What You Think Is Drawing You Inward, May Be Drawing You Outward
Spiritual practices, experiences, conferences, theories, and groups may be just another way your ego keeps you focussed on the outer world.
If I catch myself wondering if this person can help me go deeper or if this group will help me connect more, I remind myself that “more” is impossible. Going deeper, assumes there is a level, some benchmark measuring my spiritual attainment. It’s like trying to rank my ability to be Lori when I already am a Lori. I can’t be more or less of a Lori. Similarly, we can’t rank our spirituality. We already are, spiritual, in its entirety, and nothing we do or say can change that. The longing, the disconnected feelings we encounter represents our state of awareness, and not our level of spiritual enlightenment. Any negative feeling indicates that our awareness is focussed on an outside experience or an ego generated plan of action to fill the emotional longing and disconnection.Those on the spiritual path are not immune to the ego's desire to draw awareness outwards. It masks itself brilliantly as an energetic surge during a meditation, an esoteric experience, a physiological tingling, emotional shift, or collection of knowledge that is perceived as something done or achieved. The simple desire to recreate it, is an ego motivated desire because it perpetuates the illusion that pleasure is triggered by an outside experience. Something you did, created that experience within youAny feeling of less than or more than, is an indication that our awareness is focussed on the outer world and we are no longer in alignment with our true selves. Feeling the desire to Guru others(more than), believing a manifestation is of your own doing (more than), superiority (more than), seeing oneself as chosen (more than), evolved (more than), needing guidance (less than), not there yet (less than), separate (less than), are all indicators the ego is active.When I catch my awareness focussed on the outer, I consciously draw my awareness inward and ask myself what am I believing that is drawing my awareness outward. For example, once I had a strong desire to travel to Europe for a week long retreat to see a guru. By questioning my intent, I identified that my desire stemmed from my belief that he would help me go deeper in my understanding of who I really am. I was believing that, he knew more than I did, he had more abilities than me, that he was special, he had the power to create changes within me, and it would be faster to go to him than to wait for for my own insight. I was looking for him to fulfill my need to feel satisfied, special, gifted, transformed, connected and loved. Even though it appeared I was aligned because I was contemplating my inner spiritual self, my longing for more (negative feeling), and my inquiry illuminated the limiting beliefs that were drawing my awareness outward.It doesn’t mean we can’t go to see people, to read or receive treatments. It means that your intention for doing so may be the help you are looking for. I have read many books, have sat in many audiences and participated in plenty of workshops. They all helped me to understand metaphysics, and positive psychology but what truly transformed my experience was the personal application of the teachings, every day, as often as possible until it became my new habit. The teachings became so ingrained that when I swayed, I could feel it physiologically, mentally and emotionally and could draw my awareness back, inward.Questioning limiting thoughts and exploring negative feelings may seem like a lot of work but it’s vital to creating a new habit of maintaining a state of awareness on who you really are. Trying to find easier, faster ways to feel better is the ego keeping you busy, occupied and your awareness outwardly focussed.
If I catch myself wondering if this person can help me go deeper or if this group will help me connect more, I remind myself that “more” is impossible. Going deeper, assumes there is a level, some benchmark measuring my spiritual attainment. It’s like trying to rank my ability to be Lori when I already am a Lori. I can’t be more or less of a Lori. Similarly, we can’t rank our spirituality. We already are, spiritual, in its entirety, and nothing we do or say can change that. The longing, the disconnected feelings we encounter represents our state of awareness, and not our level of spiritual enlightenment. Any negative feeling indicates that our awareness is focussed on an outside experience or an ego generated plan of action to fill the emotional longing and disconnection.Those on the spiritual path are not immune to the ego's desire to draw awareness outwards. It masks itself brilliantly as an energetic surge during a meditation, an esoteric experience, a physiological tingling, emotional shift, or collection of knowledge that is perceived as something done or achieved. The simple desire to recreate it, is an ego motivated desire because it perpetuates the illusion that pleasure is triggered by an outside experience. Something you did, created that experience within youAny feeling of less than or more than, is an indication that our awareness is focussed on the outer world and we are no longer in alignment with our true selves. Feeling the desire to Guru others(more than), believing a manifestation is of your own doing (more than), superiority (more than), seeing oneself as chosen (more than), evolved (more than), needing guidance (less than), not there yet (less than), separate (less than), are all indicators the ego is active.When I catch my awareness focussed on the outer, I consciously draw my awareness inward and ask myself what am I believing that is drawing my awareness outward. For example, once I had a strong desire to travel to Europe for a week long retreat to see a guru. By questioning my intent, I identified that my desire stemmed from my belief that he would help me go deeper in my understanding of who I really am. I was believing that, he knew more than I did, he had more abilities than me, that he was special, he had the power to create changes within me, and it would be faster to go to him than to wait for for my own insight. I was looking for him to fulfill my need to feel satisfied, special, gifted, transformed, connected and loved. Even though it appeared I was aligned because I was contemplating my inner spiritual self, my longing for more (negative feeling), and my inquiry illuminated the limiting beliefs that were drawing my awareness outward.It doesn’t mean we can’t go to see people, to read or receive treatments. It means that your intention for doing so may be the help you are looking for. I have read many books, have sat in many audiences and participated in plenty of workshops. They all helped me to understand metaphysics, and positive psychology but what truly transformed my experience was the personal application of the teachings, every day, as often as possible until it became my new habit. The teachings became so ingrained that when I swayed, I could feel it physiologically, mentally and emotionally and could draw my awareness back, inward.Questioning limiting thoughts and exploring negative feelings may seem like a lot of work but it’s vital to creating a new habit of maintaining a state of awareness on who you really are. Trying to find easier, faster ways to feel better is the ego keeping you busy, occupied and your awareness outwardly focussed.
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