I need you by me,
Beside me,
to guide me.
To hold me,
To scold me,
‘Cause when I’m bad
I’m so, so bad…

Donna Summer, Last Dance

The behavior of Americans from the United States (Muricans, for short)*is intriguing, even to me — alas, especially to me, born and raised as I was in one of their outlying colonies, a member of the Borikwá tribe. In the past couple of weeks, I’ve seen them in thrall to mediocre pop queens, mired in an epic discussion about public restrooms, pondering the ultimate me...