I'm writing the third and final book in the Cyborg Dreams trilogy. YAY! I've reached out for feedback as I go, joining a couple of writers groups. Writers critique groups can be quite helpful, but can also be harmful.  The trick is to have tough skin, and wade through the vast majority of it that isn't useful in order to find the gems that will send the work to the next level.

Cyborg Dreams: The Awakening Coming Soon!
I submitted a rough draft of Chapter 1 in Cyborg Dreams: The Awakening to two different critique groups. Here's what I learned:

Lesson 1: People base their opinions on very little facts, and often make wild assumptions. That is humanity, you can't expect a critique group to be different. The problem is that you have to figure out if the basis is reasonable, or that anyone else may feel the same way. The best way to handle it is to 1) Try and understand their logic and 2) Listen  to hear if anyone else has similar feedback. If no one else says the same thing and the logic seems flawed, say "Thank you" and forget everything the person said. Does my lead character really sound like a psychopath? No. But, that is the feedback I got. The guy even gave examples, each of which was a huge extrapolation and all of which added to no basis. No other person said the same thing (thankfully) so I can rest assured my character does not come off as a psychopath. 

Lesson 2: Taking negative feedback is easier when someone says something positive first. In fact, going straight into what you don't like about someone's hard work is a great way to get them to not like you or listen to anything you say ever again. I know that when I get a critique from someone who has said something nice, I'll take their suggestions more seriously. I was taught (in my professional career) that the best way to give feedback is to think of it like a sandwich: positive statements are the bread and things that could be improved go in the middle. Or we can take Mary Poppins' words of wisdom, "A spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down."

Lesson 3: Navigating in a frigid pool of filth, searching blindfolded for the light... that is how I feel sometimes listening to feedback and trying to find what is useful. No one is trying to make me feel that way. In fact, they think they are trying to help. They think what they say is important and hope that I take it to heart. This is the hardest lesson for me: the critique is of the work, not me. The people are trying to help me, not hurt me. I gave one woman such a glare that she started stammering... oops. 
Navigating Criticism by H.A. Burns

Lesson 4: Only incorporate what you want. Find what makes your story, in your style, better. People don't know what has happened before in the story or where it is going. Plus, if someone doesn't like it that doesn't mean others won't. Keep true to yourself. No one can tell you what to do. 

One thing that I have found very interesting is that in all the groups I've been to, no one is a published novelist like me. Maybe published authors don't require feedback? Or maybe they get it from another source. I enjoy the feedback I get from my friends and family, they love my writing. and compliment me like crazy. Nothing like what the critique groups do. But, what tidbits I've gotten has helped my writing even if the experiences are somewhat savage.