Sorry, its not the autobiographical secret you are probably hoping for.

I wrote a lot of short stories when I was young. I don’t believe any of them were particularly good, though there are a few that aren’t terrible. I may toss them out there for free or in a collection volume some day. Though I tried several times to create a novel I repeatedly failed. Neither my stories nor my drive to write were durable enough to go the distance required.

It was quite a shock when I sat down and began writing what would become Portal To Elysium several years ago. The story was based on a fragment of a dream I had about a gateway to the afterlife. It is important to understand I was never interested in fantasy or supernatural type stories, so for me to write a full-length book version of one is remarkable in itself. The story premise had been rolling around in my head for years but it took the creation of Annie Marconi to really bring it to life. She didn’t have a name for a long time. ‘Annie’ just came to me one day and seemed to fit, so I went with it. For the purposes of the story she had to be more than just a supporting character; Annie had to be the vehicle that drove the story and delivered both the reader and Chris to the Great Moment. Originally I imagined Annie as just a girl who Chris met and guided him with no romantic undercurrents.

Annie had other ideas.

As I began developing Annie I would invent conversations between her and Chris. Their dialog is a key part of the book and the portions I most enjoyed writing. Much of their banter was created while I drove endless miles for my job. Instead of listening to the radio I would listen to Annie chastise Chris or Chris challenge Annie. I understood Chris pretty well (he has some autobiographical aspects of Yours Truly) but I had to get to know Annie. The more I worked with her the more I adored her; she was very smart, clever, funny and a hopeless romantic. It is both fascinating and befuddling that my next creation, Brianna Fordham, is so much a polar opposite (though I hold deep affection for her too). I think I developed a bit of a crush on sweet, imaginary Annie. I felt genuinely guilty when I made Chris drive her to the confession about Kyle and her tears.

I don’t think I’m alone in feeling that as a writer the characters we create are sort-of our children. We worry and fret over them, cheer for them, cry for them and generally develop a romantic connection with them. Annie isn’t real, but she felt real while I worked with her and I did fall in love with her in a way. In real life I’d never recommend getting involved with a woman so obviously damaged and confused and like to think I’d avoid her like the plague. From the safe distance as an author though it is an oddly romantic relationship. There is only one way her story could end (no spoiler, but if you read it you’ll know what I mean). My act of ‘love’ was to give her the best thing that I could. I close that book with a great feeling of satisfaction as well as accomplishment. Thanks to Annie I was able to continue on with Brianna and other yet-to-be-created characters.

(an unknown model who is eerily similar to the Annie Marconi in my head)