...you won’t know if the girl of your dreams who sits next to you in senior seminar was raped before you met her…quite possibly by someone whose misogynist jokes you thought were funny…

Do the math, guys!

A realistic estimate is that 20 percent of women who enter college will be raped or coerced into sex before they graduate.

This means there is a one in five chance that any girl you fall in love with has been raped.

Rape victims don’t look different.

Most rape victims try very hard to look and act normal. They want to fit back in with their classmates. They want their lives back. And they succeed on the surface.

So you won’t know if the girl of your dreams who sits next to you in senior seminar was raped before you met her – quite possibly by someone you know. Quite possibly, by someone whose misogynist jokes you thought were funny.

… but rape will affect you.

Through no fault of their own, women who have been raped have more difficulty forming intimate relationships. They are less secure. They have trouble trusting men – and that includes you. They are more prone to diseases such as Irritable Bowel Syndrome – think of that as diarrhea, cramps, and abdominal pain.

If she’s too humiliated to tell you, rape will still pervade your life. You will share awkwardness, more guarded sex, and vague illnesses that take her from doctor to doctor trying to find relief.

If she tells you, you’ll face heart-wrenching decisions. Because even if you run away, you’ll still hurt yourself if you cut off a great relationship.

All this happens because some male planned, plotted, and attacked her, and the whole mess is unnecessary.

Starting at the Beginning.

Recently, I looked around at the opening convocation at a major university and wondered which young women would be rape victims.

Of the thousand women in the quadrangle, which 200 would be assaulted in the next four years?

I couldn’t predict, because future victims don’t look different.

…but future rapists are different.

Campus rapes are committed by less than 10 percent of male students. They are repeat offenders, and they can be identified. They play to an audience. They tell misogynist jokes. They brag about what they have done and what they plan to do. Their aggression is fueled by the reaction of their peers.

If you are one of the 10 percent, we can find you.

The 90 percent can take control.

If you are one of the 90 percent of college men who would not rape or coerce a young woman to have sex, your future happiness depends on what you do now.

Look around for the other guys who are vaguely uneasy when braggarts brag. Who awkwardly force themselves to smile at misogynist jokes. There are more of you than them, and you have a lot more at risk. Stand together and throw water on their parade.

Your future is in your hands.

A rapist will never be truly happy. But you still have a chance to be happy if you don’t let it be stolen from you.

Learn to speak up! If you’re silently passive now, you put your own future at risk. If you do not find and use words now, you risk your own happiness! Don’t hurt yourself. Don’t be a passive bystander!

You can read more about The Blue Eyed Girl and her life at excerpts page.

Copyright 2016 by William Goodson

This essay may be reproduced in whole or in part provided the name of William Goodson is listed as the author.

* Victims of rape feel more pain than any guy, but an unmet challenge in preventing date rape is to get bystanders to speak up. This essay explains to the frequently-passive 90 percent of men who would not commit rape why they have very personal reasons to speak up to prevent date rape.

The post GUYS, DATE RAPE DOESN’T END QUICKLY* appeared first on The Blue Eyed Girl.