A Cold Beer In Hell© Harris Tobias 2013
There’s a story they tell in KillkennyA story I think you should hearIt involves a local fellow named MurphyA wager, a contest, and beer
One day down at Paddy’s a stranger came inOld Murphy was already thereMurph said hello to the strangerAnd offered to buy him a beer
You know who I am asked the strangerI’m the devil and I’ve come here for youDrink up because where you’re goingThere ain’t gonna be any brew
Now if there’s one thing we know about Murphy,Was that the man lived to drink beerAnd he’d taken the devil’s full measureAnd knew he had nothing to fear
Old Murphy turned to the devilHe said I bet I could drink more than youThe devil said son, you’ve picked the wrong manI’m the fella that invented the brew
But Murphy just laughed and ordered a draftAnd agreed that that probably was soI suppose when I’m dead old Murphy saidThere’s no drinking where I’m gonna go
That’s true said the devil there isn’t no beerNot where you’re gonna goWe ain’t got no pubs just demons and grubsIt’s all fire and pain down below
No one had ever seen MurphyWithout a mug in his fistIf there was only one thing that he lived forDrinking was top of the list
Tell you what said Murph to the devilAs he hoisted a beer to his lipsLet us keep score and whoever drinks moreHas to grant the winner one wish
It’s a deal said the devil and held out his clawPour a pint for me and my matePaddy pulled on the leverThen chalked a one on his slate
Now Murphy was known in the villageAs a man who enjoyed drinking beerAnd if somebody else was abuyin’You can bet that old Murphy was there
A few hours later the tavern was packedEvery man woman and child in townMurph and the devil were tied neck and neckEach man was tossing them down
By evening it looked like Murphy was whippedPaddy had chalked forty fiveMurphy’s hand shook as he picked up his glassNo one thought that Murph would survive
When the folk began cheering and calling his nameOld Murphy seemed to reviveHe tossed down the next two pints in a rowNow the devil had fear in his eyes
The devil hung on for couple a more roundsThen he starting to wobble and swayThen he slipped from his stool and looked like a foolOld Murphy had carried the day
Great jubilation, people danced in the streetOld Murphy had done them all proudThe devil was faced with discrace and defeatEveryone cheered long and loud
Well, said the devil, you won fair and squareAnd I guess I owe you a wishSo what’ll it be money or fameThat’s usually top of the list
Old Murphy just laughed and shook his grey headAnd said this’ll probably sound queerBut the one thing I wish for the one thing I wantIs for hell to begin serving beer
So listen to me all you sinnersIn a world filled with liars and cranksIn hell when they hand you a cold one
It’s Murph who deserves all the thanks