An excerpt from our forthcoming book/5
In anticipation of the release of our new book 'We Are Human Angels, We Inspire Change' we're sharing an excerpt a day. Today's is from Chapter 1.4, Projections.
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(...) Romantic relationships are a major cause of suffering. Each of us experiences, throughout relationships, the highest joys but also the deepest sufferings: betrayal, abandonment, resentment, anger, disappointed expectations, a sense of failure… However, in relationships, when there is suffering there cannot be true love: true love is Unconditional. Either love is joy and happiness, or it is not Unconditional Love.
When there is suffering, it is the “love of the ego.” What we feel in our romantic relationships, that we believe is love, is actually a tangled web of projective mechanisms of the ego: “I project my father onto you and you project your mother onto me.” In our romantic relationships, we re-create and re-experience the patterns and the roles that we have absorbed and internalized from our parents, since our childhood. However, our projective mechanisms are not merely the result of the actual pattern of relationship between our parents. Rather, they are the result of our emotional experiences and personal memories of their relationship. This explains why siblings can internalize different models of parental relationships. A partner is no longer seen for whom she or he is, but through the distorting mirror of parental relationships that we have internalized and that we continue to project onto them.
The stronger the projection mechanism is, the stronger the feelings of pain in the relationship become. For example, as a boy, if I had a controlling and “emasculating” mother, my partner will always behave with me in a similar fashion, until I heal the feminine side that I have internalized. Only looking at myself without judgment, can I accept myself for who I am and let go of the illusion of control and “emasculation” that I have co-created through my projections. For example, as a girl, if I had a father who had behaved in a disparaging and denigrating way towards my mother, my partner will do the same with me, until I heal my sense of self-worthlessness.
The energy of our projective mechanisms within a romantic relationship is so powerful that it has the potential to unlock our inner child, the most vulnerable part of ourselves that we generally try to keep secret. The inner child makes us draw out our emotional blocks, and our oldest and deepest scars; those that, since childhood, we have hidden within ourselves. Our partner, as our most intimate mirror, has the natural ability to fracture and shatter the wall of judgment, self-control, and self-censure behind which we hide ourselves. Thus revealing and freeing our inner child, which in reality is only asking to be recognized and loved. The inner child needs to have the possibility to manifest and show itself openly to the world in order to heal its own wounds of love and experience of life. Only in this way can the inner child again begin to trust and unconditionally love the world, accepting and unconditionally loving itself.
We often hide from other people, because of self-judgment, the parts of ourselves that we are ashamed of showing. We choose to show only the parts that we consider “acceptable”. In this way, we end up believing in a false representation of ourselves, until an emotional involvement within a romantic relationship unveils what was hidden behind our mask: we are naked in front of the mirror of a romantic relationship. Observing ourselves during a romantic relationship tells us exactly at which point of our healing journey from the ego and judgment we are.
(...end of the excerpt) Our book is available for pre-order at Amazon. Release date: April 17, 2016!We Are Human Angels, We Inspire Change
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(...) Romantic relationships are a major cause of suffering. Each of us experiences, throughout relationships, the highest joys but also the deepest sufferings: betrayal, abandonment, resentment, anger, disappointed expectations, a sense of failure… However, in relationships, when there is suffering there cannot be true love: true love is Unconditional. Either love is joy and happiness, or it is not Unconditional Love.
When there is suffering, it is the “love of the ego.” What we feel in our romantic relationships, that we believe is love, is actually a tangled web of projective mechanisms of the ego: “I project my father onto you and you project your mother onto me.” In our romantic relationships, we re-create and re-experience the patterns and the roles that we have absorbed and internalized from our parents, since our childhood. However, our projective mechanisms are not merely the result of the actual pattern of relationship between our parents. Rather, they are the result of our emotional experiences and personal memories of their relationship. This explains why siblings can internalize different models of parental relationships. A partner is no longer seen for whom she or he is, but through the distorting mirror of parental relationships that we have internalized and that we continue to project onto them.
The stronger the projection mechanism is, the stronger the feelings of pain in the relationship become. For example, as a boy, if I had a controlling and “emasculating” mother, my partner will always behave with me in a similar fashion, until I heal the feminine side that I have internalized. Only looking at myself without judgment, can I accept myself for who I am and let go of the illusion of control and “emasculation” that I have co-created through my projections. For example, as a girl, if I had a father who had behaved in a disparaging and denigrating way towards my mother, my partner will do the same with me, until I heal my sense of self-worthlessness.
The energy of our projective mechanisms within a romantic relationship is so powerful that it has the potential to unlock our inner child, the most vulnerable part of ourselves that we generally try to keep secret. The inner child makes us draw out our emotional blocks, and our oldest and deepest scars; those that, since childhood, we have hidden within ourselves. Our partner, as our most intimate mirror, has the natural ability to fracture and shatter the wall of judgment, self-control, and self-censure behind which we hide ourselves. Thus revealing and freeing our inner child, which in reality is only asking to be recognized and loved. The inner child needs to have the possibility to manifest and show itself openly to the world in order to heal its own wounds of love and experience of life. Only in this way can the inner child again begin to trust and unconditionally love the world, accepting and unconditionally loving itself.
We often hide from other people, because of self-judgment, the parts of ourselves that we are ashamed of showing. We choose to show only the parts that we consider “acceptable”. In this way, we end up believing in a false representation of ourselves, until an emotional involvement within a romantic relationship unveils what was hidden behind our mask: we are naked in front of the mirror of a romantic relationship. Observing ourselves during a romantic relationship tells us exactly at which point of our healing journey from the ego and judgment we are.
(...end of the excerpt) Our book is available for pre-order at Amazon. Release date: April 17, 2016!We Are Human Angels, We Inspire Change
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