My first book (out next year in June oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah) is largely to do with emerging masculinity. Learning what it means to be a man has always seemed nebulous and tricky to me. And it used to be even more cut-throat. If you didn’t have what it took, back in the day, you simply did not survive. Nowadays it’s so tricky to know what it is, let alone whether or not you have any of it.

I’ve never been good with my hands. My dad is. So is my brother. They can see a problem in a house – say, a lack of shelving in the pantry cupboard – and they then, seemingly out of the aether, come up with a solution. Just buy this wood and cut it with this gizmo and sand it with this and then attach it with these thingamebobs. And so on. My dad, bless his socks, used to try to teach me these things when I was younger but I think, because I’m not naturally inclined toward it, I lost patience quickly. Too busy day-dreaming of Nintendo (did you know the Switch is out next March?!?!).

I’ve never been like that, which is why this week has been such an adventure. I’ve been building an outdoor pergola with my father-in-law, Paul, who has been very generous with his time and effort. It’s been difficult work, but very rewarding. And it feels risky. I constantly have to wear my ignorance on my face. This morning, for instance, I was asked to grab two bags of cement for mortar. When I got to the store they had cement, or mortar cement. And I have to go in and ask these big blokey blokes what the hell I’m doing. And wear that face.

But I feel that there’s an honesty to this type of vulnerability. I need not feel shame for my ignorance. If I’m not a traditional blokey bloke, that’s fine. I’m discovering, more and more, that true strength comes from humility. A lack of pride. Showing everybody a front would be just that, a show. No real strength in pretending I know.

Below is me at the end of day three. Getting there! My back hurts and my hamstrings hurt and my fingers are blistered and achey, but man do I feel courageous. Also some random being awesome in front me.

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