“Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies-"God damn it, you've got to be kind.” 

My ideal man, since you’re asking, would be a combination of Neil Gaiman and Kurt Vonnegut in the body of Michel Huisman.  Of course, my husband already comes very close to this. Certainly on the beard front anyway.

But Kurt Vonnegut.....