I'm a little worried one of my main characters is in danger of becoming a Mary Sue. I’ve written her as smart, tough and for every dangerous situation she gets into, she gets the upper hand. And while that’s very empowering as a woman to write, I’m not sure I’ve given her the necessary background/gravity that would justify it. Or saddled her with the realistic emotional baggage that would result from those actions and decisions.

It wasn’t intentional. As a reader, I love unlikeable female characters. They’re usually shoehorned into the role of villain, someone for the sweet (and almost always virginal) protagonist to triumph over. (Seriously, my kingdom for the end of the “Mean Girl” era. Gratuitous girl-hate is one of my all-time pet peeves.) The emergence of the anti-heroine is an exciting development. Katniss, with her surly, stubborn personality that still managed to inspire a nation. Krysten Ritter’s Jessica Jones, who is arguably the biggest asshole (albeit quite understandably) to done the superhero garb. I love characters who are stubborn. Characters who hold a grudge or make mistakes that have real, sometimes tragic, consequences. We’ve all done things that don’t sit well with us. Actions we regret. Words we wish we could take back. In short, I want characters who are held accountable for their actions.

So why are Mary Sues still a thing? As much as readers complain about them, they’re still around. Bella Swan, Sookie Stackhouse, Stephanie Plum. (She blows up a car in every single book, but people keep lending her their vehicles? I accidentally backed into a mailbox once eight years ago and my family still brings it up.) The truth is, there is still a certain appeal to them. As much as I like to read about flawed characters, I won’t lie: I read the entire Twilight series. And eight of the Plum series. Mary Sues still have a certain charm to them.

I mean, think about it; who wouldn’t want to move to a new town and instantly be swarmed by classmates gagging to be your friend? Who wouldn’t want to attract the notice of the hottest guy/vampire with absolutely no effort? (Or, in the case of Bella and Edward, no discernible shared interests. Seriously, what did they talk about??) It would be great to explode car after car with no ramifications or insurance hikes.

As a writer, it’s easy to fall into the trap. We love our characters. They’re real to us and while we make jokes about trapping them up trees and throwing rocks at them, putting them through emotional Hell is still difficult. Mainly, because we have to tap into something deeply personal to get those scenes on paper. So maybe the existence of the Mary Sue is merely writers trying to spare their characters pain. But when I think back on every difficult, painful time in my life (and believe me; as a former military spouse, I’ve had my share), I can see how it helped me grow and evolve into who I am now. I’m not necessarily a better person having gone through those times, but I’m definitely stronger after them.

And I think the same needs to be said about the characters I write. It’s not fair to deny them that growth. One of the main reasons I lose interest in series is the lack of character development. Good people do bad things. I need to be willing to explore that. I need to be willing to reconsider my definitions of “good” and “bad.”

More importantly, I guess I have some re-writes to do.