I'm not gonna lie, I'm really pumped about SxSW this year, mostly because of the crazy kilt thing (http://5kilts.com) and all the parties. However, part of me finds the SxSW spotlight a little unnerving, not to mention the thought of being in that crush of people. 15,000+ nerds converging on Austin is pretty friggin' awesome. This is my eighth go-around at the festival, and I can remember a time when everyone was saying that "the Web is dead, man!"

In any case, you don't care about my old-man ramblings about kids these days. What you want to know is how to squeeze out all the goodness of the SxSW Interactive festival, and then rub it all over yourself and then run naked and howling through the....wait, no, we're not going to do that, so I'll move along.

First things first, I'll use SxSW and SxSWi interchangeably. I've never attended the music or movie portions of the festival, so to me, SxSW is interactive. Second, I know that a certain percentage of you will not try what I'm suggesting below, because you gotta be all OCD about SxSW panels and stuff. Relax, have fun, let the madness wash over you, breathe.

So here's my suggestion for actually having a good time at SxSW:

1) Who do you want to meet this year? It could be a group of specific individuals, or you might want to connect with "Twitter API developers." Whatever, figure out where those people are going to be and show up. Brush your teeth, wear your underwear on the inside (unless you're in some kind of superhero getup) and say HI! Connect, converse, all that stuff, maybe buy a few rounds. And yes, do have that 30 second pitch ready that describes who you are, but be cool about it, this is Austin, not some ate-up venture capital hyper-capitalist hellhole. Think flip-flops and margaritas.

2) What is the single can't-miss panel running each day? There's lots going on, but I bet there's one thing you absolutely have to see each day. Concentrate on that one event, and make sure you hit it. Anything else is just gravy. If you can get into 4-5 kick-ass panels during the entire festival, panels that you actually get something from, then you're way ahead of everyone else. Leave the rest to serendipity, because honestly you'll be on your way to some thing and you'll see 20 friends Tweeting about going to this other guy you've never heard of but you get a feeling it's going to rock your world....so go already.

3) What is the single can't miss after-hours event each day? SxSW veterans know what the newbs don't -- about 90% of the value you'll get from SxSWi is in the parties and the hallway conversations. I won't say it isn't worth it buying a badge, but it is TRUE that those who go badgeless also get one hell of a show.

4) Leave room for chance, play it loose, etc and blah blah. You'll be walking down a hallway and run into an old friend and suddenly you're with eight other people at a sports bar having a good time talking about Python, or maybe the Client From Hell, or what happened to Dean when he went to Holland last summer. Don't fret about missing that panel on the ABCs of Social Twittarz, this is actually just as good, if not better. I once pitched a book idea during a sit-down at a bar during SxSW, for what it's worth. 

5) If you are having fun, dammit, don't keep it to yourself, share the moments on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, your blog, whatever. SxSWi isn't just about panels, it's about the people. Oh, and the drinking. Ooof, my liver. Anyway, I'm proud to call a lot of you degenerates my friends and colleagues, so I like to keep tabs on the fun.  

6) Don't be a fucking douche. There isn't a single bar/restaurant owner in town who gives a crap about your 30,000 followers or your daily page views on your fucking Tumblr, okay? If the place is crammed with people, you're not getting in until someone leaves, so stand in line with all the other little people. Also, Austinites aren't easily impressed by your quasi-celebrity. If I don't recognize you on sight, then you're not a celebrity, so don't pull that "don't you know who I am" bullshit. If you're my friend/colleague and you do that, I'll kick you in the balls, and so will four other kilted guys.

7) And yeah, try to not get arrested. You know who you are.

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