Boo.
I tried to watch the second Conjuring film, I really did. I've never seen the first, but was tempted by the Enfield Poltergeist link, it being a thing I'd read up on in the past.
I lasted about forty minutes, I think. It had to switch it off because it was irritating me too much.
Was it scary? Yes, it was. Did it make me jump? Yes, it did. Was it any good? No, it was not.
The reason I disliked is so much is that it suffers from an overused trope that seems to be dominating modern horror.
The jump scare.
You know the one – they're pretty much alike, all variations on a theme.
The music is building up to a crescendo as our hero (or more likely, heroine) slowly places his or hand against the old wooden door. She/He slowly pushes the door open and – there's nothing there. Music goes quiet. Audience relaxes….
Loud screeching noise and something suddenly appearing on camera. Audience shriek and throw several hundred-quid's worth of popcorn into the air (that's approximately four bags worth) and the film carries on. Audience laugh at themselves, breathe a sigh of relief and prepare themselves for the next one.
The second Conjuring film seems to be nothing but that. That, to me, is not enjoyable.
Oh, the jump scare is far from a new thing. An American Werewolf in London has one in the dream-within-a-sequence when one of the Nazis in animal masks stab Nurse Price. The criminally underrated Exorcist III has an absolute blinder of a jump scare, which – if you've seen it – you'll know exactly which scene I mean because you're probably still having nightmares about it now! Even Jaws has one where a rotted head floats into view in the sunken ship.
The jump scare is an effective tool in the horror film-maker's arsenal, when used sparingly and effectively. Alien, Aliens, [REC], The Descent – all great films which all feature a jump scare or two.
The big problem I have is that it seems modern horror is going down the route of having nothing but jump scares.
"You can't tell me that they don't scare you", I hear you ask.
Of course they scare me. If you came around for a cup of tea at mine and in the middle of our conversation (which, as I'm English, would probably be about existing or forthcoming weather) and I suddenly lunged towards you screaming, you'd be scared too. But if you spill your tea, you're cleaning it up yourself.
My problem is that it's a lazy scare. It's the simplest kind of scare tactic there is. There's no elegance to it, no sophistication.
And I want more than that from my horror. I don’t mind you throwing in the odd jump scare if there's something to back it up. Characters I care about, a general feeling of dread, a carefully built up and maintained atmosphere. Some meat.
But what we get are countless Paranormal Extra-Curricular Activities, numerous Insidiouseseseses (that's a hard word to know when to stop) and more Conjuring than a term at Hogwarts. The occasional movie comes along that tries to buck the trend – The Babadook, It Follows, The Witch – but they tend to do poorly at the box-office in comparison to their jump scare counterparts, and that's a criminal shame.
Until the horror films we get all gradually blur into one, all nothing more than carnival attractions. Nebulous ghost trains that are more about the scare than the story. And audiences are lapping it up.
Rant over.
(David clicks the 'save' icon and slowly closes the laptop lid, sighing noisily to himself. He stands up, straightening his jumper. He suddenly turns, as though he's seen something out of the corner of his eye. There's a scraping noise coming from outside the room, from the landing. An eyebrow raised in concern, he slowly steps towards the door. As he turns the handle, the scraping suddenly stops. The handle is turned and the door is slowly pulled open revealing darkness. Unwilling to step out of the safety of the light, David cranes his head around to look for the source of the noise. It's his cat, Twist, who suddenly runs down the stairs. David chuckles to himself, embarrassed by his foolishness. He takes a step backwards.
..wait for it..
..wait for it..
..wait for it..
There's a horrible monster suddenly standing behind him.)
Nah, doesn't work with the written word. Shame. I could make a fortune.
Published on February 21, 2017 13:27
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