I used to have a Valentine. For years I had a live in Valentine. I remember minutes after I said my vows and we were introduced as husband and wife, to myself I said…

“ I will always have a Valentine”…..( eye roll )

We, as humans, wrap so much of our value into this date. This date on the calendar holds our value. This date can either make or break our feelings. This date, this number in the amazing month, defines us. Or so we think. If we have a Valentine we show him or her off. We post pictures of over priced roses, half eaten candy, and selfies that were taken on a different day in a different period in our relationships. We hide behind the screen with a proud chest feeling as if we have “won” Valentines Day because we have a “Valentine”. The reality is who ever sent the roses usually feels obligated. Obligated. Is that the way we want someone we love to feel? So before you shame yourself for being alone on this day, let me take you back to place in my life and make a few things clear….

After my marriage ended, I was jumped into a relationship. When I found out my new guys birthday was on February 14th, I was over the moon. How amazing and romantic. ( wrong) Valentines Day was and still is attached to my dad. I tried to avoid missing my dad on this day so I was excited to, in a sense, give this day to someone else, and I did. Each time his birthday rolled around, I went out of my way to celebrate him. But it was never enough.  Each birthday with him got worse each year. The last Valentines Day we celebrated as a couple, was miserable.

I planned for weeks to give him an amazing birthday/Valentines Day. I worked hard to combine the two and make the day more about him. That morning, I drove him to his spa appointment. After his facial and massage, they gave him a card and a box full of his favorite candy. While he was doing that I was talking to the party planner I had at my house who was setting up for our arrival. After the spa, we went to the higher end dine in movie theater. We ate and had drinks. When we got the house, everything was set. I had someone come in and decorate the kitchen for him. Fully decked out with conversation heart cakes each with a special love message, mini key lime pies, containers full of candy, favorite foods and  alcoholic drinks were designed with a perfect combo of Valentines and Birthday decor. She had hearts and birthday cakes cut out for him and she filled the room with streamers and balloons. I was so excited to show him. As we walked in he looked shocked. He looked around for a few minutes, and then looked at me and said…

“You have some serious issues”….

My heart broke into pieces, shattering all over the floor. He said I did too much and it was unnecessary. I had no idea at the time he was sleeping with someone else.  But that day pictures of us were on social media. My broken heart and his cheating ways were safely tucked away behind the fake smiles we were sharing with the internet. The moral to my story is you are not less of a person because you don’t have a Valentine. You may see pictures on social media, but you have no idea what is really going on in someone’s life. Since I have been single, I have loved Valentines Day, no pressure. I share it with who I love. My friends, family, kids and dogs in the park. If you can become a whole person on your own, you will never feel sad just because a calendar tells you to. If you wrap your value in this date, you may have bigger issues that you think…like I did…

Happy Valentines Day to my people who have shown me love today and every day!