I’m a huge fan of Twitter hashtag games, especially #authorconfession (created by the talented @_JM_Sullivan). This past week, there was an interesting prompt: advice for fellow writer on how to deal with rejection.

(Sidebar: if you’re a writer looking to connect more with the online community, I cannot encourage you enough to try hashtag games. They’re a lot fun, some fantastic writers take part in them, and these types of exercises will do wonders for your craft in terms of character and plot development.)

Anyone who has decided to write (although ask any writer and they’ll tell you deciding to write is like “deciding” to breathe) knows that rejection comes with the territory. We’ve all heard the stories: J.K. Rowlings’ Harry Potter was rejected by twelve different publishers; Stephen King wrote three other novels before he was finally published. Tolkien, Steinbeck, Faulkner; all of them received rejection letters from publishers. It’s almost a rallying cry among authors: “It happened to them, too!”

Even if you do publish your work, it doesn’t stop there; readers will reject your work, too. Bad reviews, low star ratings, etc. It happens to everyone. Writing is so subjective. Talent and skill are important, but in the end, personal tastes plays a huge role, too. Best-selling novels are not unanimously adored.  Critically acclaimed authors are not always commercially successful.

Yes, rejection is part of the process, and even though it’s important not to let that discourage you, I also think it’s important to acknowledge how draining it can. Querying is the most stressful and exciting part of the writing process for me. We spend months, sometimes years, editing and revising manuscripts, then the query letter and synopsis. So much time, effort and passion goes into our stories. The moment you finally hit “send” is both terrifying and exhilarating.

And the moment you realize a professional read your work and said, “Nah”…that sucks. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve sworn I was done writing, even going so far as to save all my unfinished manuscripts to a USB drive with instructions for my husband to bury it in the background. (He didn’t. He just rolled his eyes and turned up the volume on the television, as he should because that’s a sure sign I’ve gone to my crazy place.)

Of course, I never really mean it. I sulk for a few days, lamenting the death of my dream and subsequent prison of white-collar mediocrity, but eventually an idea forces its way into my reluctant brain, and I rush back to my laptop, excited to begin a new project or tackle a new round of revisions.

But I think you need to acknowledge that feeling of disappointment. Your first instinct might be to tell yourself, “Suck it up; you knew rejection was part of the process” but that doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to feel frustrated or bummed. I’m not saying you should fixate or dwell on it. And please don’t let rejection discourage you from submitting it somewhere else or writing something new. But you can take some time to grieve a little. You’ve earned it.

Indulge in your favorite comfort food. Call your best friend and unload a little. Feel your feelings, then —and this is the most important part—move on.

If you received any feedback, consider it carefully. Even though the agent/editor passed on your work, it doesn’t mean they don’t want you to succeed. If they’ve taken the time to make suggestions or explain why it didn’t work for them, listen. If they had trouble connecting with the story or characters, maybe it’s because your pacing is off or characterization a little too thin. Sometimes it simply isn’t for them. They don’t share the same sense of humor or they’ve taken on another story very similar to yours, unfortunately. No matter what response you receive, it’s always a good idea to send a short email thanking them for taking time to consider your work.

(Sidebar: I do not recommend airing any grievances online. The writing community is small, agents/editors frequently interact with each other, and agents will usually check out potential clients’ online presence to get a sense of their personalities. If you’re feeling angry or frustrated, keep it in-house. Bitch to a friend, not your followers. Keep it professional. Querying is basically the same as a job search.)