No, I don’t. I hate chickens. Live chickens, I mean. I like to eat dead chickens. But I don’t like live chickens at all. I think it comes from growing up on a farm. There were lots of chickens. And like most farm kids, I went barefoot all summer. Chickens—in case you didn’t know—love to chase little girls and peck their toes.

Also, chicken poop is the worst-smelling poop in the universe. Especially if you step in barefoot.

I once made the grave mistake of telling my mother that I hated chicke...