So, I own this shirt:

And I was wearing it the other day when I went outside to…

Wait, WTF was I doing outside? Rarely happens. Anyway, must’ve been a compelling reason, like an Amazon box gone astray. And I saw one of my neighbors while wearing my shirt.

Neighbor: Do you wear that T-shirt around your son?

Me: Yes. He’s having trouble sounding out assassin.

Neighbor: *frowns* Do you think that sends the right message?

Me: It’s fine. It’s not like he knows I have them.

Neighbor: *blinks*

Me: Have a great day!

Zoo: We’re definitely not getting invited to the mid-winter party.

Me: That’s just another perk!