Only the British can read you the riot act and make it sound like they just said you’re beautiful.

Someone had posted Simon Royle's indie reviewers list on a Goodreads discussion group. I print out the twenty pages and add that to the growing pile of marketing tasks.

Like Simon says, I check out each blogger’s site, feeling out their point of view, interests and such. Then, I craft four personalized emails requesting a review of “The Cat Letters”. Send.

From across the pond, I receive a reply:

English bloke: Yes, I’ll review your novella. Send it in ePub format.

Stupid American: Listen, I don’t have it in ePub format, but if you buy it for $2.99, I’ll send you a fabulous BITCH mug, AND cover your costs. How’s that sound?

English bloke: It’s obvious that you are new to getting reviewed. My submission guidelines are right hand corner of the site.

Stupid American: I am SO new at this. Thanks for teaching me the ropes.

The .rtf file for the book is deep in the computer. I pull it up, attach it to the email:

Dell (my computer): File too big.

Me: Shit.

Dell (my computer): Zip it.

Me: ?&%$! L

Dell. Compress the file, dummy.

Me: How do I do that?

Dell: Google it, grasshopper.

Me: Oh….

I google “how to zip a file”. But, that’s not what the reviewer wants in the first place. He said: “Send an ePub”.

O.K. I search “how to convert an .rtf file into an ePub”. There are free ways to do this. I pick one, download it and begin to learn yet another software program. One hour later, I can’t get it to work.

Sometimes, free is expensive.

$40 US Dollars buys me the AVS Document Converter, ironically from a company in London, and I ship off a flawless ePub to the English bloke who changed my life by reminding me to do what people request, not make up what they want. 

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