Hello, All.   I’m a mother to a teen girl and while I do not assume other parents don’t get angry about such things when I saw an account boasting a bio of “proud hebephile” I saw red. (note: a hebephile is someone who is sexually attracted to pubescent children.  Namely 11-14 year olds.  I obviously blocked and reported this guy.  I then, with some hesitance, unfollowed a few writer’s accounts I saw in his follower list.  In no way did I assume they approve of “hebephiles”. 

I was feeling exceptionally negative about the practice of immediately following folks back.  In this rash frame of mind, I posted about this, thus temporarily forgetting that bios do change and those writers I knew who followed the “proud hebephile” likely did this when his bio did not boast this information.  In other words, it wasn’t that they don’t check bios, it was just that this guy is a sneaky, shitty fuck. 

My decision to unfollow was unwise. 

I got called out (not by name) but by my post using the #writerscommunity hashtag by a much better known and more successful writer than myself.  So here I am, feeling like a bit of a dick.  Again. 

Obviously no one has a problem with a mom  (or indeed person…of which I am one) getting enraged about the potential normalization of a sexual taste for underaged girls. 

But Twitter writers get enraged when they feel you’ve abandoned them and made assumptions about follow practices and gone on a preachy thread about it. 

Now, I don’t feel like writing poetry or participating in the seduce me Sunday hashtag.  Being let on to the existence of a proud hebephile wasn’t exactly an inspiration for today’s themes and prompts.  Then pissing off a rather big member of the writing community due to an ill judged post, I’m in both “eww” and “Shit, Jessica…really?” mode.

I mentioned no one by name, apart from the reported account.

But it was bad judgement in reporting this by not privately notifying those who I noticed were following this degenerate and just doing a post. In all honesty I felt that I rarely if never have interacted with one particular account (and this is a great writer/poet, a funny person who I have literally no personal beef with), I was just wanting to get across the message of vetting who you follow.

Now, yes I do “house cleaning” generally with followers.  This I’m not sorry for.  If folks only follow me to get me to follow them then bugger off, or if their feed is purely promo or politics and nothing else (a bit is fine…but endless promos and political rants get tiresome).  Or if the account seems inactive then yeah…I probably will unfollow.  That sort of stuff is indeed my prerogative and I can encourage in my timeline what I want.  I’m not obliged to follow any and all writers just to be polite.

I need to work on being more assertive, less oversensitive and less hard on myself.  I’ve been told that by people who physically, personally know me and by Twitter friends.

BUT I will always say sorry for upsetting people when I genuinely feel I’ve been unfair.  There’s so much in the world of people feeling they don’t have to be accountable for their behavior that I am determined to reject that mindset.  I can’t control other people being entitled, petty, arrogant or narcissistic.  BUT I can admit it when I’ve been inappropriately preachy, short sighted and insensitive in my actions.  Being a “soft” or “nice” person isn’t a get out clause for upsetting people. 

I’ve been rash in unfollowing some people and in no way shape or form do I associate them with something as vile as the content within the blocked/reported account in question.  In hindsight a DM or general post before considering unfollowing would have been more level headed.  Bios do change, people can follow back whoever they want to follow back. 

I still recommend vetting people/checking bios when people can, I’m getting choosier and choosier about who I follow. 

I’m sorry for pissing off fellow writers and causing twitter drama.  It really wasn’t on my to do list when I woke up this morning.  All the same it happened and I regret it. 

I’m not leaving Twitter again though.  People can take unfollow me if they want, obviously they’ll refer to me directly or indirectly in a negative way whether I like it or not.  

Happy New Year.