Somewhere between then and now

Screaming jolts me from my sleep. A shrill, sickening sound that vibrates deep within me. My stomach lurches as vomit rises up, sitting in my throat. Covering my ears, I pray for it to end. Someone is in excruciating pain. As the seconds unravel, and my consciousness clears, I realise that it’s me; I’m the one screaming out in constant agony. I want to stop but can’t. I need to force it all out, the pain, the darkness and this feeling of complete dread. There’s this great hole in my chest, like an inkblot expanding, taking over me until there’s nothing left.
Sobbing, my energy depleted, my emotions turn to sorrow. The slightest movement makes my flesh tear. My hands are now sore, blistered gloves of skin. I want to wriggle out of this body, discard it like a cheap suit…I want to walk away from this pain, this living hell, this life…I want to die. Why didn’t I die?
The skin holding my face together seems too tight for my skull. I want to rip it off. Digging my fingernails in, I drag them roughly down my cheeks.
“It burns!” I cry. “It burns!” There’s blood caked in my nails, and yet I still scratch. I can’t stop. It must come away, this rotten shell… I want it off me! I tear and claw at it, not just my face now; my legs, arms, and stomach…every touch feeling like a scorch mark, a lighted match etching over this flesh. I know I’m still under here somewhere, a prisoner in my own body. How did I become this? I don’t know if I’ve been brought here to die but right now, I’d welcome it. I’m lost, alone in this unknown hell. The real me has to be here somewhere…but who the hell am I? What’s happening to me?
“Help…please help me.”
“Stop!” A slim, tall woman appears. “You must stop.”
I obey without question. Tears trickling down my cheeks feel like drops of acid. The woman moves closer. With blurry eyes I can see that she’s beautiful, the kind of woman people see in dreams…I must look disgusting to her. She smiles, and I immediately relax. Her silver eyes lock with mine, I feel a sense of weightlessness. The pain’s still there, but I’m floating up, away from it. I know when my eyes open again that this nightmare will still be ongoing…but for now, I’m letting go of everything. If this is death, then it can take me. I’m silent, my body numb as I await her instructions. I’m floating somewhere between my body and the ceiling. In this moment, I am content to die. “You need to rest.”
“Who are you?” My voice sounds distant, like it doesn’t belong to me.
“I am here to help you, Summer.”
“Yes, that’s my name, isn’t it…Summer.” I know that but can’t seem to think past it to any other details about myself. Every time I try, a huge mental door clamps down in my mind. Panic bubbles, tightening my chest, I can’t remember one thing about this ‘Summer’ person I’m supposed to be. I have no recollection of anything at all! “What’s happened to me?” I whisper.
“You were in a terrible fire. Luckily, you are still with us.”
“A fire? What fire?” Shaking, I look down at my injuries and anxiety sweeps through me all over again. “I want to die,” I sob. “You should have let me die.”
“Please don’t.” She carefully places her hand on my hair. I feel cooler, like an anaesthetic is washing over me. “The process will take a while. I’m going to give you something to ease your pain.”
I feel a pinch to my arm and I’m incredibly sleepy.
“Did you save him too?”
“Save who, Summer?”
“I-I…don’t know…” My sore eyelids weigh down over swollen eyes. “I should have died…” I utter as a welcome abyss embraces me. Kristy Brown