In last week’s post we discussed why the ego is the single most important factor that limits how far you can go, how much you can achieve.

We talked about how most people don’t really listen to anyone other than themselves, but that if you do start listening then a wider reality will reveal itself to you.

This is also when your success barriers will start to evaporate.

Chances are that my claims seem exaggerated; after all, we do kind of listen to others already.

Don’t we?

My contention is that we don’t. Not really. Most of us are non-listeners.

Non-listening comes in various categories:

The first category of non-listening is the most obvious: it is the person who will only allow subjects of conversation that he or she approves of. These are usually topics that are directly or indirectly about him or how he wishes to see himself. If you try to change the subject or interrupt his stream of words, he simply raises his voice and talks over you. Let’s call this person the Conversational Dictator.

The second category is the one that probably most of us belong to: this is the person who politely stays quiet while their conversation partner is talking; however they’re really only pretending to listen. What they are really doing is thinking of what to say when it’s their turn. We will call this person the Serial Monologist.

The third category of non-listening is a bit more advanced: this person actually hears what is being said a lot of the time. It takes something to get to this stage. However, the person often finds fault with what the other person is saying, whether they keep this fault-finding to themselves or declare it openly and frankly. The trouble is that they judge what the other person is saying based upon their own standards and conception of reality. So let’s call this person the Judge. These people often feel that they are the only ones who listen. They wish that others would be more like them, because then finally other people would understand, and it would be possible to have a real conversation. However, like everyone else, they have a strong inner need to be understood, and that is the deeper reason why they want others to be like them. They may not talk as much as other people, because they have realised – at least to a certain extent – that no one is listening anyway.

So what does it take to actually listen? That’s for the next post. But here’s a hint:

It’s painful.