Isaac Jourden's Blog

I think it’s the nature of parenting to always be one step behind your kids, literally and figuratively.  I’ve got to be one literal step behind my ten month old at all times, or I’ll look over and he’s getting his eyes clawed out while battling our grumpy cats for undisputed control of the litter box.

My three year old, somehow, is even more exasperating.

Every time I get used to “normal,” he figures out some new way to cause chaos.  I walk out of the room with him watching DuckTales (I finally got him to sing the theme song and now he lets out “woo oohs!” at random intervals in public – I love it).  I come back a few minutes later after unsuccessfully keeping the toddler from gnawing another phone charger into disrepair, and he says,

“Daddy, I got some milk.”

Oh.  Shit.

Okay, maybe it’s not that bad.  He’s never gotten milk before, and he likes to pretend, so maybe he has some pretend milk… right?

Nope, he holds up his glass – a glass I did not get him – and shows me the milk.  I barely knew the kid could open the fridge, let alone access the cupboard with the cups in it.  I can’t even imagine the mechanics of how he came to procure this milk.

Don’t panic. He got the milk, right?  Disaster averted?

“Daddy, I spilled some.”

Of course.

“That’s okay buddy, we’ll clean it up.”

I go into the kitchen, and sure enough, the kid got some milk.   I’m also pretty sure he thought he had to beat the pitcher to death before he was worthy of the milk, and it was a glorious battle.   How did I not hear this?  This level apocalypse surely could not be possible without primal war cries.  The level of mess that makes you wonder about your secuirty deposit or your homeowner's insurance. The level of mess that makes you wonder if someone called the cops yet. 

At least he put the pitcher back and closed the fridge, so I’m calling it a win.

Still have no idea how he got the damn cup.

I just walked out of seeing La La Land, and as a very quick review, I liked it very much.  If musicals are your thing, this is an absolute must see.  If they aren't, you should probably check it out anyway, unless you actively hate musicals, in which case, you should avoid this movie at all costs. 

As the credits rolled, I was reminded of another of my recent favorites - Mad Max: Fury Road.  Yes, I'm serious.  Stick with me here. 

Admit it, Emma Stone could rock Furiosa cosplay. 

In our fiction today, we're very obsessed with plot.  Was the plot compelling?  Was it fast paced?  Did it grip you?  If not, toss the movie in the trash bin.  Books get the same treatment.

The biggest criticism you'll hear about La La Land is that the plot is cliche and almost nonexistent.  It's generic.  And you know what?  Those critics aren't wrong.  But they've missed the point of the movie.

Even if car chases aren't your thing, it's still worth tuning in to see the Best. Car Chase.  Ever.

Let's hop over to Mad Max: Fury Road for a moment.  People describe the plot of the movie as "A truck driver turns left."  And they're right.  There's no real plot to speak of:  It's two hours of spectacle car chase, every shot used to maximize the action and keep the adrenaline flowing.  No one is watching Mad Max for the plot.  They're watching it for the spectacle. 

That's how you should go into La La Land - and you should most definitely go.  Every frame feels lovingly crafted, meticulously chosen, deliberate care given to everything from the street lamps in the background to the shoes on the character's feet.  The minimalist plot serves only to get us to the next song or the next set piece - and the movie is better for it.   More plot, more action, more character development leaves less time for the music, the dance, the sets.

Some movies, and some novels, aren't about the plot.  La La Land sure isn't, and if its critics can get over that, it'll go down as one of the best movie musicals in modern history. 

There's a lot of hate out there for remakes.   People say Hollywood is running out of ideas, or trying to milk people for money, or can't do anything original.  That may be true, but it's always been true.   Plenty of the highest grossing movies of all time, as well as many well-loved classics, were based on books, existing properties, or real events.  This is not a new phenomenon.  "The Awakening of Rip," based on Rip Van Winkle, was filmed in 1896.  Then it was remade into a longer film, Rip Van Winkle, in 1903.   And it's not obscure film trivia – Gone With The Wind and The Wizard of Oz are based on novels, too.    And you know what?  I love it.

I hope Hollywood remakes every movie.  I really do.   Shawshank Redemption.   Pulp Fiction.  Citizen Kane.  Remake them all.

Let's take a look at a few movies I love, both from 1999:  Fight Club and American Beauty.  As far as I'm concerned, these are both truly fantastic films.  The casting is great, the acting is great, the directing, cinematography, tone, storytelling… it's all fantastic.  Chuck Palahniuk says the movie Fight Club is better than the book he wrote.  American Beauty deservedly piled up five Oscars and over a hundred other awards.

No one does sarcastic indifference better than Edward Norton.  I think I'm going to hire him to moderate the comments section. 

 

I hope they remake them.  Can someone else do them better?  No.  Are the films dated?  No.  Will the remakes be as good as the original?  No.

But they will give me more.   More of the things I love.   Even if a Fight Club remake isn't as good as the David Fincher movie from 1999, I'd still get to see a different take on it.  It'd still give me something to think about and talk about and enjoy.  Things can be good without being the best.

It's a bit like going to community theatre.  Is the local theatre troupe here going to put on the very best version of Hamlet or Romeo and Juliet that there ever was?  No, they aren't, though perhaps not for lack of trying.  But it'll still be fun to go.

How is there not a Broadway version of this movie yet?  It's practically a play as is.  It has references to other plays.  They were too busy on Spider Man: Turn Off The Dark?  Fire someone right now. 

 

And don't get me started on the properties that have had several iterations but still haven't gotten it right.  Do I want a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles remake?  Hell yeah I do.  And I'm still waiting for a version of I Am Legend with an ending that matches the spirit of the book, and Hollywood has taken a crack at Richard Matheson's classic (credited for inspiring Night of the Living Dead and, through that, the entire zombie apocalypse genre!) Four. Different.  Times.   And there' s still room for more remakes – they haven't done one with the novel ending yet!

I love watching Charleton Heston indiscriminately shoot up albino zombie vampire cultists as much as the next guy, but let's try it again just in case. 

It's easy to pan failed remakes and sequels.  Sometimes – a lot of the time, even – Hollywood gets it wrong, and that's disappointing.  But we have great remakes as well – from John Carpenter's The Thing to 3:10 to Yuma to The Departed.

In the end, there's no downside to a remake getting made.  If it's good, I get more of my favorite properties to enjoy.  If it's terrible (here's looking at you, Clash of the Titans), I can forget they exist and keep enjoying the originals.

So I say, give me your Akira remake.  Give me your Beauty and the Beast.  Give me your Lethal Weapon and Blade and Escape From New York.  If it's good, take my money.  If it's not, try again.  I'll watch the originals while I wait. 

It happens every time a new comic book movie comes out.  Whether it’s the complaining that Marvel’s Civil War won’t look anything like the comics or that they appear to have changed Harley Quinn’s origin story in Suicide Squad, diehard fans get downright furious when something isn’t translated 1:1 from the source material to the big screen.

I’m going to not-so-humbly suggest that these people forget where their entertainment comes from.

 

Every major comic book hero and villain out there has been re-imagined a dozen times or more.  Every character has more retcons than a hotly debated Wikipedia article.  And comics are better for it.   The things that worked in the 1950s would never work now, and the characters that were relatable in the 1970s would feel confused and out of touch today, if not for liberal retcons.

 

In the comic book world, if there aren't at least half a dozen alternate versions of you, you're pretty much a nobody.

The comic book industry stays relevant by re-inventing itself every few years, and by understanding that what worked on TV for Adam West and Burt Ward wasn’t going to make a compelling Batman animated series.   By understanding that the large rogue’s gallery that worked for the Spider Man in the comics doesn’t work on the big screen.

(Okay, maybe they haven’t learned that lesson, but they should.  I’m looking at you, Spider Man 3 and Amazing Spider Man 2.)

So why are we expecting accuracy when it comes to moving our comic book favorites to the big screen?  Why do we want it even a little?  Do we *really* want to see David Tennant in full purple makeup or CGI for an entire season of Jessica Jones?

 

So that's what happens if you spend too long in the tub with a LUSH Bath Bomb. 

We’re not going to get an “accurate” backstory for Harley Quinn.  Or Deadshot.  Or Doctor Strange.  Or Black Panther.  Or Wonder Woman.  And all those characters will be better on the big screen because of it.

I say, the less time writers and directors try to make things match the comic books, the better.  Make characters compelling, make stories entertaining, and make your set design and special effects look amazing.  If there’s anything of the source material left over when you’re done, neat.  If not, I’ll “settle” for a compelling, entertaining, amazing movie. 

If there's one thing I love doing, it's analyzing stories.  More often than not, I find myself analyzing television shows, not because it's my favorite medium (nothing beats a good book....right?) but because it's still the best cultural touchstone.  Chances are not many people in your immediate vicinity have read your favorite book - there are too many out there and they take time investment to read.  Not so with TV:  It's easily digestible, and if something isn't working, TV execs will pull the plug without hesitation.  Before you know it, everyone on your block has seen at least some How I Met Your Mother or Big Bang Theory.  You can talk about it and feel confident others are in the loop. 

Normally I like to go in depth (right after Christmas I'll be diving into my thoughts on Sense8!), but just in time for a bit of  holiday down time, author D.M. Cain is here to give us some quick thoughts and recommendations on what you should be watching right now. 
 

- Isaac

* * * 

One of my passions is good television—particularly science fiction, fantasy or drama series. In recent years there have been some exceptional television series and they have helped me to understand more about myself and my own interpretation of the art of storytelling.

Some people say that watching television can squash creativity, that it’s passive and brain-frying. I think that’s true if you spend your time watching reality TV shows and repetitive, predictable soaps. However, some TV shows have challenged, inspired and moved me more than I ever expected.

As a writer I’ve learnt a lot about the art of storytelling through TV dramas of recent years. Below is a list of some of the best shows (in my opinion!) and what they have taught me about telling a good story:

I almost included a picture of Robert Downey Jr. instead, but I feared the internet would burn down my website. 

-          Sherlock – People love a clever plot/protagonist. Set the precedent for intelligent problem solving and the viewer/reader will love trying to solve the mystery before the protagonist.

 

-          Gotham – There is nothing better than a thoroughly awesome bad guy. After all, who doesn’t love the Penguin?

-          Homeland – Keep your readers guessing about characters’ motives and intentions – right to the end if possible. Set clues and hints along the ways, but make sure you throw in some red herrings too, and see if your readers can identify where loyalties truly lie.

-          Utopia – Not every character has to be likeable for you to care about their journey (in fact, some can be annoying, unlikeable or even despicable but if the plot is strong enough, people will keep watching/reading)

-          Wayward Pines – Misdirection is crucial. Make people think one thing all the way through, then rip the rug out from under their feet.

-          Game of Thrones – Never hesitate to shock your viewers/readers. Let them know that no character is safe from death...

 

It's like X-Files, if X-Files were a better show.  Yeah, I said it. 

-          Fringe – People love the eerie and mysterious, particularly if it’s backed up with a little scientific theory so they can debate the issues introduced.

 

-          The Leftovers – Watching how people cope with a situation is much more real, emotional and gripping than seeing the situation itself.

-          Lost – There is an incredible allure to impossible mysteries and the supernatural. Also – a long, thoroughly explained chunk of backstory is sometimes not as good as one gripping hint at somebody’s past.

-          Heroes – People love to escape their daily lives by exploring unique and impossible situations/powers. 

-          Doctor Who – Make your viewers/readers care, really care, about your characters. Make them laugh at their jokes and weep when they die or are separated. The story will then become secondary to loving your protagonist.

 

 

There's so much cool stuff in this show, I feel like it gets overlooked that Breaking Bad does the best montages in TV history.  Seriously. 

-          Breaking Bad – Nothing beats fantastic character development. Take your protagonists on a long and difficult journey, and show exactly how they develop and grow through their experiences. Make them barely recognisable as the same people they were at the beginning of the journey, and the viewers/readers will feel like they were part of that journey all along.

 

There are bound to be lots of fantastic series I haven’t acknowledged here (possibly because I haven’t watched them yet!) so I would like to know: Which series do you feel demonstrate great storytelling?

 

* * * 

 

The brand new edition of dystopian, psychological thriller The Phoenix Project by D.M. Cain was re-released on December 11th. Originally published in May 2014, this new Booktrope edition has had a complete editing overhaul plus a stunning new cover design.

 

The book is available to buy from a wide range of digital and paperback distributors

Get the nook version here.

The Amazon (US) version here.

Or on Amazon (UK) here. 

 

D.M. Cain is a dystopian and fantasy author working for US publisher Booktrope. She has released three novels: The Phoenix Project - a psychological thriller set in a dystopian future, Soren – a middle-grade fantasy, and A Chronicle of Chaos – the first in a dark fantasy series. She is currently working on the next novel in the series, 'The Shield of Soren', and a novella to accompany it.

D.M. Cain is also a member of the International Thriller Writers and is one of the creators and administrators of the online author group #Awethors. Her short story ‘The End’ was published in Awethology Dark – an anthology by the #Awethors.

Cain lives in Leicestershire, UK, with her husband and young son, and spends her time reading, writing and reviewing books, playing RPGs and listening to symphonic metal.

Links:

Website: www.dmcain84.com

Mailing List: http://eepurl.com/XevZH

Amazon: www.amazon.com/D.M.-Cain/e/B00LTTX3PA/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DMCainauthor

Twitter: https://twitter.com/DMCain84

Google+: https://plus.google.com/+DMCain/posts

Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/7888430.D_M_Cain

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCzt_E8st1pyfkoTiA4E5jNg

In a recent vlogbrothers video, Hank Green tries valiantly to tackle the big question of “what is success?”   He does this because he is often congratulated on being a success, and wants to unpack the idea. Here's a link to the video, which I highly recommend watching.  In fact, I highly recommend the entire vlogbrothers channel. 

 

He takes as good a shot at it as I think you can in a four minute video, but I also think he misses the point.

He quickly equates success and fame.  It’s not unfair – in an increasingly connected, increasingly digital world, at least some degree of fame is a requirement for success for content creators, artists, vloggers, authors and the like.  But it’s not a measure of success in its own right.

(As a quick aside I think Bill Waterson is a great example of this.   Yes, he’s famous, but he doesn’t crave that fame at all.  His fame, in and of itself, does not contribute to his life’s happiness.)

Hank wonders aloud, “What does the word success mean to the person asking ‘what is it like to be a success?’” and further wonders if perhaps success is defined as being “richer or more powerful than most people.”   Oddly, the answer is “yes,” but for a reason Hank misses entirely.

Most people, if you prod them, define success simply as, having enough so that they can do what they want to with their lives.  Having so much that you have true freedom in your life would surely make you more wealthy and powerful than most people on the planet, but the joy of having that isn’t because most people don’t.

I’ve got a lot going for me.  I’m a middle class, college educated, white male living in Canada.   I have a roof over my head, enough food to eat, and a stable internet connection. I’m already way ahead of the global average in terms of what I have in my life.

But there’s a problem.  I still go to bed at night wondering how the bills are going to get paid.  I wonder if my kid will be able to afford to go to college, or if I’ll be able to help him with that.   I wonder how much to spend on my wife’s birthday presents, and choose a number far more modest than I’d like.  I’ve needed new shoes for at least six months now, but I haven’t bought them, because groceries and diapers and the electric bill are all more important, so this simple thing – new shoes – goes neglected.  I go to sleep each night wondering what will happen if I lose my job, or if one of us gets sick.

So, when the average person asks, “Hank, what’s it like to be a success?” what they’re really asking is, “what’s it like to be able to spend your time doing what you love, instead of trading your time away to be able to afford meet your needs?  What’s it like to fall asleep at night with the security that if something unexpected happens, your finances won’t crumble?  In short: What’s it like to have enough?

Because most people in this world don’t.

This isn’t a criticism of you, Hank Green.  I think you’re a fantastic guy and you do amazing things with the success you have.  You make the world a better place and do it all with a sense of wonder and passion.

But when that’s what people ask you what it’s like to be a success, that’s what they wonder about. 

Today's an interesting day for me.   I'm part of a group of indie authors (The Awethors at #Awethors) and we're all having our second annual event, "Get Down With The Awethors!" an exhausting and entertaining 24 hour Facebook meet up.  On top of that, we've just released our first ever short story anthology, which everyone is pumped about (my story's not in there, but I was told there were no guidelines for "how dark was too dark" and, channeling my inner high school student, I tested those boundaries by smashing them to bits).

Hmmm.  No thanks.  I saw what you did to the last guy. 

49 authors with just as many short stories.  It's a good collection (and free!).   Again and again, you'll see the theme explored:  Can we find redemption?  What does that look like?  Is it a futile search, or can we be made whole?  It's not an unfair question.  It's one of the Big Questions in life.  But it's still one I answer by asking, "who cares?"

Finishing a first novel is an achievement, but a second novel is where it gets interesting, because that's where you start to spot, not the theme of your novel, but your themes for who you are as an author.  And in my case, there's one big thing that Petty (2014) and The Gravedigger's Girlfriend (December 2015/January 2016) have in common:  They are stuffed full of characters who give not a single fuck about finding redemption.

Are they so strange?  I don't think so.  I think we exist out here by the millions; those of us content, confident, and happy the way we are - those of us that believe that as-is is good enough.  No redemption is coming, but that's okay - we really don't need it.

Actually, you're kind of an asshole.  But I'm okay with that. 

I won't claim my characters are good people.  They certainly aren't.  But they're not all evil, either - they're simply a group of people that have moved past the idea of cosmic Good and Evil, and are content being themselves, whatever that looks like.  

It's their stories I enjoy telling.  And that's why I write. 

* * *

If you're curious about what it's like to be a small time thief inside a major amusement park, check out Petty on Amazon here.

If you're more interested in what it's like to bury bodies for an ex-girlfriend while dating a new girl that's even stranger, you'll have to wait for The Gravedigger's Girlfriend, out later this year. 

 

If you want to check out a bunch of free short stories from passionate indie authors, Awethology Dark is available here for free.  Its companion volume, Awethology Light, will also be free once the Amazon kinks get worked out. 

 

I was around when the world exploded with the buzz of a new Star Wars film being released for the first time in over a decade.  Lines formed outdoors.  Tents were set up.  People waited for days.  Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace was going to be the great sci-fi movie of our time - a movie we could rally around and share with future generations.  And people loved it (no, really, I swear).  But after sixteen years of backlash piling up, have we forgotten what The Phantom Menace did right?

My friend Jason G. seems to think so.  Enjoy the read. 

- Isaac

4. George Lucas’s attempt to make the prequels different from the classic trilogy.

Yeah, sometimes you step in it.  But you should still give it a shot. 

We’ve already seen from the recent Star Wars Rebels animated series how enslaved to the classic trilogy the whole franchise will go. This nostalgia together with the backlash after the questionable quality of the prequels, will entrench this next Star Wars film firmly in the style of the classic trilogy. This, for me, lessens the excitement a little, and reflects this depressing rehash, remake, revisit nightmare movie culture we currently find ourselves in.

3. Story structure designed to balance six episodes, not nine (or more)  

 Episode I: The Phantom Menace ended with four simultaneous story lines all playing out and cross-cut together. This, as the first episode of the saga, was supposed to mirror the multi-stranded end battle of Episode VI: Return of the Jedi – originally intended to be the final movie of six. The two sequences mirror each other, thus giving us structural balance. By default, the multi-stranded battle of this next trilogy must come in Episode VIII, preferably at the beginning of the film. It is highly doubtful this will happen, though.

The darkest episode of the classic trilogy was, of course, Episode V: The Empire Strikes back, the second instalment of that trilogy. In the prequels, the darkest episode was saved for Episode III: Revenge of the Sith, thus ending that trilogy in tragedy. By default, the upcoming Episode VII, if it is to fit into the structure laid out by the two previous trilogies, should be the darkest of the next three films. But no way they’ll be doing that. You just know the darkest episode will be Episode VIII, the middle act of the new trilogy.

The epic, standalone (not multi-stranded) space battle came at the end of Episode IV: A New Hope – the first in the original three films – when Luke attacks the Death Star. This was mirrored by having the standalone space battle at the beginning of Episode III, when Anakin and Obi-Wan rescue the chancellor. By default, the standalone space battle of the upcoming trilogy must occur at the end of Episode IX, or perhaps, even more radically, the middle of Episode VIII. But it will not.

 

2. The lightsaber fights

Talk shit if you want, but it did look pretty awesome. 

Unemotional, soulless, too obviously choreographed, say what you like about the lightsaber battles of the prequels, there was a lot of them, and some of them went on for aaaaaages.

 

1. Editing

George Lucas, since his film school short THX 1138 4EB, has always had a love for art house experimental film. OK, after American Graffiti, he seemed to have ditched this obsession in favour of more commercial filmmaking – except in his editing style. He loves taking the beginnings, middle, or ends of shots and editing them together to create unique and visually arresting sequences. The classic trilogy is, of course, full of great editing of this style. However, one of the best moments of experimental editing of any Star Wars film (of any action film per se) was surprisingly, in the bloody terrible Attack of the Clones. The lightsaber fight between Anakin and Count Dooku treats us to a moment of pure visual abstraction: sabers fizz and whir, sparks fly, sabers clash, all edited on pure movement and kinetic energy. When Anakin swings his laser sword, Dooku swings his; when Anakin twirls it around his head, Dooku mirrors him. The sequence, aided with a break in the 180 degree rule, is cut together so that the two characters seem as one in a balletic dance foreshadowing Anakin’s future as the next evil Sith lord. This moment is pure experimental cinema, the likes of which you’d only expect to see in some sleazy art house cinema in Soho.

Yes, The Force Awakens will undoubtedly be better than all three prequels combined, absolutely no doubts there, but will it give us something we haven’t seen before? Will it push the boundaries of cinema? Say what you like about the prequels, but they tried in that respect, damn it! They tried to push the boundaries of big budget Hollywood movies. Oh they failed, of course, they failed. But they did try, they did try.

----------

Jason Greensides is the author of the contemporary literary novel The Distant Sound of Violence. He’s interested in ‘outsider’ types, and the protagonist of his novel, Nathan Dawes, through his inability to connect with the opposite sex, his philosophical ramblings, and yes, his crazy theories about Star Wars, certainly qualifies in this distinction. 

 

The Distant Sound of Violence is currently on sale for Kindle $0.99 / £0.99

Amazon link for The Distant Sound of Violence mybook.to/TDSOV

Other links:

Website: jasongreensides.com

Twitter: twitter.com/jasongreensides

Goodreads: goodreads.com/Jason_greensides

My uncle loves video games of all sorts.  We both had an Amiga 500 computer, and I loved mine.  Hell, I’m writing a novel right now that’s all about a middle school boy’s first love: his computer.  So when my uncle gave me a game – unplayed – I was confused.  I assumed it probably wasn’t very good.  He said he couldn’t get into it.

Most of my games in those days were pirated – copied from friends onto 3.25 inch floppy disks, the game titles written on in sharpie or pen or pencil, scratched out and replaced with new games as I tired of the old ones and couldn’t afford new floppies.

I may or may not have commissioned a giant painting of this box art to hang on my writing room wall. 

This game was the real deal – new in box, with a cloth map, illustrated instruction manuals, and an metal ankh.  Seeing a “real” Amiga game was rare enough in the 90s in the USA. One with this much cool stuff in the box?  I didn’t even know they existed.   And so began my obsession with Ultima IV: Quest of the Avatar.

I started out by answering a series of tough moral questions, centered around eight virtues.  There were no wrong answers, but no perfect ones, either.  A thief steals some bread.  Would I show compassion by letting him escape, or serve justice by turning him in.   A friend wants me to vouch for him to enter a religious order, but I know he’s not ready.  Will I help him on his spiritual path by lying for him, or be honest and dash his dreams?

I answered all the questions and then my character was dropped on a little island with a town.  Seeing nowhere else to go, I entered.  It was a strange experience indeed – everyone in the story had a tale, a job, a life.  But few people seemed distressed or bothered, and no one particularly needed my help.  There was so much to explore, but if there was anything to do, I hadn’t found it.  With no way off the island and this peaceful town, I gave up.

I started the game again sometime later.   After I answered the questions this time, I started the game next to a different city, one with a castle nearby.  The world was open to me now, and I went exploring.   Town after town I found the same thing:  a happy, peaceful world, unbothered by evil.  I kept searching for mention of some boss or conqueror or war.  There was none.  The king, Lord British, was benevolent.  Britannia, by all accounts, was a stellar place to live.

Eventually I discovered other companions who would join me, and the game began in earnest.  I discovered shrines to meditate at, but after meditating at each, not much happened.  Then, I meditated at the shrine of Spirituality, and it happened:  I was 1/8th of an Avatar.

 

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Don't let the 80s graphics fool you, I still listen to the soundtrack for this game.  And everyone who does instrumental covers of the song "Stones" is making the world a better place. 

Holy shit.  I had advanced not by killing enemies or growing stronger, but by acting in a spiritual way.  I visited the seer, Hawkwind, the NPC charged with telling me how I was doing for each of the games eight virtues.  I was an avatar in spirituality, sure, but the rest was less encouraging.  I’d gone through the game looting chests, slaughtering anything that gave me gold or XP, lying, cheating, and stealing to min-max my character at every opportunity.  Compassion?  Justice?  Honor?  Honesty?  Hawkwind assured me I was a disgusting, horrifying human being.  Huh.  I’d made a mistake somewhere.

I started the game again.  By this time I knew that the virtue of Honor was associated with the Paladin, the game’s best starting class. I answered the questions again to always choose the honorable path when available, and here I was:  Isaac the Honorable.

I went through the game again, re-collecting all the items and companions and gold.  This time, I did it differently:  I paid full price for things even when given the opportunity to cheat.  I gave money to beggars.  I told the truth when asked questions. I healed the sick.  I showed mercy to fleeing opponents.  Slowly, I began to acquire more “eighths” of the Avatar:  embodying not only spirituality, but valor, sacrifice, justice, humility.   The purpose of this game was not to defeat some external comic book evil: it was to make the world better by living in a good and transcendent way.  It’s a lesson that’s never left me.

Isaac the Paladin was now level eight.  I’d collected six other companions, one for each of the virtues except for one: Humility.  There was clearly a blank space in the roster for an eighth party member.   But the Shepherd, those who followed the virtue of humility, were no more.  Their town had been obliterated for their pride.  I’d been there.  Scoured the place.  It was all ghosts.  Not a shepherd to be found.

Pictured:  Not my ankh.  I gave the one that came with my version of Ultima IV to a girl in high school, and never got it back.  My mom was right when she told me it wasn't a good time in life to date. :( 

I scoured the game world.  Asked every beggar, wanderer, knight, and child to come along on my quest.  I could find no one.  I was forty hours or more into this game at this point.  Could it be?  Was Ultima IV really punishing me for not choosing to play as the Shepherd, the humble, the weakest class?  I was dumbstruck.  A lesson in humility, indeed.

I sent away for a strategy guide, scraping together Christmas money diligently saved.  When it arrived, it was more game lore and dungeon maps I’d already painstakingly drawn by hand.  No mention of a shepherd companion.  I restarted the game.

This time, I was not Isaac the Valiant or Isaac the Honorable or Isaac the Just, but Isaac the Humble.  And it was a humble existence, indeed.  The Shepherd is the only class that starts out all the way at level one.  No one will join you on your quest until you’re stronger.  You have no weapons.  You have no armor.  No magic.  Everything about you is demonstrably worse than every other class.  There is no upside.  Something as simple as getting poisoned in the field resulted in a slow and comical death, as you lacked even the few magic points needed for a cure poison spell and had too few hit points to get back to a healer before you bled out.

But I was not to be dissuaded.  I died again and again and again, slowly acquiring the experience to gain levels and convince others to follow me.   Forty hours more, maybe longer.  My Shepherd had reached the maximum level of eight, and I’d gathered a full roster of companions.  I meditated at all the shrines again, spent hours and hours replicating all my good deeds, becoming an example for the world. 

Fifty more hours of grinding, when I was so near the end before, contemplating the slowest unfolding, cruelest, most bizarre lesson in humility I’d ever experienced.  A hell of an achievement for a game released in 1985.

I descended the final dungeon, proved my virtue not by beating a boss, but by answering philosophical questions about the virtues.  I was the Avatar.  And not just my character, but part of me, too.  The lessons I learned will always be with me, and make me stronger.  They form who I am today.

Oh, and ten years later, when the internet became a thing, I found out that Katrina, the Shepherd companion, was standing on the edge of Magincia the whole fucking time.  I’d just missed her, because she was hiding from the ghosts.   And that you don’t even need all eight party members to complete the game.

But, you know, at least I learned something. 

All that money spent on hair dye finally pays off for Rainbow Dash. 

I have mixed feelings about the gay marriage ruling. Don't get me wrong, I'm over the moon that we've made such progress. But my relationship with my parents will inevitably get worse if I express excitement or happiness. They already ignore the reality of my sexuality as much as they can. I hate that my happiness is tempered with such frustration and anxiety. I can't even make my picture rainbow without fear of a major fight.

- Pensive Rainbow

Dear Pensive,

It sounds to me like your feelings about the gay marriage ruling aren't mixed at all.  You're happy about it (and I am too!).  Your parents, though, aren't.  That makes things complicated.  Wanting the love of our parents is normal, and wanting to keep the peace during family gatherings is natural.

One of the hardest things about being a young adult is figuring out how to interact with our parents.  You may move out, pay bills, get a job, go to college... but in their eyes, you will always be (partially, at least) a child.  Watching a child grow into an adult is painful and awkward for the parents too, and I think it's important to acknowledge that.

But that's where it stops.  There will be many ways, great and small, where your parents disagree with you, from how much time you spend on the internet to your thoughts on religion, and everything in between.  You can't pretend to be someone you aren't just to keep things calm.  It's not just bad for you emotionally; it's unsustainable.  Someday, your parents will have to deal with how you feel about this issue and many others. Living your entire life counter to your own beliefs just to please your parents is going to result in you being unhappy with not being who you want to be, which is worse than any family drama.

Be yourself, open and unashamed.  It will make you a happier person, and that is something every parent wants for their children.  It's their job – and very likely, their desire – as parents to love you in spite of any differences of opinion you might have.  Politely and respectfully give them the opportunity to rise to the occasion.

Remember:  Your feelings are not up for debate.  They belong to you and aren’t dictated by argument.  If the huge argument you envision looks as though it's going to erupt, go with “I love you, but I don't want to talk about this with you right now,” and let it sit.  Passions can flare in the heat of the moment, but once they've had some time to get used to how you feel and behave, they'll relax.  They probably won't come around to seeing things your way, but they'll realize their relationship with you is more important than fruitless arguing.

- Isaac

                                              There's always one. 

Thanks to this week's Supreme Court verdict, I found out my son supports gay marriage.  I'm worried he might even be gay, and just not telling me.  I don't agree with that lifestyle at all.  What can I do?

- Feeling Like a Bad Parent

Dear Parent,

I’m going to skip over arguing whether the Supreme Court ruling is right or wrong – you have your beliefs and a few sentences on the internet is unlikely to change that.

Let me ask you this:  Do you love your son unconditionally?  You, like nearly all parents, are likely to answer with a resounding “yes!” to this question.  Well, it’s time to earn those stripes.

Loving people you agree with on everything is really easy. But you’re not going to agree with everything your child does.  That’s painful, and when it comes to a fundamentally held moral belief, it can be deeply painful.  I understand.  Find someone to talk to about the issue – a spouse, a trusted friend, a counselor, a pastor.    

But NOT your son.  He’s your child, not your therapist.  They’ve spent their entire lives with you – I’m sure they know how you feel.  Heaping guilt and judgment on them for your own peace of mind is inappropriate.  Instead, focus on the thing that is the marker of a good parent – show them love, with the focus on the “unconditional.”

If that seems too hard or too vague, start with a lesson your parents very likely taught you – if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. 

- Isaac

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Well, that's all for this week.  If you have a question you'd like featured in next week's column, leave a message in the comments or message me on Facebook or Twitter @isaacjourden.