When I was a sophomore in high school, I discovered the wonderful tool of sarcasm got me a lot of laughs. Mercilessly I cracked jokes with a sarcastic bent, snapping out quick responses and glib comments. It’s one of the few memories I clearly retain from those days. Why? Because at some point I became aware of the emotions of the people who were the butt of my jokes, the focus of my sarcasm. They weren’t laughing. The pain in their eyes was easy to see. That’s when I understood that sarcasm wasn’t beneficial, but harmful.

I quit the practice and now use it only sparingly. I find it’s the worst form of comedy to employ. Oscar Wilde said, “Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.” Yet it is pervasive throughout our culture.

What is Sarcasm?

The Dictionary defines sarcasm as harsh or bitter derision or irony, a sharply ironical taunt; a sneering or cutting remark. Harsh.Bitter. Derisive. Taunting. Sneering, Cutting. Other dictionaries provide similar descriptive adjectives: mocking, contemptuous, scorn, and insult. None of those words sound good or healthy for a relationship.

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The New Dictionary of Cultural Literacy gives the following definition: A form of irony in which apparent praise conceals another, scornful meaning. For example, a sarcastic remark directed at a person who consistently arrives fifteen minutes late for appointments might be, “Oh, you’ve arrived exactly on time!”

If you seek out the origin of the word, it comes from the Greek sarkazein, which means literally to strip off the flesh, as if one were violently flaying a piece of meat.

Yes, but is it really harmful?

Practically, if one is on the receiving end, sarcasm is not much fun. Speeli.com summarizes why sarcasm is bad with the following list. You can explore the expanded explanations at their site, I am just including the main points here.

It makes people feel bad.It could be misinterpreted.It creates tension.It could be a sign of hate.Hostility disguised as humor.It could be a sign of mental instability.It’s one form of bullying.It prevents meaningful communication.It will make matters worse.It might show lack of empathy.It can ruin self-esteem.People will consider you mean.It can make you a coward.

Clifford Lazarus described the usefulness of sarcasm in relationships in his article on the Psychology Today website. He states, “If you want to be happier and improve your relationships, cut out sarcasm since sarcasm is actually hostility disguised as humor.”

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LIFEadvice Coach Kim Giles at KSL.com lays out six common reasons you might be using sarcasm:

You put others down to make yourself feel superior.You use it to ask for what you really want,instead of asking directly.Passive-aggressive anger.Life’s disappointments and suffering.You were teased and put down as a child. Now it’s payback.You like attention through humor.



But, it’s funny!

It can be, but it’s the same thing over and over: double talk. It’s saying one thing while really meaning another. It’s political-speak. It is untruthful and relies on the hearer to successfully understand the innuendo and make the mental connections to get to the real crux of what the person is trying to say.

But comedians use it all the time! Yes, they do, but not exclusively, unless you’re David Spade and I think everyone in Hollywood has now figured out he’s a one-trick pony. That’s all he can do.

Is there a place for sarcasm? Only in a dark world where people are unwilling to stand up and honestly speak the truth and are not interested in building a real relationship. Some Universities in Australia are threatening to ban sarcasm, which while I agree it’s not an edifying form of communication, it shouldn’t be banned. People should have the right to speak whatever they wish without constraints.

So, it’s really a question of are you being polite or not? Loving or not? Or just being critical.

References

Dictionary.com, LLC Editors (2018). The Definition of Sarcasm. Retrieved from http://www.dictionary.com/browse/sarcasm

The New Dictionary of Cultural Literacy, Third Edition Copyright © 2005 by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company. Published by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company. All rights reserved.

Online Etymology Dictionary, Editors (2018). Origin and meaning of sarcasm by Online Etymology Dictionary. Retrieved from https://www.etymonline.com/word/sarcasm#etymonline_v_22734

KSL.com, Kimberly Giles (June 16, 2014). What does sarcasm say about you? Retrieved from https://www.ksl.com/?sid=30323210

The Daily Wire, Kassy Dillon (November 16, 2018). Dillon:
Australian Universities are threatening to ban sarcasm, and I am offended.
Retrieved from https://www.dailywire.com/news/38440/dillon-australian-universities-are-threatening-ban-kassy-dillon

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