SCENE: Clinton Campaign War Room many moons ago.
BILL: Find any good sleaze on the Donald this week?OPPO #1: Lots of hugs and loose language, Boss, but, sorry, no bombshells. OPPO #2: The problem is, he’s been in showbiz where everybody does and says sleazy stuff. Just like all your Hollywood friends.OPPO #1: Don’t worry, Boss. There’s still time. It might happen yet.BILL: I guess we can always hope. (PAUSE) Still, wouldn’t it be great if, right down close to the wire, a whole bunch of bimbos, I mean, you know, victim-type ladies, came out of the woodwork with all kinda juicy details? (GUFFAWS) I mean, wouldn’t that be great?OPPO #1: Yeah, that’d be great, Boss! Really great!OPPO #2: Trouble is, Boss, the Donald’s been out there thirty years, running beauty contests and stuff, and it hasn’t happened yet. I mean, even the New York Timescouldn’t—OPPO #3: Hey, wait, everybody! I just got a crazy idea! Instead of just waiting around and HOPING, maybe we could, like, you know, MAKE it happen!OPPO #1: Make it happen? How could we do that?OPPO #3: Think about it. We got millions in our slush fund. We got our Oppo Army ready to roll and trained to kill. And—don’t forget—we got the MEDIA on our side! Every damn one of 'em except, you know, Rush and Sean and Drudge.OPPO #2: You know, she’s right! BILL: Are you kids sayin’ what I think you’re sayin’? That we PAY ladies to come out of the woodwork at just the right moment, like around debate time? That if cash money doesn’t do the trick, we maybe twist their ARMS just a wee bit, if you get my drift? And that we secretly coordinate everything with all our, you know, wink-wink, FRIENDS in the media, so it’s like a real bimbo eruption, a whole TSUNAMI of sleaze that just rolls on right up till E-LECTION day?OPPO #3: That’s exactly what we’re sayin’, Boss! I mean, we’re the Clintons! We can do ANYTHING! And we HAVE!OPPO #2: And the media are chompin’ at the bit, Boss. It’s like George Stephanopoulos always says, “Once a Clinton, always a Clinton.”BILL: Well, then, let’s give ‘em some real red meat—but at just the right time, hear? Okay, gang, you all got your marchin’ orders! Drag them dollars through the trailer parks, coast to coast and wall to wall!Just then Hillary breaks out in a coughing fit.BILL: Wait a minute, everybody. Is there sumpin’ you’re tryin’ to say, honey lamb?HILLARY: Yes. (COUGHING AND WHEEZING) Sorry… but… but we can’t do any of that stuff.BILL: Why on earth not, honey lamb?HILLARY: It would be………… unethical.OPPO #1: Damn, she’s right, of course. Too bad. If only—HILLARY (CACKLING): I was only KIDDING!

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