George Lucas often said not to be so precious about Star Wars.

Rian Johnson listened.

Last night, surrounded by my oldest pals, I watched in awe as The Last Jedi unfolded in front of my eyes. The lead-up to these films is somewhat embarrassing for me. I’m always more stressed than a human should be about a movie. But I grew up with SW, it’s such a massive part of my childhood—a massive part of me still today—that it’s hard not assign it so much gravity. So essentially I can’t relax until it’s over, so I’m sort of in love with a new Star Wars movie like Anakin loved Padme: I’m in agony for 2+ hours, it’s in my very soul, tormenting me….but then I decompress and love it. And I always need at least one rewatch to fully process (and usually it’s a lot more than that).

For context, however, Force Awakens was like love at first sight for me. Last Jedi took some time to warm up to. But ultimately, what makes a better relationship? A lusty flash in the pan, or substance and intimacy?

And that’s what Last Jedi is. Meaty. Up close and personal, shining a spotlight on some hard truths of that galaxy far, far away. The warm blanket of Force Awakens has been cast aside for this installment and we are forced to forever canonize our beloved heroes making tough choices, doing the unthinkable, and ultimately making mistakes. Failing, even. The story goes to places that are so right and so honest, if not hard to understand. The writer in me is at odds with the fanboy—the plot went exactly where it needed to, where it had to…but how could you do this to our, let’s be honest, friends? The fictional folk we care so much about? We can’t go home again, Chewie!

But it’s a remarkable film, no doubts there. It’s a feast for the eyes, with visuals that literally had me gasping. There are a thousand gut-punch moments, a thousand feels, and I left the theater wondering when I started crying and if I ever stopped. To echo other reviews, it’s not perfect—but what is? Rian Johnson is a fan, that didn’t talk down to us by paying fan service. Star Wars needs to grow and change. Nobody wants to be the director that says it, let alone does it, but RJ stepped up to the plate and took one for the team. After Force Awakens, we all begged for answers, and he gave us them. For better or worse.

10/10. Will have to see again. Will gladly see again.

Star Wars, fans: we have a lot to talk about.