Shreya Ganguly:

When my friends were getting married and producing kids, I still believed that my prince will come, riding on a horse, a unicorn preferably. Is there actually any age limit to have such fantasies in your mind? To be rational, at my age, fantasies only refer to sexual positions. Actually, our life is divided into some predefined phases and you’re supposed to act like that. Age – 1 to 7: Play with Barbie, 7 to 13: Love Pink, be Pink, 13 to 16: Join the race, 16 to 22: Love, Sex Aur Dhoka, 22 to 24: Shop with your own money, 24 to 26: Wear Red (Get Married), 26 to 27: Be Mommy and the cycle continues.

I actually give a fuck to all that crap and I still hang stockings on my balcony every Christmas. Yes! I believe in Santa, he though doesn’t put gifts in the stockings anymore but sends them by courier because his little daughter is now Territorial Head in Aircall.

My nostalgic dreams were shaken off with my phone ringing loud at the other end of the bed, I sluggishly reached for my phone.

‘Good Morning! Mimi!’ I said lazily stretching my arms.

‘Shona! You’re still sleeping.’ Mimi’s as usual rants.

‘I came home at 11.30 yesterday.’

‘What? I told you not to work that late.’ She bawled at me.

‘What to do then? There is so much work.’

‘I’m so worried about you. I think you should get married now.’

‘C’mon Mimi! You think my boss will give me less work if I get married.’ I was just pissed of my mother’s logic that marriage is the solution for everything.

Add to my already dismayed start to the day, my sales executives were calling me on my office phone.

‘Mimi, hold on.’ I switched to the other phone. ‘Yes! Raghav.’

‘Madam! I want a leave today.’ He requested.

‘For what?’

‘I have some personal work.’

‘C’mon Raghav! You know it’s month end and we are tight on work.’

‘I don’t care.’

‘What did you say?’ I blasted. ‘Stop ridiculing me else I will fire you.’

‘Madam! I’ve promised my girlfriend.’

That line struck my mind straight, he was ready to leave his job to take his girl out. How can someone love so much in these days? For todays’ guys, a girl is nothing more than a pair of breasts; this guy seemed to have risen up from extinction of his kind.

‘Okay! You can go today but you will complete your work on this Sunday.’ I don’t actually admire the passionate love rather I feel deprived of it. May be that’s why I thought to settle down for few numbers this month on my sales report.

‘Thank you, Madam!’ He was smiling.

Mimi was still waiting on the other phone.

‘Say now, Mimi!’

‘Is this how you talk to your staff?’ She was distraught to find her daughter loud and rude because who would want to marry such a girl.

‘I’ll talk to you at night. I’ve to rush to office.’ I hung up.

***

By the time my stomach turned into a volcano in hunger, I realized that it was already 4 pm. Even my canteen had stopped serving lunch by then. Rest of the staff in my floor were already taking their tea break and I was in no mood to walk to the restaurant on the other side of the road. I asked the office boy to get me some biscuits, my colleagues looked at me as I continued to work skipping lunch for another day but they were too now used to it.

I was the only female territorial head in my company and there was this strange instinct in me to be ahead, not of those territorial head but ahead of those men. I am not a feminist who would cry for ladies seat on a bus rather I believed why should boys have all the fun? I was actually jealous of them. They can come home late, they can booze, they can ride fast bikes, they can wear anything, they can go anywhere, they can get married late and they can break hearts. Sigh!

By 6 pm, I glanced outside the window to see people leaving for home or may be party but for me even leaving at 9 pm was a luxury. Actually, even I left early; I had nothing to do at my home apartment. I was living alone. It had been now well one year in Mumbai yet I could find couple of people with whom I could spend my time after office. I simply can’t trust people. Moreover, the heavy crowd in the city had always been suffocating for me. You see, I never had a liking for Mumbai rather I hated it always. Coming to Mumbai was never a choice rather it was an escape from my shattered dreams, I wouldn’t have objected even if they had send me to Afghanistan.

New job, new city, new house and new people yet those old memories haunted me all the time. I went on holidays with friends, parents and even alone but I guess they only work in Bollywood movies. Finally, my mother came up with her best solution – ‘Get married.’ It had been a year since then that I had an account in Vivaah.com but then nothing actually worked. I would get over 20 requests a day, of course for my pretty pictures that my mother had posted. I seriously wonder does a wife mean more than a sex partner to the guys.  May be, that’s too shallow thinking from my part but then I seriously don’t trust guys.

***

I wasn’t happy about this guy at all. Anyway, these IT guys are always desperate. He had indirectly asked my number few times by complaining that his Facebook has network issues or do you use what’s app, did he really think that I was that dumb? Couldn’t he think of anything more creative? Anyway, I forwarded him number because it was actually me who had send me the request on Vivaah.com and he was actually cute.

My ignore humans policy had actually made me so unsocial that I couldn’t even finish my monthly 512 MB free data pack but from him it seemed even 20 GB wouldn’t be sufficient. My newsfeed was all about his statuses and pictures. He was online on what’s app even at 3 am. He did message me sometimes which I always chose to ignore. Might be because blue ticks weren’t into existence or he was too optimistic, he still had hopes on me.

And then one fine day. ‘It’s been a month that we know each other, can we talk?’

What did he actually mean by that? I wondered. I guess he was now pissed off my snubbing. Though I knew even if I didn’t reply to him, it won’t matter. He will still wait and even if he didn’t, I would actually be happy. It was actually not working between us at all, I wasn’t yet ready for all this and I didn’t want him to waste his time for a girl like me. Moreover, who knows that he wasn’t actually seeing someone else too?

I didn’t reply.

***

Next day, I got a call from a landline number around 4 pm. It was again a month end date, my two executives where on leave and I had been getting spam calls since morning.

‘Hello! Shreya Ganguly!’

Uff! Another spam! I mean nobody else talks that politely. ‘Listen dude! I don’t want credit card, personal loan, home loan or holiday packages. Please, I am busy. Do not disturb.’ I blasted.

‘Hey! Hey! Stop! I’m Ayan.’

‘Who?’ I asked.

‘Ayan Pal. The guy from Vivaah.com, remember?’

‘You called?’

‘Yeah! I did.’

Period. I didn’t know what to say rather I was scared. I actually don’t appreciate guys approaching me that way.

‘I’m busy right now. Can we talk later?’

‘Yeah! Sure.’ He immediately hung up.

I didn’t have time to think about him that day at all. Rather, my day became even worse after his call. My boss asked me to come to office next day which was Sunday. I seriously wished that I file a case of harassment now against my company. Actually, my boss had figured out about my depression and also the fact that I was seeking a way out of it by working hard, that’s where he had taken me for granted. Strangely, I obliged. I seriously needed to get a life.

When I reached home that night, I realised that I forgot to put my food in fridge and it was not worth eating, thanks to Mumbai’s humidity. It was another Maggie night for me. Till the time, I finished with my chores and talking to Mimi, it was 2.30 am. I thought to check my messages on what’s app.

‘How was your day?’ He had already messaged.

I didn’t reply but then he saw me online.

‘Hi! Shreya! You there.’

I had to reply. ‘Yeah!’

‘I had called you. I’m sorry, I wasn’t aware that you were busy.’

‘What else do you expect me to do in office? Facebook? What’s app? Random calls?’

‘Excuse me! What do you mean by that?’

‘I don’t like guys calling me without permission.’

‘Aren’t you being too rude? I mean since you’ve contacted me on Vivaah.com, we are supposed to talk with each other else how do you expect things to get well between us?’

‘I guess that was a mistake, I am not interested in you anymore. I am not ready for it. You can go ahead. All the best.’

‘Yeah! I too think so that we should not continue. Anyway, next time don’t waste someone’s time if you’re not ready for all this.’

‘I don’t need your advice! Ok!’

Typing… I could see that status for some time. God! Now he was up to some long lecture to me and finally would say that I would regret losing him. This was actually getting disgusting now. I was about to block when I received his message.

‘Best wishes for your future. Take care.’

I still couldn’t figure what actually had stopped me to block him. Might be because he was cute. Whatever.

***

It’s been few months since that night, I had completely forgotten about him. He stopped pinging me and also liking my each and every photo on Facebook. I wasn’t even sure if he was still in my friendlist. I moved on not only from him but from my miserable life too. I had realized that life was beyond corporate awards and had now posted my resume on Naukri.com. Moreover, I actually realized that I was now inching towards my 30s and was utterly craving for love. I too wanted someone to bring me flowers, someone to hold my hands when I cross road, someone take me on bike rides, someone pamper me like a little, someone just love me unconditionally. If not August Waters at least I wanted a Raghu Romeo.

Meanwhile, Mimi was so determined to get me married that wedding season that she would often make meet those matches suggested by families and friends. I did meet them but then nothing actually worked, no jingles in my heart yet. It only made Mimi so upset that she collapsed and had to be rushed to hospital. The doctor said it was just because of fasting for the Durga Puja but I knew the real reason was me. For the first time, I decided not to be selfish anymore and marry whoever Mimi says.

‘Subho Bijoya.’ Ayan messaged me on Durga Puja. It seemed a broadcast message for the occasion. And for courtesy, I replied him back.

‘Same to you.’

He never bothered me again. I don’t know but somewhere in me, I wanted him to message me more. It was actually so not him, what did I do to him? Did he actually didn’t care that Shreya Ganguly had messaged her back.

‘How are you?’ I messaged him after two days.

‘I’m fine. You say.’ He replied. Thank God! He was normal.

‘I am not fine, my mother is in hospital.’ I was so alone those days that I wanted to tell someone everything.

‘What happened to her?’

And then it all started all over again but this time even I let myself in. He was really a caring guy. He would just not ask me about my wellbeing but was equally concerned about Mimi’s health. Mostly, Dad would stay back in hospital with Mimi at night which would make completely lonely back at home. So, I started to chat with Ayan more. We discussed about our interests, hobbies, families and what not! The best thing I liked about him was his sense of humour. He was amazingly funny. I would often browse through his photos on Facebook. He was astoundly handsome to be an IT geek and he knew that very well. When these IT guys posted their selfies in front of mirror just to flaunt their apple devices or updated statuses about their bosses. He would go brandish about his bike, I have a thing in me for guys with bikes. His pictures always depicted his careless attitude, his messy hair took my breath away. Yet, we still didn’t talk on phone, he had asked me to call him a few times but I always had my own set of excuses. I was happy being his admirer or stalker may be. I feared if I fell in love with him, he will break my heart. Leave a guy, he will love you and love a guy, he will surely leave. Guys are all same, mean.

***

I don’t hide anything from Mimi, I told her about Ayan when she recovered from her illness. Even though, she had wanted me to get hitched and now when I told her that I had started liking someone, she actually looked sceptical. Yeah! Her set of questions came up- what he does? Where he studies? How much he earns? Does his parents know about you?

Well, over these nine months, I had known those basic things about him and he actually seemed a nice guy but then I wasn’t sure if he genuinely liked me that way. Guys use these sites for dating someone for some time in the pretext of knowing the person before plunging into commitment. It’s always better that parents are involved into this as early as possible.

‘Hi! Ayan! Do your parents know about me?’ I messaged him.

‘Nopes. Not yet.’ He replied.

‘WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL THEM?

‘What’s there to tell them?

‘That we’re talking?’

‘Is it, Shreya? We never talked rather than these chats?

‘I talked to my mother, she wants to talk to your mother.’

‘Don’t you think, we should talk first, meet and try to know each other well?’

Those lines sank my heart, he happened to be the same. Moron. I didn’t reply him.

‘Don’t you trust me?’ he messaged.

‘No.’ At least, I was happy that I could see his true colours so soon. ‘From now, I don’t want to talk to you anymore.’

‘C’mon! Shreya! You’re just insane.’

Looking at my frowning face, both my parents had got an idea as what has happened between me and Ayan. We all had a silent dinner. There was more of a rage than disappointment in Mimi’s eyes for Ayan. I finished eating and walked to my room. Mimi followed me soon.

‘Sona! Don’t worry, you will get a better guy.’

‘Mimi! I’m not even thinking about him. I am just worried that my flight doesn’t get delayed due to fog. I have to go back.’ I said fiddling with my phone.

‘I wonder why these guys are on Matrimony sites when they don’t to get married even.’

‘Mimi! Let’s not talk about it. Please. I want to sleep.’

Mimi kissed my forehead, put over the blanket and switched off the light as she left my room. I opened my Facebook to unfriend Ayan but there was a message in my inbox. It was from Ayan, his mother’s phone no. Ok! I had blocked him already on what’s app an hour back.

***

Things seemed to fall in place amazingly, Mimi called his mother the very next day and she was more than happy to hear from us. She invited me to her place when I returned to Mumbai again. She actually seemed more frantic than Mimi for Ayan’s wedding. So, guys have the same pressure too.

I returned to Mumbai that evening and of course, Ayan had wanted to pick me from Airport but then I wanted to continue our fairy tale romance for some time now. I was enjoying it now. However, by the end of weekend even Mimi had insisted me to see him and so finally we planned to meet next Saturday.