I’m not going to debate the efficacy of multi level marketing; if you’re convinced that selling dildos (or overpriced Saran Wrap, or whatever) is going to make you a millionaire, then by all means continue on with your dream. What I am going to tell you is that using my friendship as a stepping stone on your personal path to greatness is going to end it. And now I’m going to tell you why. But first I’m going to reiterate that no, it isn’t your sideline I find offensive; by all means, shill for that lipstick. It’s the fact that you’re using me, and I know you’re using me. Even if you won’t admit as much.

Someone send me a friend request on Facebook today, after I “liked” a photo of hers. A little later on, she messaged me to tell me how “awesome” I seemed and how she really wanted to get to know me better and oh, by the way, I could earn a living doing what I (apparently) did already: evangelize on health and fitness. So, clearly, someone who’s never met me before. I am…the furthest thing from a fitness guru you’re apt to meet. My exercise style is sloth. Yes, I happen to be mostly vegan but that has nothing to do with fitness and everything to do with ethics. And, quite honestly, health. But this girl didn’t know this and something else she didn’t know was that she wasn’t even the first person to contact me this morning!

As someone with an established social media presence, however small, I’m a prime target. I know this. Just about everyone who approaches me has some fantasy of me joining their downline and magically transforming them into a millionaire by bullying my readers into buying their crummy product. Which, no, I’m never going to do. I value my integrity, which is why I want my readers to know, to 1,000% trust that my opinion is my opinion. I don’t use any “direct sales” products, myself, because the business model offends me on a deeply personal level and because I think the products suck.

My books, my career, my life aren’t tools for someone else’s arsenal. But just as common as the people who think, “oh, goody, she’s a Z list celebrity” are those who can barely even remember my name. But we went to high school together, or something, and now they need to make some quick cash. And to those people I say: if you’re going to try to use me, at least make some modicum of effort. Don’t commiserate with me about how “unfulfilling” it is to be a SAHM; lots of SAHM’s are perfectly fulfilled and besides, I’m not one. Don’t suggest that I want to earn more money, or that I must be unhappy with my husband’s current earnings. I’m not, and besides, I married him and not his wallet. Please, at least try to remember that I have a job and what that job is.

A particularly onerous segment of would be millionaires takes the “if you’re my friend, then you’ll spend money on me” approach. To which my response is to ask this question: in what other area of life would such an attitude be acceptable? How is “buy my smelly, low grade wax or we’re over” any different than “spot me ten bucks or else?” Once you start quantifying friendship in those terms, it’s not friendship. Friendship is about who I am; not what you can earn from me.