I've decided to retire on the royalties I've made on my novel 5IVE SPEED. Okay, so retirement involves living in a refrigerator box. but fortunately in my neighborhood people are constantly doing renovations and I have found some very nice refrigerator boxes. It can't be that bad, and at least that way when people ask, I can honestly say I write novels for a living. When a writer comes up with a statement like that, the listener always assumes financial success is attached to the declaration. Guilt by omission has never bothered me when it comes to people thinking more of me than I deserve.

I love my humorous novel, and so far I've only heard good things about it from people who have read it. Some who have praised it are not even family and friends. When you write a humor novel and people tell you they laughed out loud, it's high praise indeed. Admittedly, a humor novel should make you laugh out loud, but seriously…how often has that happened to you? Christopher Moore makes me laugh out loud. David Foster Wallace has made me laugh out loud. If Charley Warady can make you laugh out loud with a novel like 5IVE SPEED, then I will certainly enjoy the company I keep.

Social media has not helped me in quest to increase sales volume for 5IVE SPEED. Recently I asked over 740 followers of mine on Twitter to retweet a plug for the book, and two people did so. Whoever said social media is a great marketing tool has never tried to independently sell a humor novel. You would think the Kindle edition would at least sell, but it has lagged also. I love my Kindle and I don't understand why everyone doesn't have a copy of the best humor novel around on it. Or any ebook for that matter. Hell, it even comes in paperback so knock yourself out.

I'm going to stick to my guns because I know and believe the right famous person is going to read it and it's going to take off. In the meantime, I've decided to use two refrigerator boxes.

I've always wanted to live in a split-level.