Why are women mean to each other?
"Why are women mean to each other?"
Fresh off of playing another series of live shows in several different states, I tend to contemplate things. How to make shows better, look for new songs, etc. Sometimes I revisit the actions of people I observed in my travels. Currently I am wondering: Why are women mean to each other? I don't mean that ALL women are mean to each other, but quite a few are. I see it a lot. Mainly I see it at night while I am on stage in bars/clubs or on a break, but I have seen it in stores, walking through the mall, on TV, or in movies as well. (Yes, I realize TV and movies are scripted that way, but the idea comes from SOMEwhere.) So, why? Being a man it made me curious enough to actually Google the question. (Oh no! I Googled! Now the government knows what I'm up to!) A poll popped up as a result and here it is:
"Why are women mean to each other?"
1. Because of low self esteem and feeling threatened?
2. Because they like to outshine the others.
3. Because they are shy and wounded
4. Because they just don't give a f*ck
I am not sure what the answer is, if there even IS one. The thing I DO know is that I have SEEN women be mean to each other. There is a photo from 1957 and it seems to sum up what happens when one women thinks another woman is "more attractive". Take a look for yourself: http://www.goodreads.com/photo/author...... Is Sophia Loren looking with... contempt? disdain perhaps?... at Jayne Mansfield's....ya know. You tell me what's on Sophia's mind. There are 2 other photos there. Have a look.
In Sophia's defense, it was supposed to be a dinner promoting her new movie and the production company Jayne worked for set up the publicity stunt to usurp some of Sophia Loren's thunder at the time.
I found an article about the topic too. "Are girls each others worst enemies? Is the "mean girls" phenomenon a media smokescreen?" by Melissa Beattie-Moss (Full article: http://www.rps.psu.edu/bullies/girls.... ) She interviewed Marnina Gonick PhD. and Carol Gilligan, who wrote a book in 1982, "In Another Voice", about girls being misunderstood and oppressed by society in America. (I sadly think that might be true world wide.) Gilligan's book changed things for girls and they eventually were doing better than boys in many school subjects. Basically Gilligan feared a backlash against girls and Gonick cited reasons that "girls being mean" was just a media smokescreen and that men should be the focus of mean behavior towards women.
I can't personally say that either woman is cut and dry, right or wrong. Too many variables all over the place really. But look at the photo at the link. Do you think Sophia wanted to throw a sweater on Jane? Or just "rip her **** off"? Is something like that considered women competing for the attention of men? The limelight? Gonick thought it was a "media smokescreen", so I looked further. Ever read one of these books?: "White Oleander" by Janet Fitch, "The Group" by Mary McCarthy, "Best friends" by Martha Moody, "The Robber Bride" and/or "Cat's Eye" by Margaret Atwood. Or have you seen either of these movies: "All About Eve" or "Dogville". These are some of the titles most often thematically tagged as "women being mean to each other". Books and movies are still considered "media", right? (TMZ didn't COMPLETELY take over yet, did it?) And how about that Margaret Atwood? She has a few of those "women being mean to each other" titles if you look. (Think there may be a therapy bill there somewhere that could rival the income of some small nations?) ;-)
When I Googled I also found the blog of a woman who works as an RN. She asked "Are we more mean to each other?" She then stated that she worked with a lot of women and, to her, "it seems as if we can't just leave each other alone and do our damn jobs and there are those who look to make other co-workers miserable. They usually won't let up until the victim quits, is fired, or breaks down emotionally." She also stated that "the men, nurses, security guards, etc. generally never bother with this crap". She continued by quoting a post by Helen Kay who works at a literary agency: "We don't see the male literary fiction writers demonizing their lad lit cohorts with shrill condemnations, much less books titled, This is not one of Dan Brown's books."
I still wondered why, and in search of answers, I returned to the source of ultimate modern "wisdom", Google. I found this question: "Why are girls mean to each other?" A lady named Iris answered: "I really wish I knew the answer as to why girls can be so difficult to one another. It really shows their own insecurity about the many changes going on in their own lives if they can not be good to others. No one feels very confident enough about themselves during their teen years and some people think that making others feel bad is a way to make themselves feel better. Of course, this never works. Fortunately, most girls do learn how important friendship is and adult women are usually very good to each other. You will have that good experience as you become an adult."
I gave Yahoo a shot:"Why are women so mean to each other?" Answer: "That's a good question. Women are very competitive creatures. If a woman is insecure and perceives another woman to have an advantage over her - whether it be looks, intelligence, personality, likeableness, education - she may feel threatened by that if she is insecure within herself." Another answer was "She will try to find some way to undermine her or knock her down a peg or two, in order to buoy her own self-esteem. Hence the meanness factor."
Maybe men let some stuff go because the stakes are potentially more physical? Women and men are biologically different obviously. Men go to war over things. They get physical and duel to the death. Women seem to basically just try to turn their peer networks against each other? Being outcast from the group appears to be the worst female-style punishment. Females band together to ostracize the women they feel threatened by, instead of physically going to war. Although THAT has been changing the past few years... again... THANKS "Jersey Shore"! I have no answer to WHY. Maybe I am wrong about all of this and I'm basing this question on the few incidents I've seen? Maybe you know someone like this? I would really like to know, because it baffles me to no end. I now return you to your life already in progress and I hope you have a fantastic day!
Fresh off of playing another series of live shows in several different states, I tend to contemplate things. How to make shows better, look for new songs, etc. Sometimes I revisit the actions of people I observed in my travels. Currently I am wondering: Why are women mean to each other? I don't mean that ALL women are mean to each other, but quite a few are. I see it a lot. Mainly I see it at night while I am on stage in bars/clubs or on a break, but I have seen it in stores, walking through the mall, on TV, or in movies as well. (Yes, I realize TV and movies are scripted that way, but the idea comes from SOMEwhere.) So, why? Being a man it made me curious enough to actually Google the question. (Oh no! I Googled! Now the government knows what I'm up to!) A poll popped up as a result and here it is:
"Why are women mean to each other?"
1. Because of low self esteem and feeling threatened?
2. Because they like to outshine the others.
3. Because they are shy and wounded
4. Because they just don't give a f*ck
I am not sure what the answer is, if there even IS one. The thing I DO know is that I have SEEN women be mean to each other. There is a photo from 1957 and it seems to sum up what happens when one women thinks another woman is "more attractive". Take a look for yourself: http://www.goodreads.com/photo/author...... Is Sophia Loren looking with... contempt? disdain perhaps?... at Jayne Mansfield's....ya know. You tell me what's on Sophia's mind. There are 2 other photos there. Have a look.
In Sophia's defense, it was supposed to be a dinner promoting her new movie and the production company Jayne worked for set up the publicity stunt to usurp some of Sophia Loren's thunder at the time.
I found an article about the topic too. "Are girls each others worst enemies? Is the "mean girls" phenomenon a media smokescreen?" by Melissa Beattie-Moss (Full article: http://www.rps.psu.edu/bullies/girls.... ) She interviewed Marnina Gonick PhD. and Carol Gilligan, who wrote a book in 1982, "In Another Voice", about girls being misunderstood and oppressed by society in America. (I sadly think that might be true world wide.) Gilligan's book changed things for girls and they eventually were doing better than boys in many school subjects. Basically Gilligan feared a backlash against girls and Gonick cited reasons that "girls being mean" was just a media smokescreen and that men should be the focus of mean behavior towards women.
I can't personally say that either woman is cut and dry, right or wrong. Too many variables all over the place really. But look at the photo at the link. Do you think Sophia wanted to throw a sweater on Jane? Or just "rip her **** off"? Is something like that considered women competing for the attention of men? The limelight? Gonick thought it was a "media smokescreen", so I looked further. Ever read one of these books?: "White Oleander" by Janet Fitch, "The Group" by Mary McCarthy, "Best friends" by Martha Moody, "The Robber Bride" and/or "Cat's Eye" by Margaret Atwood. Or have you seen either of these movies: "All About Eve" or "Dogville". These are some of the titles most often thematically tagged as "women being mean to each other". Books and movies are still considered "media", right? (TMZ didn't COMPLETELY take over yet, did it?) And how about that Margaret Atwood? She has a few of those "women being mean to each other" titles if you look. (Think there may be a therapy bill there somewhere that could rival the income of some small nations?) ;-)
When I Googled I also found the blog of a woman who works as an RN. She asked "Are we more mean to each other?" She then stated that she worked with a lot of women and, to her, "it seems as if we can't just leave each other alone and do our damn jobs and there are those who look to make other co-workers miserable. They usually won't let up until the victim quits, is fired, or breaks down emotionally." She also stated that "the men, nurses, security guards, etc. generally never bother with this crap". She continued by quoting a post by Helen Kay who works at a literary agency: "We don't see the male literary fiction writers demonizing their lad lit cohorts with shrill condemnations, much less books titled, This is not one of Dan Brown's books."
I still wondered why, and in search of answers, I returned to the source of ultimate modern "wisdom", Google. I found this question: "Why are girls mean to each other?" A lady named Iris answered: "I really wish I knew the answer as to why girls can be so difficult to one another. It really shows their own insecurity about the many changes going on in their own lives if they can not be good to others. No one feels very confident enough about themselves during their teen years and some people think that making others feel bad is a way to make themselves feel better. Of course, this never works. Fortunately, most girls do learn how important friendship is and adult women are usually very good to each other. You will have that good experience as you become an adult."
I gave Yahoo a shot:"Why are women so mean to each other?" Answer: "That's a good question. Women are very competitive creatures. If a woman is insecure and perceives another woman to have an advantage over her - whether it be looks, intelligence, personality, likeableness, education - she may feel threatened by that if she is insecure within herself." Another answer was "She will try to find some way to undermine her or knock her down a peg or two, in order to buoy her own self-esteem. Hence the meanness factor."
Maybe men let some stuff go because the stakes are potentially more physical? Women and men are biologically different obviously. Men go to war over things. They get physical and duel to the death. Women seem to basically just try to turn their peer networks against each other? Being outcast from the group appears to be the worst female-style punishment. Females band together to ostracize the women they feel threatened by, instead of physically going to war. Although THAT has been changing the past few years... again... THANKS "Jersey Shore"! I have no answer to WHY. Maybe I am wrong about all of this and I'm basing this question on the few incidents I've seen? Maybe you know someone like this? I would really like to know, because it baffles me to no end. I now return you to your life already in progress and I hope you have a fantastic day!
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Thanks for sharing Marta.I think that the teenage stuff sticks with MANY people. I see many people in life and on line who seem perpetually stuck in high school and either do not realize it or can not be bothered to change behavior and be a little more "adult" like. Taking accountability for one's own actions, etc.
I kind of feel bad for Sophia because the event WAS about her. I think honestly she may have been a bit annoyed by "this woman" coming to HER event and trying to outshine her. It would be like someone out doing the bride on her wedding day. But then again... I'm a man and do not understand all the ways of women.
I think people who ARE mean are mean so that they themselves can not be analyzed first and have their "fear" of being thought weak be discovered. I think if more people went around realizing that we ALL are having a tough time in one way or another, there would be FAR less "spot lighting" of any one individual's individuality.
I must totally agree with you. I seem to always try to see the world through the other persons eyes. Or just leave them be if they are into being mean.I don't analyze others and don't like them to do that to me. I do enough of it to myself LOL. I am a big believer in accountability for one's own actions.
Sophia well think about it if you were sitting next to Jane you might have to move a bit for fear that you might accidently bump where you weren't supposed to bump.
Don't feel like it has anything to do with being a man. I am a woman and don't understand this behavior at all.
Marta
All of that stuff is what helps/allows me to write the Open Mic books. I usually just pull something from someone's "poor" behavior and then make light of the situations. So I guess in a sense I need to thank them?Like you, I don't like being mean at all and if someone doesn't get it, I will make an effort to explain. If they REFUSE to hear it? I leave them be and say a small thanks that I am not them. ;-)
Ha! Possibly. I guess Jayne needed a way to make a splash seeing how Marilyn Monroe sort of had the top spot. I think all three of those ladies did what they did well, in terms of acting. People will think and say what they want about others and it limits things. You never really know who the person is when a preconceived notion is held about them. They all sort of were known for being sex symbols, but I thought their movies were good.
Thanks!
:-)
I think they were all very misunderstood as people. I especially loved Marilyn and Sophia. Jane I never really saw much of her stuff.I do feel sorry for anyone who has to get attention with making a part of themselves something it is not.
Don't know if you know Mick Jagger stuffed. LOL would step back from that too.
I have had too many people in my life judge me by preconceived notions. I don't like it and don't do it.
I am who I am. I write, read, listen to music and play with my horses.
I hope you are in my area sometime I will come listen.
I couldn't sleep and logged on to my computer at 3:00am and followed a path to this blog post. Must have been meant to be! Boy, do I have stories to tell you. I think you "hit the nail on the head" with your reasoning on why woman are mean. When a woman is good-hearted, intelligent, funny, and has a determination to succeed, there will always be those women who get jealous and try to knock them down in one way or another. It's a sad fact that it stems from insecurities from way back in childhood and it becomes norm for them to behave badly. If you want to hear stories - in box me and I'll give you my email...I have stories for you! I think your blog helped in a way because it solidified my reasoning and I know that walking away from it all is the best thing that a person can do sometimes.As for the Sophia and Jane picture...I think if a woman that looked like that was sitting next to me with a dress like that, I would be looking too! lol In those days it was very inappropriate to wear something that revealing, but I care to think Sophia's look may have been revealing her frustrations with herself that she just couldn't keep her eyes off of the peaches...lol
Suzycue wrote: "I couldn't sleep and logged on to my computer at 3:00am and followed a path to this blog post. Must have been meant to be! Boy, do I have stories to tell you. I think you "hit the nail on the he..."Suzycue I think you are correct about Sophia and Jane. I too have stories about women being mean to women and unfortunately it happens with sisters too.
I believe Sophia is probably a bit in awe actually the sight really is hard to miss.
But back to the question why are woman mean to each other. As a woman who has been both shy and sometimes insecure. I have never understood the reason for meanness. You will have to continue your search, I can't help. I have no idea, I have seen it and experienced it. Yet cannot explain the need for it.
Sorry
Marta