the Manic Street Preachers once sang. Well, they'd sure as hell change their tune if they ever saw my local one. It's a moth-eaten demountable full of drably arranged books, mad old women who scream if you inadvertantly pick up their newspaper, and such cutting-edge entertainment as series 8 of Are You Being Served? And yes, you're quite right I've got the hump with the place because it doesn't stock any of my masterpieces. I even donated five copies of Girls Like Funny Boys - a novel by a Brisbane writer set entirely within Brisbane - and they still wouldn't put it on their stupid smelly shelves.

And so in a fit of pique that surely equals any act of Shakespearean revenge you may care to name, I went out and bought an e-reader. I was even cackling as I bought it. If my local library doesn't want me, then I don't want it. And instead of having to choose between 34 James Patterson novels and trying to steal an old woman's newspaper, I now have the world's virtual library at my fingertips.

Have you bought an e-reader? They seem to be all the rage these days, much like Lady Ga-Ga, upheaval in the Arab world, and sleeping with roadkill in a bid to lessen the bone-aching loneliness of modern life. Best of all, I can actually find my ebooks as they're available from all major online retailers. It does provide a crumb of comfort to my tortured artistic soul as I pour my heart out to the squashed possum in my arms before retiring to bed. And guess what? Sales are already promising - Looking For Sarah Jane Smith actually touched Amazon's top 5000 the other day. Who would've dreamed such wild success was possible? Certainly not those mouldy old spinsters at my local library who may die in a suspicious fire any day now!

Anyhow, to celebrate my growing good fortune - and to help my other books ease away from their ranking of 350,000 - I'm offering a 50% discount on all of my e-books. Just email bidp@babyicedogpress.com.au with the title of whichever book you want in the subject line and I will issue you a coupon for the book website www.smashwords.com No time limit. (Demountable-dwelling librarians, unless they come round my house and beg, excluded).

The ebook revolution - and what a fantastic thing it is - means my books should live forever. And if I'm hit by a bus tomorrow (a fond fantasy of mine) then even in the year 3011 someone somewhere could be reading about snake-wielding bandits, Dr Who-quoting parrots and Cliff Richard-loving childkillers.

Now, isn't that heartwarming?