1.    What prompted you to write Dating Radar? 
Bill: We have seen so many people blind-sided by a high-conflict partner, that we wanted to warn people of what to look for from the start. As we worked together over the past ten years with High Conflict Institute, we learned more and more about high conflict personality warning signs. We wanted to let people know in advance, before they made the big commitments. Megan wrote her book about “Bait and Switch,” and that is what catches people so much by surprise. The person turns out to be almost the opposite of the wonderful person they dated. We wanted to help them out earlier in the process.

2.    How is this different from dating advice books? 
Bill: Most dating books don’t talk about personality disorders. This is really a hidden part of our society. We focus on what to watch out for to avoid getting into a high-conflict relationship. I think most dating books help you look for the person who is “compatible” with you. But what we learned—especially from the survey we did—was that so many high-conflict people show a fake compatibility. This is now one of the key warning signs we tell people to watch out for.

3.    What is the most important concept you hope people take away from reading Dating Radar? 
Bill: Three parts: First, Learn the key patterns of high-conflict personalities—what your radar is looking out for. Then, learn the ways HCPs jam your radar—how they mislead you. Finally, learn your own blind spots and how to overcome them. 

4.    Why don’t more people spot a potentially toxic soulmate from a mile away? 
Bill: Because they often jam people’s radar by seeming incredibly charming (that’s a warning sign now); seeming to be a “knight in shining armor” or “the life of the party;” seeming to have incredible compatibility (which may be fake); and people often want to be swept away because they are lonely, grieving a loss or have low self-esteem (these are blindspots).

5.    Is there a quick way to figure out who will turn out to be an HCP and who won’t? 
Bill: Not really. That’s why we say wait a year before making any big commitments, like getting married or having a child. But some signs may turn up earlier for those who read the book.

6.    How come we get roped into these relationships, sometimes repeatedly? 
Bill: I think this is often where the blind spots come in—especially if its repeatedly a problem. We found that many people saw warning signs, but ignored them for various reasons. Then they regretted that later on.

7.    What do I do if I’ve already become caught up in one of the red-flag relationships?  
Bill: First of all, read Dating Radar. Then talk with a therapist or good friends about how to get out of the relationship, unless you choose to stay for some reason. Some people stay because of the kids, or the lifestyle, or out of guilt. But most who took our survey decided to get out. You just have to do it carefully. That’s why planning with a therapist or other good adviser can help.