Adverbs: Hate Speech Tolerated
I remember learning about adverbs in school.

Today, that prompts one of two questions. "Just how the Hell old are you, anyway?" or "What's an adverb?"

I'm old enough to know what an adverb is, and that's any word that ends in "ly." (It's more complicated than that, but there is no room for nuance.)

Adverbs are the criminals of prose. Real writers roam the streets with torches and pitchforks shouting, "Death to adverbs and the writers who use them!" Stephen King alone has killed millions. (Far fewer writers.) Editors pretend hunting down and executing all your adverbs is a wearisome task. Secret- er, possessed of a motive to hide the truth, they love the job. They keep score, you know, and boast of their kills on their private message boards. They stencil little "A's" on their desks for all I know and strive to become ace editors.

The Rules of Good Writing
Nearly every article ever written by a real writer handing down commandments for the rest of us condemns adverbs. Here are 10 rules from a New York Times article. The author, Elmore Leonard, has written 45 novels and done very well for himself. If I published three novels a year, the actuarial tables say I might live long enough to match that record. I'd be stupid not to listen to a writer with his bona fides.

But, as most have us learned a long time ago from reading articles about writing by real writers, there's only one rule: "Write like Ernest Hemingway." You hear the call five times a day in English-speaking countries.

Hell, for twenty bucks your computer can fix your crappy writing with Hemingway Editor 3. The New Yorker likes it.

Beginners in any field should pay attention to experienced hands. And there are common mistakes writers should avoid. But I'm not convinced writing well means imitating somebody else. I think writing well is making your unique voice the very best it can be. If it turns out that the very best your voice can be is still suited for the shower and not the Metropolitan Opera, oh well.

Except for reliable best-selling authors, we all have day jobs or pensions. I might be able to write like Hemingway if my life depended on it. Fortunately, it doesn't.

Even Elmore Leonard says (you'll have to judge the tone for yourself): "If you have a facility for language and imagery and the sound of your voice pleases you, invisibility is not what you are after, and you can skip the rules." (Is any writer "invisible?" Do you have to be invisible to avoid being intrusive?)
Adverbs: Not Going Quietly
There are brave souls who defend adverbs. Here is an article from The Atlantic. Adverbs want everyone to know one thing: they are not going quietly.

True, my first submitted manuscript was filthy with adverbs. Any word that ended in "ly" got flagged. I dutiful- Sorry. With an admirable devotion to duty, I got rid of my adverbs.

And, I had to admit, I did not miss them. I learned to trust the reader to understand the quality of a verb in question from the context. (In fact, if I have grown as a writer, most of it comes from learning to trust the reader to participate in a scene.) If I real- um, was required by legitimate considerations to qualify a verb, I figured out another way to do it. Like a different verb. In time, I learned to accept, even love my adverb-less editorial overlords.

But, sometimes, I thought a sentence needed the stinking adverb.

I learned the rule, then fought for a few adverbs I still felt were necessary. So, the manuscript went back with a few comments like, "God forbid my name should ever be associated with a novel lacking this one adverb! I'd rather be burned at the stake with my manuscript by Stephen King!"

And, since my editor is sensible, I did not lose too many fights. Probably because I recognized the wisdom of the rule and picked my battles careful- er, with care.

The aims of the Adverb Liberation Front are modest. Adverbs agree they have been overused. It's not their fault. They don't attach themselves to  innocent verbs on their own, like leeches. Writers who don't know any better put them there. My adverbial friends resent such abuse and reject with firmness any ambition to overrun English prose.

They, will, however, happily give their lives to preserve their useful, if limited, place among their brother and sister words.  (You're welcome to read my novel and take a drink every time you find an adverb. Let me know how we did.)