Ticket to Heaven

To Benjamin
Because your heart is pure and you’re age innocent. Thank you for being my muse those days when it was just the two of us. Thank you, for believing in this.

CHAPTER ONE

WHEN I ENTER church Sunday morning with mom it’s cold inside. My eyes fall on the nearly empty seats in the back row, next to a girl that reminds me of an angel. Not that I’ve ever seen an angel, but mom always tells me angels are divine lights just like God. She doesn't speak much about angels and God anymore. Not since dad left us a while ago – or perhaps we left him.

The girl turns around and smiles. She beacons for me to take a seat next to her, but mom decides to sit at the back, where it’s empty. She’s hiding underneath her large hat and covering her swollen eyes behind her sunglasses. She’s been crying most nights. I know because her sobbing keeps me awake. I think she’s upset that dad is no longer with us. She misses him, and still keeps a picture of the three of us in her wallet, which she takes out during the day and just stares point blank at.

After the church service, mom mingles with some of the unfamiliar faces and speaks to the pastor. I summon up courage to approach the girl. She’s wearing a beautiful white dress with ruffles and carries angel dust in her fine soft locks. I don't say anything. I just stare. She stares back, though her looks are curious. Like she wants to ask me something, but is hesitating.
She opens her palms and shows me three glittering stones, while she smiles and makes an obvious gesture for me to pick one. I take a brown stone. It’s shiny and warm. Mom calls for me, but her sound muffles in the crowd of people chatting. I close my palm with the brown stone buried inside.

“Luke?” says mom. “Come here darling.”
I walk over to her and she introduces me to the pastor – a gentle looking man with a casual appearance and kind sky blue eyes. He talks to me like he knows me, maybe he does. But I don't know him and he smiles and keeps his eyes mainly pressed against mom. There’s something calm, and soothing about him that makes me want to get to know him in the kind of way that brings me closer to understanding angels – or even God.

We leave the church and among the crowd of people roaming around the steep steps, I see the girl again. Her dad is calling for her.

“Come on Kim, get into the car,” he says. She turns to look at me and takes a seat at the back of a black car. She doesn't turn her looks away, but keeps staring. Just before they drive off, she waves and smiles at me, which feels like sunshine, warm and uplifting. She then disappears becoming a tiny dot before vanishing completely.

Mom takes my hand, into hers. It’s warm and soft. She pads it gently with her other hand as we walk in the direction of our new home. After a while she sighs and takes off her sunglasses and looks at me with her dark brown eyes – deep, still sadness filled in them.

“It’s all going to be fine Luke. You and I, are going to be just fine in this new place, you’ll soon see,” she says and avoids the subject of dad that I’ve been harassing her with ever since we arrived in this new little town called Maple Quays, somewhere south of San Francisco.

She sounds optimistic and reassuring and not like the time we drove off in the middle of the night when she was upset and crying. That was also the last time I saw dad and my friends. The only real precious belonging mom took with us the night we left, aside from some of our personal things, is my dog Caramel. He’s an ugly little thing, but I love him. He’s loyal, warm and likes to cuddle.

Slowly I release the pressure from my fist. My fingernails leave a bite mark on my palm. The stone is still there. Glittery, shiny and bright.

“I know mom.” I say and clutch onto the stone. “I know everything is going to be fine.” I don’t tell her that I miss dad. I don’t want to upset her.

We walk few blocks back to our new home. I still have to get used to this suburban neighbourhood, which has neat, quiet and coordinated streets. All the houses look the same – tall narrow closely clustered redbrick houses. I used to live in an apartment with mom and dad in the city. The apartment had yellow brick walls inside similar to those our new house has, except the bricks sit on the outside now and are red.

I miss that apartment – maybe because it reminds me of dad. Cosy, comfortable and calm. At least that’s how I remember him before he’d work long hours in the office and at home. But he’d always carve out time in the weekends to take me swimming.

“You’re a champion swimmer Luke.” He’d say and hired a coach to train me. But then swimming wasn't fun anymore. I started to lag and my time decreased. Dad would yell, like he does when he doesn't understand what’s truly going through inside my head. It used to frustrate me at first. I’d break out in tears and anger – and after a while, I just got used to the shouting and isolated the sound of his loud raised voice.

Whenever he’d say something I stopped responding and so he stopped asking. That’s when we barely spoke anymore. Before we knew it brick by brick we’d built a wall between us. But I still miss him – the way we used to be. When I turned eight he gave me Caramel for my birthday. Nasty little thing with a caramel colored fur, hence the name. I didn't like him at first. His sullen face, wide head and shoulders along with a distinct low grim jaw. But then he looked at me with his thick folded skin and round, black, wide-set innocent eyes. Something just changed and his short muzzle, droopy neck skin and lips didn't bother me anymore. Once I started to pat his flat sleek coat we instantly became friends.

We’ve lived for two years in Maple Quays. Dad stopped coming for a visit. Instead mom started leaving me at his place twice a month over the weekend. I like hanging out with dad, when he doesn’t shout. He talks a lot about mom –that he misses her, he even cries sometimes. Mom never speaks of him, and when he used to come around she’d change. The smile on her face would vanish and she’d wear this mask – to keep herself composed and serious.

Dad tells me she’s cold hearted. She always was. But I know she still loves him. She tells me she does, but she says she needs to heal. He hurt her, and she doesn’t want to be hurt. She says, Luke, one day you will understand. You will meet a wonderful girl and fall in love. I think that already happened the day I went to church. That’s the day I fell in love with Kim.

For my sixteenth birthday mom is helping me decorate the living room with red balloons. No clown – just red balloons, streamers, confetti and birthday banners. Dad moved in with us the third year of living here. Mom and him are finally happy. They stopped arguing too. I'm going to have a baby brother this summer.

One of the girls, Dorothy in my class just turned sixteen, and says that her parents say turning sixteen is the most difficult thing. Apparently, we transition into becoming teenagers. She gave me list of fifty things that happens to teenagers. I’ve read the fifty things, but nothing has happened to me from that list. Does that still mean I qualify in becoming teenager? Whatever that may be.

When I see Kim at the door I let in a mischievous smile. She’s my best friend and she still looks, just like an angel. Big ocean blue eyes, still angel dust in her golden locks. Kim always wears white. But not today. Today she's wearing a baby blue flower dress and flat ballerinas. I know because Dorothy, reads Cosmo. She also lives next door, and hangs out at my place most of the time. Dorthy's parents are divorced.

She started to come around when my parents were separated. I guess, I understood what she was going through. The shouting, and sometimes breaking of things. Dorothy knows I'm in love with Kim. I like to read books, and Dorothy likes to do girly things. She also gives me tons of advice about how to tell Kim what I truly feel. But I don't want to ruin our perfect friendship. Kim and I are like peas and carrots. Why change that?

"Happy birthday Luke." says Kim and hands me a small envelope. Her fingers are soft and pale, against my sun kissed skin.

"What did you get me?" I ask curiously. Kim always has these ideas sparkling out of her mind. I love her enthusiasm and creativity. She makes up funny stories and tells me one day, we'll fly away from earth to discover another earth. She truly believes there's another earth somewhere.

"Luke, you I know I can't tell you." She smiles and her smooth skin forms fine lines around her mouth. I observe her round face and pull out my Cheshire Cat smile.

"Ok Alice." I say, "another ones of your crazy surprises huh?"

"You're a mad hatter, Luke." she giggles loud, and her innocent happiness is contagious. She sinks into the couch, her dress flares around her. I hand her a bowl of popcorn.

"Luke?" Suddenly Kim pulls a serious face.

"Tell me everything is okay?" I say worried.

"It's not. I have something I need to tell you..."
1 like ·   •  0 comments  •  flag
Share on Twitter
Published on March 23, 2017 01:39
No comments have been added yet.