Bees

Lionel dressed immaculately. It took him up to 3 hours each morning to bathe and don his clothes. By the time he walked out of his front door he had no time for school. All he had time for was a quick pose up and down the high street, before heading off to the fashion houses to see what was new.

Out of all the clothes Lionel owned, his pride and joy was his coat made from the skin of baby foxes. No-one he knew had one. Everyone he knew wanted one. He didn’t know very nice people.

When the stupid animal rights groups began to get their way Lionel was devastated. Almost overnight it became impossible to wear his coat.

Then one day Lionel had a brilliant idea.  That night he snuck into his neighbour’s garden and gassed all their bees.

Night after night he went about the area, sneaking up to beehives and sticking in his hosepipe, then pumping the gas.

After a week he had gathered enough. Showing his plans to the owner of an illegal coat factory that employed immigrant children, a deal was struck.

Each of the bees was stripped of their fur and the little bodies tossed aside. Then the skins were sewn together, eventually making a magnificent full length coat.

When Lionel saw it he was absolutely ecstatic.

There was no society for the prevention of cruelty to insects.

Lionel could wear his coat with pride.

Each morning he would step out of his house, with his nose in the air, and promenade down the street in his beautiful coat of bees.

One day when he was out showing off he noticed a tiny black cloud in the sky.

“I must get home before it rains and the water ruins my coat,” he said.

As he walked briskly homeward it seemed that the cloud was following him. In fact not only did it appear to be following him, but it seemed to be bigger, too.

And giving off an angry buzzing sound.

Too late did Lionel realise that it was not a cloud at all, but rather the biggest swarm of bees that had ever been seen.

It swooped down on Lionel just as he passed the illegal clothes factory. The owner, seeing his best customer being attacked rushed out to help.

When the swarm finally lifted, the two still bodies had been stung so much they resembled massive red bumpy beach balls.