​Most of you know my dad went to be with the Lord recently. Actually, today makes twenty days. I’m not myself. Sometimes I believe I’ll never be myself again, but I find hope in the words of my dear friends who have lost a parent: Time heals all wounds.



Even though their words help keep me going, it’s in the Lord in which I find TRUE comfort.

I’ve learned something detrimental from God during this time. I say “detrimental” because I know in my heart I can’t live (wouldn’t want to live) without all He has given me. It’s the same thing He has given YOU! In fact, it’s something He has given all His God-fearing children! None of us are void of His comfort, we just have to understand how to tap into it, and that’s through FAITH!  

 

The day my dad died is the same day God left my presence. This isn’t really accurate, but just bear with me. You see, I can feel the Lord’s presence in my life every day. From the moment I wake up and say my morning prayer, to the time I doze off during my nightly prayer, I can feel God’s presence. He’s ALWAYS with me, and I’m aware of this fact. But when my dad passed away, I could no longer feel the Lord’s presence. It was as if He’d left me.



I was greatly disturbed by this, to say the least, and I was also confused. In all my days, if there was ever a time I needed God the most, it was now; during the worst time of my life. So, where was He?



I cried out to Him asking exactly that: Where are you God? Where did you go? How come I can no longer feel you around me? Why would You leave me during a time like this?  I cried out to Him for three days, but got no answer.



It was then that I came to my senses. I pushed my FEELINGS aside, and, instead, I rooted myself in His Word, which tells me “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18).



I reminded myself of what I know as TRUTH! Hebrews 4:12 tells us “For the Word of God is alive and powerful.” God’s Word is living, it’s power, and it’s truth! Because of this, no matter how I may FEEL at any given time, the truth is in the Word, and the Word tells me God is close to the brokenhearted, which meant God was close to me regardless of how I felt at the time.



It was then that I told the Lord I would quit asking Him where He was because I knew He was with me! I stood on God’s Word in faith, even though what I felt was in contradiction.

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Three days later, God revealed something to me I’ll cherish for the rest of my life. He showed me a vision of myself standing near a very large shade tree. The sun was shining down full force, but the large tree, with it’s many branches and leaves, blocked the sunrays from hitting me. I was completely covered in the shade from this tree.

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Then the Lord spoke, “This is you, this tree represents your grief, and I am the sun. Because your grief is so big, so deep, and so full, you can’t feel my warmth. Your grief has become a barrier.”



I immediately understood, and I could see it, too. My grief was so heavy, I couldn’t feel God’s presence, even though He was right there next to me. I didn’t question Him anymore. I just, once again, accepted the fact that “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” Psalm 147:3.



“Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go” Joshua 1:9.



Now, God is not saying that we shouldn’t grieve. Grieving is one of the human emotions He’s given us. We're supposed to grieve. What He’s saying is that sometimes in life we can get so wrapped up in our emotions that it’s difficult to feel His presence, even when He’s right here with us, helping us through every trial (Isaiah 41:13).



This reminds me of Footprints in the Sand:



“Lord, you said once I decided to follow you,

You'd walk with me all the way.

But I noticed that during the saddest and most troublesome times of my life,

there was only one set of footprints.

I don't understand why, when I needed You the most, You would leave me.”



He whispered, “My precious child, I love you and will never leave you

Never, ever, during your trials and testings.

When you saw only one set of footprints,

It was then that I carried you.”



I only saw one set of footprints, but the truth is … there will never, ever be a time when God turns His back on us. His Word is alive, it’s powerful, and it’s REAL!



Stand on it in faith!