Corrie ten Boom has always been my heroine. When I spent years trying to work up the ability to forgive Dr. James Gay, the abortionist of Northside Women's Clinic of Atlanta, I would go to the story of Corrie being confronted, face to face, with a Nazi torturer from the death camp she survived. Her sister, also tortured by this Nazi guard, did not survive Ravensbruck - but Corrie did. Her story is amazing. Corrie's own words, when the guard approached her after a church services where she spoke in Munich, Germany (1947), "“Now he was in front of me, hand thrust out: ‘A fine message, Fräulein! How good it is to know that, as you say, all our sins are at the bottom of the sea!’ “And I, who had spoken so glibly of forgiveness, fumbled in my pocketbook rather than take that hand. He would not remember me, of course—how could he remember one prisoner among those thousands of women? But I remembered him and the leather crop swinging from his belt. I was face-to-face with one of my captors and my blood seemed to freeze."I insert my own story - when I exited Northside Women's Clinic, at 11:45 on March 9, 1991, through the back door of a second trimester abortion of a baby girl, I was literally carried by my mother and stuffed into the backseat of a car - and my father had to drive through protesters, yelling, "Baby killer! Murderer!" and my mother was heard through my semi-conscious state, screaming, "Judge not! She's not like the other girls!" I was 18 - and no matter what or why - I WAS like the other girls. I remember nothing but wanting to die - and asking myself how Dr. James Gay could live with himself, as he performed hundreds of abortions a week - and pocketed the blood money. I was as guilty as him - although pushed into this "choice" with a special needs unborn daughter - but as years passed, I grew to hate myself - and him. My salvation back to Christ came in 1994 through Monsignor Regan of Carrollton, GA - who recognized the symptoms of Post Abortion Syndrome - and he got me to help - and eventually, back to Christ and my conversion to Catholicism. Corrie's story continues, “ ‘You mentioned Ravensbruck in your talk,’ he was saying, ‘I was a guard there.’ No, he did not remember me... ‘But since that time,’ he went on, ‘I have become a Christian. I know that God has forgiven me for the cruel things I did there, but I would like to hear it from your lips as well. Fräulein,’ again the hand came out—’will you forgive me?’ Corrie stood in shock - “I whose sins had again and again to be forgiven—and could not forgive. Betsie had died in that place—could he erase her slow terrible death simply for the asking? It could not have been many seconds that he stood there—hand held out—but to me it seemed hours as I wrestled with the most difficult thing I had ever had to do.Corrie, oh Corrie - "For I had to do it — I knew that. The message that God forgives has a prior condition: that we forgive those who have injured us. ‘If you do not forgive men their trespasses,’ Jesus says, ‘neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses.’"Back to me: In my own time, after I returned to the Lord, I was in a therapy session with other post abortive survivors as we discussed how we had forgiven ourselves through Christ's mercy - but the subject of forgiving the actual doctor who had done the deed - our abortionists - the individual who had physically killed our unborn children - could we do that? Could we forgive them?I was the leader of that week's group meeting and I admitted... I had not forgiven Dr. James Gay. By that time, I was a mother - had suffered miscarriages too - and I had suffered uterine damage for sixteen years that resulted in a hysterectomy. Could I trace it to Dr. James Gay's surgery on me on March 9, 1991?In my mind, yes. In my personal ob-gyn's personal opinion, maybe. But legally - I never sought restitution. I just never forgave Dr. Gay - and even, perhaps, I hated him. I hated him as much as I had once hated myself.Corrie's story got to the point of this blog, "I knew it not only as a commandment of God, but as a daily experience. Since the end of the war I had had a home in Holland for victims of Nazi brutality. Those who were able to forgive their former enemies were able also to return to the outside world and rebuild their lives, no matter what the physical scars. Those who nursed their bitterness remained invalids. It was as simple and as horrible as that. And still I stood there with the coldness clutching my heart. But forgiveness is not an emotion—I knew that too. Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart. ‘… Help!’ I prayed silently. ‘I can lift my hand. I can do that much. You supply the feeling.’ And so woodenly, mechanically, I thrust my hand into the one stretched out to me. And as I did, an incredible thing took place. The current started in my shoulder, raced down my arm, sprang into our joined hands. And then this healing warmth seemed to flood my whole being, bringing tears to my eyes. ‘I forgive you, brother!’ I cried. ‘With all my heart!’ For a long moment we grasped each other’s hands, the former guard and the former prisoner. I had never known God’s love so intensely, as I did then."Oh Corrie - I would later relate. After my admission to my post abortive support group, in 2007, I went home and got onto my knees and forgave Dr. James Gay. I never Googled the man - I never returned to that clinic after that 1991 visit - I moved on - as my Lord allowed me in my forgiveness and of course, my redemption. My penance is forever working with post abortive women - and helping pregnant women chose life. Like Corrie, I will go and tell my story - to whomever will listen. I am not worthy to compare myself to Corrie, but I think she would understand why I used her as an example of forgiveness.In 2014-2016, I wrote A WOMAN'S CHOICE - an indie Catholic fiction romance, where the heroine is post abortive and enters the ministry to help women like her get help. To revisit the emotions for one important scene, I asked my husband and son to accompany me to Northside Women's Clinic.The clinic was closed - an empty building. The sign was still up, but another one had been torn down - the neighborhood had changed - and as I write this, it is still for sale. I I also learned Dr. James Gay had died years ago. No more babies would die - no more women would end up, at that location, like me.My heart rejoiced and I went on to write that scene of Banner being an agent of change for her goddaughter's own choice - a choice of life.I honestly say I leave Dr. Gay to God's determination of his fate. It isn't my place to judge, just as Corrie ten Boom reminded herself that night after a church service in Munich, Germany. We have to forgive - even if it is hard. Reading his obituary (http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/atla...), one sees Dr. James Gay met his end, proud he that performed abortions, by asking for donations to Planned Parenthood. I can only pray that other doctors who are abortionists will realize the sin they are committing, repent, and join - like so many post abortive women - the goal to overturn Roe vs. Wade and make personhood for the unborn a federal law - more than a state law.By using Corrie Ten Boom - a victim of another situation, but still a warrior of Christ - she is an example of forgiving someone who had wronged them. I forgave Dr. James Gay a very long time ago - and I pray this blog helps someone to forgive.[image error]Corrie ten Boom has always been my heroine. When I spent years trying to work up the ability to forgive Dr. James Gay, the abortionist of Northside Women's Clinic of Atlanta, I would go to the story of Corrie being confronted, face to face, with a Nazi torturer from the death camp she survived. Her sister, also tortured by this Nazi guard, did not survive Ravensbruck - but Corrie did. Her story is amazing. Corrie's own words, when the guard approached her after a church services where she spoke in Munich, Germany (1947), "“Now he was in front of me, hand thrust out: ‘A fine message, Fräulein! How good it is to know that, as you say, all our sins are at the bottom of the sea!’ “And I, who had spoken so glibly of forgiveness, fumbled in my pocketbook rather than take that hand. He would not remember me, of course—how could he remember one prisoner among those thousands of women? But I remembered him and the leather crop swinging from his belt. I was face-to-face with one of my captors and my blood seemed to freeze."I insert my own story - when I exited Northside Women's Clinic, at 11:45 on March 9, 1991, through the back door of a second trimester abortion of a baby girl, I was literally carried by my mother and stuffed into the backseat of a car - and my father had to drive through protesters, yelling, "Baby killer! Murderer!" and my mother was heard through my semi-conscious state, screaming, "Judge not! She's not like the other girls!" I was 18 - and no matter what or why - I WAS like the other girls. I remember nothing but wanting to die - and asking myself how Dr. James Gay could live with himself, as he performed hundreds of abortions a week - and pocketed the blood money. I was as guilty as him - although pushed into this "choice" with a special needs unborn daughter - but as years passed, I grew to hate myself - and him. My salvation back to Christ came in 1994 through Monsignor Regan of Carrollton, GA - who recognized the symptoms of Post Abortion Syndrome - and he got me to help - and eventually, back to Christ and my conversion to Catholicism. Corrie's story continues, “ ‘You mentioned Ravensbruck in your talk,’ he was saying, ‘I was a guard there.’ No, he did not remember me... ‘But since that time,’ he went on, ‘I have become a Christian. I know that God has forgiven me for the cruel things I did there, but I would like to hear it from your lips as well. Fräulein,’ again the hand came out—’will you forgive me?’ Corrie stood in shock - “I whose sins had again and again to be forgiven—and could not forgive. Betsie had died in that place—could he erase her slow terrible death simply for the asking? It could not have been many seconds that he stood there—hand held out—but to me it seemed hours as I wrestled with the most difficult thing I had ever had to do.Corrie, oh Corrie - "For I had to do it — I knew that. The message that God forgives has a prior condition: that we forgive those who have injured us. ‘If you do not forgive men their trespasses,’ Jesus says, ‘neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses.’"Back to me: In my own time, after I returned to the Lord, I was in a therapy session with other post abortive survivors as we discussed how we had forgiven ourselves through Christ's mercy - but the subject of forgiving the actual doctor who had done the deed - our abortionists - the individual who had physically killed our unborn children - could we do that? Could we forgive them?I was the leader of that week's group meeting and I admitted... I had not forgiven Dr. James Gay. By that time, I was a mother - had suffered miscarriages too - and I had suffered uterine damage for sixteen years that resulted in a hysterectomy. Could I trace it to Dr. James Gay's surgery on me on March 9, 1991?In my mind, yes. In my personal ob-gyn's personal opinion, maybe. But legally - I never sought restitution. I just never forgave Dr. Gay - and even, perhaps, I hated him. I hated him as much as I had once hated myself.Corrie's story got to the point of this blog, "I knew it not only as a commandment of God, but as a daily experience. Since the end of the war I had had a home in Holland for victims of Nazi brutality. Those who were able to forgive their former enemies were able also to return to the outside world and rebuild their lives, no matter what the physical scars. Those who nursed their bitterness remained invalids. It was as simple and as horrible as that. And still I stood there with the coldness clutching my heart. But forgiveness is not an emotion—I knew that too. Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart. ‘… Help!’ I prayed silently. ‘I can lift my hand. I can do that much. You supply the feeling.’ And so woodenly, mechanically, I thrust my hand into the one stretched out to me. And as I did, an incredible thing took place. The current started in my shoulder, raced down my arm, sprang into our joined hands. And then this healing warmth seemed to flood my whole being, bringing tears to my eyes. ‘I forgive you, brother!’ I cried. ‘With all my heart!’ For a long moment we grasped each other’s hands, the former guard and the former prisoner. I had never known God’s love so intensely, as I did then."Oh Corrie - I would later relate. After my admission to my post abortive support group, in 2007, I went home and got onto my knees and forgave Dr. James Gay. I never Googled the man - I never returned to that clinic after that 1991 visit - I moved on - as my Lord allowed me in my forgiveness and of course, my redemption. My penance is forever working with post abortive women - and helping pregnant women chose life. Like Corrie, I will go and tell my story - to whomever will listen. I am not worthy to compare myself to Corrie, but I think she would understand why I used her as an example of forgiveness.In 2014-2016, I wrote A WOMAN'S CHOICE - an indie Catholic fiction romance, where the heroine is post abortive and enters the ministry to help women like her get help. To revisit the emotions for one important scene, I asked my husband and son to accompany me to Northside Women's Clinic.The clinic was closed - an empty building. The sign was still up, but another one had been torn down - the neighborhood had changed - and as I write this, it is still for sale. I I also learned Dr. James Gay had died years ago. No more babies would die - no more women would end up, at that location, like me.My heart rejoiced and I went on to write that scene of Banner being an agent of change for her goddaughter's own choice - a choice of life.I honestly say I leave Dr. Gay to God's determination of his fate. It isn't my place to judge, just as Corrie ten Boom reminded herself that night after a church service in Munich, Germany. We have to forgive - even if it is hard. Reading his obituary (http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/atla...), one sees Dr. James Gay met his end, proud he that performed abortions, by asking for donations to Planned Parenthood. I can only pray that other doctors who are abortionists will realize the sin they are committing, repent, and join - like so many post abortive women - the goal to overturn Roe vs. Wade and make personhood for the unborn a federal law - more than a state law.By using Corrie Ten Boom - a victim of another situation, but still a warrior of Christ - she is an example of forgiving someone who had wronged them. I forgave Dr. James Gay a very long time ago - and I pray this blog helps someone to forgive.[image error]

[image error][image error]Corrie ten Boom has always been my heroine. When I spent years trying to work up the ability to forgive Dr. James Gay, the abortionist of Northside Women’s Clinic of Atlanta, I would go to the story of Corrie being confronted, face to face, with a Nazi torturer from the death camp she survived. Her sister, also tortured by this Nazi guard, did not survive Ravensbruck – but Corrie did. Her story is amazing.

Corrie’s own words, when the guard approached her after a church services where she spoke in Munich, Germany (1947), “Now he was in front of me, hand thrust out: ‘A fine message, Fräulein! How good it is to know that, as you say, all our sins are at the bottom of the sea!’ And I, who had spoken so glibly of forgiveness, fumbled in my pocketbook rather than take that hand. He would not remember me, of course—how could he remember one prisoner among those thousands of women? But I remembered him and the leather crop swinging from his belt. I was face-to-face with one of my captors and my blood seemed to freeze.”

I insert my own story – when I exited Northside Women’s Clinic, at 11:45 AM on March 9, 1991, through the back door of a second trimester abortion of a baby girl, I was literally carried by my mother and stuffed into the backseat of a car – and my father had to drive through protesters, yelling, “Baby killer! Murderer!” and my mother was heard through my semi-conscious state, screaming, “Judge not! She’s not like the other girls!” I was 18 – and no matter what or why – I WAS like the other girls.  I remember nothing but wanting to die – and asking myself how Dr. James Gay could live with himself, as he performed hundreds of abortions a week – and pocketed the blood money. I was as guilty as him – although pushed into this “choice” with a special needs unborn daughter – but as years passed, I grew to hate myself – and him. I wasn’t worthy of Christ – and I wanted to die. My salvation back to Christ came in 1994 through Monsignor Regan of Carrollton, GA – who recognized the symptoms of Post Abortion Syndrome – and he got me to help – and eventually, back to Christ and I later converted to Catholicism.  I have worked in the post abortive Christian community since 1994.  I have been public – on social media – since 2014.

Corrie’s story continues, “ ‘You mentioned Ravensbruck in your talk,’ he was saying, ‘I was a guard there.’ No, he did not remember me… ‘But since that time,’ he went on, ‘I have become a Christian. I know that God has forgiven me for the cruel things I did there, but I would like to hear it from your lips as well. Fräulein,’ again the hand came out—’will you forgive me?’ Corrie stood in shock – “I whose sins had again and again to be forgiven—and could not forgive. Betsie had died in that place—could he erase her slow terrible death simply for the asking? It could not have been many seconds that he stood there—hand held out—but to me it seemed hours as I wrestled with the most difficult thing I had ever had to do. For I had to do it — I knew that. The message that God forgives has a prior condition: that we forgive those who have injured us. ‘If you do not forgive men their trespasses,’ Jesus says, ‘neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses.’”

Back to me: In my own time, after I returned to the Lord, I was in a therapy session with other post abortive survivors as we discussed how we had forgiven ourselves through Christ’s mercy – but the subject of forgiving the actual doctor who had done the deed – our abortionists – the individual who had physically killed our unborn children – could we do that? Could we forgive them?

I was the leader of that week’s group meeting and I admitted… I had not forgiven Dr. James Gay. By that time, I was a mother – had suffered miscarriages too – and I had suffered uterine damage for sixteen years that resulted in a hysterectomy. Could I trace it to Dr. James Gay’s surgery on me on March 9, 1991?

In my mind, yes. In my personal ob-gyn’s personal opinion, maybe. But legally – I never sought restitution. I just never forgave Dr. Gay – and even, perhaps, I hated him. I hated him as much as I had once hated myself.

Corrie’s story got to the point of this blog, “I knew it not only as a commandment of God, but as a daily experience. Since the end of the war I had had a home in Holland for victims of Nazi brutality. Those who were able to forgive their former enemies were able also to return to the outside world and rebuild their lives, no matter what the physical scars. Those who nursed their bitterness remained invalids. It was as simple and as horrible as that. And still I stood there with the coldness clutching my heart. But forgiveness is not an emotion—I knew that too. Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart. ‘… Help!’ I prayed silently. ‘I can lift my hand. I can do that much. You supply the feeling.’ And so woodenly, mechanically, I thrust my hand into the one stretched out to me. And as I did, an incredible thing took place. The current started in my shoulder, raced down my arm, sprang into our joined hands. And then this healing warmth seemed to flood my whole being, bringing tears to my eyes. ‘I forgive you, brother!’ I cried. ‘With all my heart!’ For a long moment we grasped each other’s hands, the former guard and the former prisoner. I had never known God’s love so intensely, as I did then.”

After my admission to my post abortive support group, in 2007, I went home and got onto my knees and forgave Dr. James Gay. I never Googled the man – I never returned to that clinic after that 1991 visit – I moved on – as my Lord allowed me in my forgiveness and of course, my redemption. My penance is forever working with post abortive women – and helping pregnant women chose life. Like Corrie, I will go and tell my story – to whomever will listen. I am not worthy to compare myself to Corrie, but I think she would understand why I used her as an example of forgiveness.

In 2014-2016, I wrote A WOMAN’S CHOICE – an indie Catholic fiction romance, where the heroine is post abortive and enters the ministry to help women like her get help. To revisit the emotions for one important scene, I asked my husband and son to accompany me to Northside Women’s Clinic. The clinic was closed – an empty building. The sign was still up, but another one had been torn down – the neighborhood had changed – and as I write this, it is still for sale. I  I also learned Dr. James Gay had died years ago. No more babies would die – no more women would end up, at that location, like me.

My heart rejoiced and I went on to write that scene of Banner being an agent of change for her goddaughter’s own choice – a choice of life.

I honestly say I leave Dr. Gay to God’s determination of his fate. It isn’t my place to judge, just as Corrie ten Boom reminded herself that night after a church service in Munich, Germany. We have to forgive – even if it is hard. Reading his obituary (http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/atlanta/obituary.aspx?pid=2042206), one sees Dr. James Gay met his end, proud he performed abortions, by asking for donations to Planned Parenthood. That is what he wanted his legacy to be. I can only pray that other doctors who are abortionists will realize the sin they are committing, repent, and join – like so many post abortive women – the goal to overturn Roe vs. Wade and make personhood for the unborn a federal law – more than a state law.  Personhood for the unborn – a term I don’t think Dr. James Gay ever understood – but I hope, maybe, in his last breath – maybe he did. I pray he repented. I pray for other women who walked through Northside Women’s Clinic – and I pray they find redemption and peace through Christ.

Corrie ten Boom role-modeled forgiving someone  – I hope this blog brings you peace. To learn more about Corrie ten Boom’s ministry and life, please visit http://tenboom.org/ and if you are post abortive and need help, please contact Project Rachel at http://hopeafterabortion.com/

[image error]