Scottsdale is usually known for luxurious golf resorts, Botox Babes, and perfect weather—nine months out of the year. The summers are hot and the city is often a ghost town between June and September. Scottsdalians often complain of the heat as if they don't know that they live in a desert and act surprised when the weatherman says it's going to be triple digits.

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Lately we have been experiencing more than the occasional monsoon. My mother is at my house for a couple of days while they fix the air conditioning at Friendly Arms which means my house is at a standstill of 65 degrees. She lectures me on my outfit.

"Jean, since when do you wear heels with shorts?"

"Mom, these aren't shorts. They're capris."

"That's your excuse?"

I'm searching for my purse to go out to dinner at Roka Akor with April. She's taking me out because her husband is out of town on a golfing trip. She picked that restaurant because she eats small portions and bites slowly in order not to mess her lipstick.

I check the living room for my purse to find Maury napping in his chair, TV left on, and the remote clutched in his hand. To my surprise it wasn't the Golf Channel but the 6:00 news. My favorite news anchors in matching outfits and deep tans announce,

"A giant dust storm, known as a haboob, is rollling into the East Valley. Residents are advised to stay indoors. The massive dust cloud recorded with 50 mph winds and as tall as 8,000 feet is heading for Scottsdale."

"That's right, folks. If you don't want to be covered in dirt, wrap yourself in a plastic bag."

What? "Maury, wake up! The haboob is coming!"

The doorbell rings and I rush to answer it. April doesn't look like April. The gorgeous woman in designer clothes looks like she's been in a dirt hurricane. Wild, tangled hair, a schmutzy face, dirty clothes and muddy feet are not recognizable.

"April! What happened?"

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"Jean, I don't know. I was shopping at the Borgata and out of nowhere the wind starts to pick up. Blew my dress up for everyone to see. I was mortified so I ran to my car then I broke my heel. These were my favorite pair of Manolo Blahniks!" She is sobbing.

Oh, dear. I give April a hug to comfort her. "Why are you all wet?"

"It gets worse. On my way over I ran out of gas. Steve always fills up my car for me. As I was filling up the tank it rained long enough for me to get drenched. It's awful out there, Jean. It's dusty, windy and muggy from the rain. I can't let anyone see me like this!"

"It's okay. Go clean up. I'll get the wine." I guess I now know what a haboob is.

I hear my mother shouting from the living room. "Jean, why are they telling people to stay indoors because of women's breasts?" Maybe I should grab the big glasses for the wine.

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