Dear eema, 

It's here. June 15th. The one year mark. I feel like I've been anxiously waiting for this day to arrive. I'm not sure why. Maybe just so I could face it. Or maybe just so it could pass. The missing does feel more intense this week. The nice people over at the hospice place must have known that. They sent another letter. 


We used to talk about your death often. We're a family that always talked about the inevitable. I'm glad for that. I don't know that it prepared me but it does make me feel that everything that ever needed to be said, had been said. You knew that you were adored and I knew that I was. Who can ask for more than that?

I wrote this Huffington Post article for you. 

I don't know if I'll be back to this blog. It might just live here forever on the internet as a memory of my first year without you. Maybe other people going through loss will find it comforting. Maybe I will read it again in the future and I will find it comforting. I do know that it helped me to write it. 


You used to say that you sometimes felt that I was your mother. Maybe we'll try that next time. 
Until we meet again. 
I love you to the moon and back, eemilah sheelie. 
Thank you. 
Thank you. 
Thank you.
love, 
annie