***Disclaimer- To date I have never gone political on this blog and very rarely dipped into controversy. But this post I am probably doing a bit of both. Here is why- Our son will graduate in about 6 months and try as I might I know I have failed him in many ways and there are still many people that have been a part of his life that have never truly understood a thing about him or autism. It is more than ignorance. Some folks just don't "want" to get it. Change is hard I guess. Tolerance...such a buzzword that many a person tosses around yet may be the ones guiltiest of impugning this mere concept.***

I have nineteen years experience and I am still learning and understanding what "autism" means. It changes and evolves and shows me something new every single day. This also may lend a little fog into the understanding of the general public... enabling all of us in the autism world with an extremely difficult predicament- trying to raise awareness through advocacy to a world that is more connected than ever, but has a gazillion things on their minds so why should one care about this or that if it doesn't affect me. Why should autism be important?

I think it is a pretty calamitous proposal- trying to educate the world on a condition that my son is blessed with. Why should people want or care to understand what makes him, him. Many, no, most days it feels like it's the proverbial one step forward... and at least two back. But in the end I know what matters is trying to make a difference in the little sliver of the world we inhabit... by example, prayer and care.

Sure, there are always the few that really do understand and "get" it. In a way it makes sense and I can judge, so I will, because I'm pretty sure I can fall into this same category (ignorance)... Let me explain- Breast cancer awareness, Downs-Syndrome, Parkinsons and on and on. The list is endless. Am I aware and educated and thoughtful to all those touched and affected by these diseases and conditions? I am to a degree, but how could I possible understand and be as empathetic like I could be? If it's not on your radar and is not a part of your daily routine, why should one engage more than need be?

Now, being on the autism ball-field for as long as we have I do have a modicum of understanding for any person or family touched by special circumstances, but to truly understand what another is going through I think it takes more. One needs to proactively learn and engage to understand. And this takes effort and in the end... heart.

Why does this all matter?

Autism is by all counts, an epidemic. From the CDC to many other prominent organizations this is pretty much a consensus. The schools will be engaged with many more autistic kids over the next decade. "Many" is not a very proper indicator really as the numbers of newly diagnosed are breathtaking. But not just autism- learning disabilities over the last decade have grown to gargantuan levels.

Are schools, or better yet, society et al ready for a crushing wave of people with a condition/syndrome/disease that so many people think they know a little bit about but in reality haven't the foggiest?  I don't know the answer to that so all I can do is make assumptions and form my own thoughts based on the experience both in my home with a nineteen year old autistic. I also form my opinions from experience in the outside world, at school, in public and socially.

Ok, you can judge me... that's alright... I am going to judge as well. I don't see it that way (a bad way), but my perception... my reality... it is quite real to me, my family and many other friends and loved ones, I think. If you have a hard time buying what I am presenting maybe then that says something in and of itself.

I will simply state a few things up front- Bullying is a problem bigger than we can imagine (it's not just kids in school- more on this later). Compassion and self-compassion amongst our youth is pitiful. We live in an ultra-ME generation. Ignorance may be bliss to some but it can me hurtful and dangerous. Adults, many times are the problem instead of the role models and solutions they should and could be.

I have two scenarios that have played out over the last year that I will share. These two will hopefully illuminate some of the variables regarding bullying and compassion as well as how ignorance and "ignoring" can be just as bad as overt aggression to anyone living with a special need.

A friend, not a real close one, but one on FaceBook posted a photo and comments. The picture was of a high school gymnasium that had a number of signs scattered around the gym announcing the need to be aware of "bullying". This friend went on to espouse the need for our youth to grow up and fight back instead of being bullied. He felt that bullying was for a bunch of weak kids that only needed to stand up and, as he said, "grow a pair".

I wrote to him, in private, on FaceBook. I shared with him how so many kids, like Austin, and many adults too, may have a limited ability to self-advocate and also, like Austin will try his darndest to please the bully- only to be like all the other kids. Heres the deal- Austin doesn't want special treatment. He just wants to be like every other kid. The reality- he needs and deserves accommodative treatment and some in certain circumstances, student and adult alike, sometimes seem to have an issue with this.

I've seen it all happen to our son and my family over the last decade. It is sad, but still a fact. So how did the FaceBook friend react? I should first say that this person is a highly educated individual that also happens to be an ex-fighter pilot in the armed services.  Drum-roll.......... He un-friended me.

I am actually shaking as I write this. I have waited nearly a year as I haven't wanted to ruffle feathers or upset anyone who likes reading my posts. But I should recognize by the many people that do reach out to me that in some small way some of the stories I write mean something to some people. So I felt it was time. And if it pains you to read this, as it does me, think about why that might be...?

I will close with a scenario that is more recent. I tried as best to gather the facts as did Teresa and Logan and a few other high school buddies of the boys. All the while Austin only wanted it to all be better, nobody get in trouble... Yet he still didn't comprehend what HE did wrong. Austin felt that HE was bad.

To cut to the chase- Austin wore a T-shirt to school and was asked to remove it because some folks thought it was inappropriate. What was it? It was a Sponge Bob shirt that had Patrick (the cartoon character starfish), dressed in swim trunks on the beach with a caption of "half-baked". He had a tremendous sunburn. He had worn it before so no big deal I thought. He wears it because he LOVES Sponge Bob and especially Patrick.





I learned of all of this later that night and then over the weekend when several students called to share their feelings on what had happened.

Apparently a few students, one in particular started laughing at Austin's shirt. Giggling and carrying on and then a few more joined in. He couldn't understand what was so funny. After some more "What is so funny's" from Austin the person finally told him... "You know what your shirt means don't you?" This right there tells me the person really had no clue that he did know what "she" thought it meant. To Austin it was a super-cool and fun shirt from a silly cartoon.

The person then went on to tell him that he was wearing a shirt that meant to- Get High or Stoned or whatever. Austin was totally unaware of how this could be. This person then went on about their day as if nothing had happened. But it wasn't over for Austin. Obviously a few staff members agreed that the Sponge Bob T-shirt was just too offensive for school and he had to remove it and put something else on.

I am a little steamed about right now, actually shaking. Right, Austin just loves wearing a Lets Get High T-shirt whenever he can. People know us. We would never allow either of our sons to even think about wearing a shirt that was indeed offensive or disrespectful and promoting something illicit. And why did he get in the hot seat? What about the agitator?

So Austin ended up fretting over this throughout the day and as the day grew longer so did his demeanor. By the time I got home that day he was distraught. I thought it was a joke. What's next? Ban any shirt that says- Lets Get High On Life?  And how many terms are there for getting high or drunk? About a bazillion. Did I think that's what this shirt stood for? No. All one need do is to watch the show.

Why did this person decide to rain on my son's parade. And apparently this is not the first time this had happened. Some people like to see how much they can goad and even provoke someone they know they can get a rise out of. I don't get it, but I do.

I think back to when Austin was in middle-school. He got into a tete a tete with one of his teachers over a comment he made. The teacher had asked what each student wanted to make that semester for a main dish. (It was a home-ec type class). As many of you know Austin wants to be a chef and the first chef he ever fell in love with was Emeril- Bam! He responded with, "I want to make pasta with vodka sauce, just like Emeril." Actually one of my favorite dishes. You can actually now get "Vodka" sauce, by Emeril in your local grocery store.

On the spot he was reprimanded for saying "vodka". She said he couldn't say it and he said he could. It apparently went back and forth like a ping-pong ball. Why? He saw nothing at all wrong with what he said. He answered her question. Period. End of story. And the teacher hadn't a clue as to how to work with and talk to him. She treated him like she thought any "other" kid should be treated... no regard for any accommodative consideration. Because she hadn't a clue about what it meant that my son was autistic.

Teresa found Austin later that day writing on paper, 100 times, "I will not talk about alcoholic drinks in class".  For real! As has happened so often, why can't the adult do all they can do to get into "who" Austin is and what they can do to learn more about him and other students like him. They are his mentors and educators and role-models. Act like it! The adults... the one thing I never saw coming. The ones we have had at times the most difficulty with in working with our son.

Oddly enough, a week later, in that same class, they had a rootBEER party for a fellow classmate to celebrate their birthday.

This is why we have made abundantly clear to have a para (special ed assistant), with Austin at most all functions, activities and outings. We just never know when something will happen and the person in place may only know what they know... and while the para could be there to advocate for him and they were not... what a mess it could be.

Autism is a funny and fascinating and perplexing thing to me. And I live with it. Do you understand what autism is? Here it goes... I am going to judge... You don't. I wish you would try to understand who and why and what our son is. Just try.

Students, adults, teachers... we all can learn more. My son is different. But he is whole and he is a blessing and he was made the way he is... in Gods own eye.

Please, if you have ten minutes... watch this TED talk... It may make you think a little.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZpNZJN...