It is way past time for men to gather together and speak openly about that most taboo of subjects – our emotions and how we deal with them along with our opinions about having them. Most of us think that “real men” are able to just “get over it,” so to speak. Meantime, nothing could be further from the truth. We don’t know how to and the only emotion we seem to connect with is anger.

If we grew up with a father with issues of his own, we often found ourselves, at best, in the presence of impacted, distracted, diminished, emotionally stunted bizzaro imitations of mature healthy men – who were often themselves subjected to these same ways of being when they were growing up.

Men like this impact their daughters by modeling this invented, imagined caricature of what “manliness” is all about. It costs relationships and influences the way mothers raise sons. Suffice it to say that men and women who were not raised by and around men who modeled qualities like integrity, honor, compassion, sacrifice, humility and

humor unless they are aware of it ,unconsciously imitate the role models they were either connected to in real time -or through pop culture.

I am that man… my father was verbally abused by his father. As a result, sarcasm and diminishing those he disagreed with also became my ways of being. I was taught to hate groups, rich people and anyone who believed in God. My writing was described as stupid – and any dream I ever shared with him it was immediately dismissed as being impossible.

It was only after I did the Sterling Men’s Weekend in 2003 and @Legacy Discovery in 2006 that I began to recognize the patterns I had been repeating. I was mentored,

supported, confronted, loved and listened to by men. I began to relate to men from a place of connection and contribution, not confrontation. The world needs men to create our new normal- not the one based on TV shows, circumstances and scenarios, one that actually reflects and celebrates love, communication, a willingness to do the work to heal and the willingness to be supported by other men.

And so it is.

@CoachMeDave