A new year’s resolution set in the past.

On this New Year’s eve I resolve to remember. Looking forward I’d like to look back, and do it more often than I ever have. Not on all the other resolutions I’ve made and throughout the years — no, those had no roots, and blew over in the smallest tempests, forsaken until next year, and next year, and next year. They reached up without reaching in, and had nothing to offer when the hand hit the heavens. But I wish upon a star to remember more, to remember better, fresher and more intensely, my deepest dreams — the ones that keep me up at night and wake me up in the morning, the ones I cannot have while sleeping.

My resolutions are memories. And it gets a little messy. It doesn’t quite feel so fresh and new. My resolutions mean digging in and wrangling my soul out from wherever it might be stuck. My resolutions are a deeper dive into my nostalgias than ever before, in order to blast away their fog, to feel their warmth then set them them fire, rocketing right out of the past and into the future. My resolutions are those words my friend once told me—the ones I was afraid to believe. They are way my father lived, the ways I’ve never been sure I could fully emulate. They are the people and stories and characters that have impassioned me. They are those moments my eyes brightened and my mind raced and it seemed like every cloud cleared away for me while wings sprouted on my back. They are the goals I keep so close to the chest I can hardly see them, so deep inside they cannot change—but are easy to ignore. Those things I said I would never ever forget — I’m not willing to forget them anymore. Because every moment is just a piece of the past turning into the future, and if you forget the past, you’ll just come out with nothing, really. It’s after midnight and the clock is already ticking back down again. I want to catch the second hand for the upswing.

Sam Hayes
For more of my writing, check out my novel, The Weather Man — the story of a man sent on a roaring pursuit of happiness, because his emotions control the weather. Grab it on Amazon  — $3 ebooks, $15 paperbacks.