A few weeks ago, after two exhausting hours of basketball, a few of my buddies and I sat down  and engaged in some boy’s “locker room” talk.



I hadn’t considered what that meant before the latest media microscope on what we ‘men’ talk about after knocking heads in whatever the sport du jour. “C”, who is a policeman, told us about a run-in he had with a man at a convenience store. "I was scared to death because this guy walked up on me and I had left my gun in the car. It was sitting on the seat next to my bulletproof vest. ”The man, who caught him off-guard, was a well-known gang member. C just knew this was not going to end well. But, at that moment, the owner of the convenient store came out and shouted that he was going to call 9-1-1, tell the operator his name and that he was assaulting a policeman. That tilted the odds in C’s favor. All the times he responded to shop owners' pleas for help paid off. As a black man, C faces the challenges of balancing race, community relations and the job duties. Right ruled out over race this time and C lived to patrol another day.

This is locker room talk.

His story did stir a conversation on race in America, police and Black Lives Matter movement. My eldest son is part of the riot squad for the Seattle police department. I think and worry about him every day. Being one of the most gentle and loving people you will ever meet, I always marveled at his career choice. He loves his job. He loves being of service. It breaks his heart every time he is asked to hold the line while protesters scream insults at him, scream about his hatred of blacks and that all police are corrupt.

More locker room talk.

My other basketball buddy, Antonio, shared his son’s success in the music industry signing a music contract with one of the labels back east. He beamed with pride over the bright future his talented son would have. We all chimed in recalling the antics of our sons growing up proudly knowing that we had pretty damn good boys. And you know what we didn’t talk about in our locker room? We didn’t talk about forcing ourselves on women, groping and kissing them when we weren’t invited to.  We didn’t brag about sexual conquest or even what we thought about some of the woman playing with their children on the playground near the courts where we play ball.

In writing fiction, I can come up with some fairly memorable, flawed characters. I like to build in redeemable qualities even if they have some rough edges, Hell, Percy Powers, the womanizing main character in my novel Those Crazy Notions of Otherwise Intelligent People isn't even that kind of guy. It took him months of chasing after the woman of his dreams before he got the courage to put his hands up her dress.  But in this case she encouraged it. In the case of our presidential nominee, he assumed it. Power equals doing what you what, when you want in his world. It is the very thing Ilena, Percy’s love interest, rallies against in helping abused and battered women regain their footing over those men that engage in that kind of locker room talk.

It has to stop.

And it starts with men modeling respect for women for their sons. The ordinary, respectable men I know, and have known my entire life, do not speak or act like this. So why would we elect a President that jokes about doing such demeaning things to a woman and actually commit the assault?

Those Crazy Notions of Otherwise Intelligent People