perfect. We make mistakes. We say things we don’t always mean. We do things we haven’t entirely thought through. We know that we’re doing things for the right reasons and when we look back we can see the faults, the mistakes. It’s easy with hindsight. Certainly, that’s what I’m finding.

Over Capacity

I’m making mistakes. Essentially, it’s about capacity. It’s about being over capacity. Just one or two of the things I plan to accomplish are enough. Trying to do them all to a high level is a huge undertaking. When I take them on I believe I have the capacity for them all. Surely, all these things can’t be that difficult?

Yet, the reality is, if I want to do them properly I need to fully invest in them. That means I need to put more time and energy into them. The problem is, time and energy are finite resources. There are only 24 hours in a day and we only have so much energy.

Of course, there are life hacks out there that can make us more productive, give us more time, make us more energetic but, when that’s all said and done, we are at the limits of our finite resources.

What To Do?

I’m taking action. I’m going to address this. It’s better to do less and do it properly than to do more but with holes in it. Here’s what I’m doing about it and I hope you can use these principles in your life too:

1. Write

It sounds simple but writing down what you need to do provides clarity of thought. Our thoughts bounce around in our brain. When we write we tend to have more structure. Write down what you want to do, what you need to achieve, how you’re going to do it, what your priorities are. Write as much or as little as you want – some of us will need to write a lot, some of us won’t. Write the amount that works for you.

2. Define

Define what it is you need to do. You might have done this when you wrote it all down. This time I’m talking about today. And then tomorrow. And then the day after. Define what you will do today. What action or actions you’re going to take. It might be small. Today might be a rest day – define that. Resting is ok. What about tomorrow? Write this down the previous day so that when you wake up you know exactly what you need to do. Maybe you’ll just pick one thing you need to do – that’s ok too. But define it. Then do it.

3. Journal

You need to hold yourself accountable. You’ve defined and said what you’re going to do, even if it’s only one thing. Now you need to make sure you follow through. Try journalling. Do it at the end of the day. It can take just a few minutes, that’s all. Use it to hold yourself accountable for what you’ve done. Take responsibility and write it down. The more you do this, the more likely you are to follow through.

4. Cut Things Out

Our capacity is limited. Focus on what value you can add. Focus on what’s important to you. Focus on what it is that you need to do. Do this. Period. Don’t do more. It’s always nice to do more but don’t. Remember, we’re doing this because we’re hitting our capacity. Don’t take on more. Not right now. Cut out what you don’t need to be doing. Get someone else to do it. Postpone the project. Concentrate on your priorities and do them well. Leave the rest of the stuff alone.

5. Say No

This is hard. I like to say yes. Saying yes is the easy thing to do. I don’t like to upset people or let people down. But, more and more, I’m saying no. It’s the only way. There’s only so far I can stretch. James Altucher has written a great book about saying no. I’m going to be saying no to more people – I’m sorry if you’re one of them but I hope you understand.

Apply

It’s not easy. While writing this I already said yes to something I could have said no to – next time I’ll say no. I’m not going to be able to fully apply these five principles to perfection. I’ll still make mistakes along the way, but if I apply these principles I know I’ll improve. I’ll keep working at it.

It’s up to you now. Lots of people that read this won’t take action. I’m sorry if that offends but it’s true. Give this a go. Be one of the people that action. Try it. Dont say no to this. Say yes to freeing up your capacity.

Good luck.

Main image by Giulia Forsythe.

The post What To Do When You Are Over Capacity appeared first on Perfect Madness.

Every evening over dinner my husband and I play a little game, which is more a way to share, stay connected, and start conversations that anything else.  We each say our best, worst, tomorrow and gratitude.  We start by sharing the best part of our day, then the worst part of our day, followed by something we are looking forward to tomorrow, and finally one thing we are thankful for that the other did that day.

It was during one of these conversations last night that a funny point came to light.  My husband went on about his day, and the exciting projects he has coming up in his life and I did the same.  We both spoke with excitement.  We were both eager to share.  We were both smiling from just the thought of what the near future held for us.  So what is the punchline?  My husband had just finished describing the details of how he is going to perform an amazing wingsuit flying stunt fly and BASE jump off the from an iconic location.  I on the other hand was talking about how I am trying to arrange a trip to a soft play park with my Mommy friends and their babies.

How Are We Equally Excited About Such Different Plans

My husband is once again about to embark on a project that most people can only dream about.  Scratch that.  My husband is once again about to embark on TWO projects, either one of which, most people can only dream about.  Conversely, on what may seem superficially to be on the exact opposite end of the excitement spectrum, I am going to go with a group of friends to watch our young babies clumsily manoeuvre a soft play park.

So how is possible that we are equally pumped about what life has in store for us?  Because we chose these lives.  We both took the time to ask ourselves what our dreams are.  Then we went out and made those dreams a reality.  Where you are living your life, right now is a consequence of the choices you made.  The plan you laid out in your mind.  Of course obstacles can fall into the path and we have to take slightly alternate routes to reach our destination.  Likewise, occasionally as we learn more about ourselves we decide to abandon the original destination all together in search of what we have now decided will make us more happy.

If you live a life you chose, then its easy to find the wonder in the everyday, because your everyday is a dream come true.  Whatever your happiness ambition is, some of us chose to fly, and some of us chose motherhood, seeking it out will give you enthusiasm for every step along the way.

Be Enthusiastic For YOUR LIFE, Because Its Your Life Not Anyone Else’s

Part of the deal for being enthusiastic about your life, is realizing just that, its your life.  You are not living this for anyone else, and more importantly you cannot live it by anyone else’s standards.  I am sure most of my veterinary colleagues would think me mad for leaving the career I trained nearly a decade for to stay home and change dirty diapers and I know for a fact most people think my husband is insane for all the seemingly dangerous feats he undertakes.  But living a life by your own standards of success means ignoring other peoples judgements.

I don’t bother basing how happy I am on comparisons made between where I am in life and where my peers are.  Because who are my peers anyway?  Someone my same age?  Someone with the same educational background?  Someone who came from the same socioeconomic background as me?  The answer is I don’t have any peers.  None of us do.  We are individuals with such incredibly complex idiosyncrasies, that why would we ever bother trying to compare?  Even if we started from the same place, are phenotypically similar, our internal drives and external motivators could never match anyone elses.

So do what makes you happy, not what you think other people expect you to do, and rejoice that you are doing that everyday.

How Are We Equally Excited To Hear About Each Other’s Plans

Finding someone who loves to hear your stories, someone who can’t wait for your best, worst, tomorrow, and gratitude, every night will help your enthusiasm for life grow exponentially.  You can both feed off of each other’s positive energy, and find the beauty in the everyday.

By recruiting these people you create an Environment for Enthusiasm.  You feel comfortable celebrating your accomplishments, no matter how small they may seem to others.  You feel comfortable to exclaim over the beauty you see in the world around you.  You can be enthusiastic about this life you are living, this life you chose.

Main photo by Maurice.

The post Be Enthusiastic About Your Life appeared first on Perfect Madness.

Stolen

It was stolen from me. Stolen.

I didn’t know what to do. I felt robbed. I was robbed. Why me? How could that be fair?

It’s my life. That’s what was stolen – my life. I had won a World Championship. I was fit and strong (relatively). The sky wasn’t my limit, I was limitless. The World wasn’t my Oyster – I wasn’t so limiting – more like the galaxy. But then these limits imploded. The life, my life, as I knew it, disappeared. Gone.

Injured

In December 2011 I suffered an injury to the base of my spinal cord in a heavy parachute landing. The affects of this injury will be with me for life. I’m lucky though. In some ways it could be a lot worse. I could be in a wheel chair. I could be dead. There is a lot to be grateful for.

But, even when you’re lucky, you still feel robbed. You don’t have to be robbed of everything to feel like you’ve been robbed of everything. A decrease in your physical or mental ability of just 1% is noticeable. The bigger that decrease, the more that is taken from you, the more you notice it.

I spent a long time in rehab. I saw some extremely skilled Doctors, Surgeons, Consultants. I still do. I worked hard to regain my old life. I watched amputees and others with far more severe visible injuries overcoming their disabilities, hobbling around on their prosthetics. They were regaining their lives. I wasn’t so fortunate.

My recover wasn’t so fast. It stalled. I watched all these other people accelerate in their recovery. But I had stalled. My progress was poor, non-existent. But I was a go-getter. I was a do-er, an achiever. I should be progressing. I should be pushing the boundaries. I should be proving the Doctors wrong and recovering ahead of their predictions.

The Mental Battle

It was tough. I was beaten. Broken. My mental picture deteriorated. I was losing. Losing the battle with myself. Mentally I started to spiral down. As you start to spiral, it only keeps going down. The plug hole, the drain, beckons you closer and you descend further and further. There is no life vest in sight just the depths of the chasm you’re encumbered within.

Physical recovery, without a positive mental picture, is almost impossible. I knew that. I understood that. But regaining my mental composure to a point that would constructively aid my physical recovery seemed like climbing Mount Everest with both arms tied behind my back while wearing a blindfold – possible in theory but incredibly unlikely.

I was embarrassed. It was embarrassing to be this way. I hid it. Many of my family, many of friends didn’t (still don’t) know the severity of my injuries. It made me feel weak. I didn’t want to be weak. I didn’t want to be the guy that didn’t recovery. I didn’t want to be the guy that couldn’t overcome his injury. I didn’t want to be the guy that was held back, that would hold others back. I didn’t want to be the guy that got frustrated by it all, that was struggling to deal with it mentally.

There is nothing to see. From the outside, I look normal. I’m not missing a limb. I don’t have scars. My injuries are internal. I don’t want sympathy, I don’t need sympathy, but with nothing to show, nothing to outwardly prove my state, my predicament, I feel like a fraud. More reason to hide.

But as I hid, as I hide, as I’m embarrassed, my mental toughness, my mental agility, stays within that ever descending spiral.

Lessons

So what are the lessons? What do we take away? What do we learn?

I don’t know. There’s lots. There’s none. I normally analyze my experiences. I normally ask ‘So What?’. I normally look at it to see what else we can learn from this stuff. Not this time. I think this post is just for me.

Well, maybe just one lesson. It’s the holistic approach. You have to believe to achieve. To get physically better I need to be mentally strong. It’s the same in all walks of life. To achieve something you need to believe in yourself, in your ability. Normally I can do that, I’m working on getting that back.

Perhaps I’ll come back and write more about this. For now, I’ve probably shared enough. The journey has been tough. It’s still tough. There are good days. Others aren’t quite so good. I’ll leave it there – I have an appointment with my Neuro-Urology Consultant to go to.

Main photo by Felipe Ferreira.

The post My Life: Stolen appeared first on Perfect Madness.