Once we’ve been divorced, the devastation has many faces. It may come in the form of addiction—alcohol, drugs, sex, or other destructive behaviors. I chose work as my drug of choice. Sounds positive, but it was just as deleterious as any other drug. Sure, it had sound monetary advantages, and the physical destruction was only limited to long hours and lack of exercise, but emotionally, the effects were the same.

As a chiropractor, I’m familiar with the physical effects of divorce. I see patients who present with stiff necks, back spasms, and headaches. The consequences of stress on our bodies are incredible; studies have shown that cancer often manifests as a result of stress. I know firsthand. I’ve had melanoma twice and there is no doubt that it was the result of stress. Actually, it presented itself right after I married again to the most wonderful man, and I’m thankful and certain it only came when I finally had the support to handle it. If he hadn’t been in my life, I’m sure I would have let it beat me.

This reminds me of the instructions on the airplane: put your air mask on first. Yes, after a divorce, in order to move on, you have to take care of your most valuable resource—yourself. This includes exercising, eating right, finding joy, and most importantly, avoiding addiction as a numbing agent. Life is too precious to punish yourself for something that isn’t all your fault.

If you bear half of the responsibility, why take all of the blame?