That only one way feeling, without him to give it back on the other end. He could never comprehend what boils in my veins, what is screamed by my mind, what makes my heart churn when he opens my door.

I don’t allow myself to daydream into the black hole of what could be us, because that would only suck me in, much further, into total perdition.

He will never know how low I sink into when his chivalry is more than I can take, how it feels me with joy, and all the same it makes me want to cry. It makes me feel the vile in my stomach, twisting and turning in nerves.

There are times when I want to explode, but my fear trumps my desire, and I have to bite my tongue, will always have to, because for me, love is a curse.