On a recent Sunday, each of the parishioners at the church where I attended Mass received a copy of a book called “101 Inspirational Stories of the Priesthood.” The pastor said he wanted parishioners to experience some “good news” about the Catholic Church. This gesture came as U.S. bishops were making a retreat in Chicago at the direction of Pope Francis, ostensibly to reflect on their role in the clergy abuse crisis.

The pastor apparently thought this book so important he had copies handed out —not at the end of Mass — but as people returned to their pews after receiving the Eucharist at communion, the most sacred part of the Mass.

Let me say loud and clear that not 101 stories or 1,001 stories of priests behaving as they are supposed to will heal the pain and disappointment felt by people in the pews. I write this as someone who considers my faith a great gift. I owe my education largely to the Catholic Church. I have been a daily Mass-goer for years. And I’ve been a Benedictine Oblate, a lay associate of a monastery, since 2013.

What parishioners need to hear from the pulpit is true repentance. We need evidence that this time Catholic leaders are serious about becoming more transparent and giving lay people a greater role in church affairs. What we need is nothing short of a Reformation.

Everything should be on the table. Priestly celibacy. Women in the diaconate. Women in the priesthood. Greater lay input into how pastors and bishops are chosen. Greater lay oversight of church finances. One reason the sex abuse cover-up went on for as long as it did is because bishops had virtually unquestioned control over church funds. They had the ability to extract hushed-up settlements with families.

It is often noted that churches aren’t democracies. True. But neither should they be absolute monarchies or dictatorships. We need to carefully read Scripture. What kind of church did Christ actually establish? Yes, he designated Peter to shepherd his early disciples. He didn’t prescribe a male priesthood in perpetuity. He certainly didn’t dictate that priests must never marry, or that bishops should have absolute control over what takes place in their diocese.

A parishioner donated $4,000 to purchase copies of the “101 Inspirational Stories” book. That person no doubt had good intentions. Still, I can’t help but think that $4,000 could have purchased 200 meals for hungry people. It could have paid the legal fees for an undocumented immigrant trying to gain asylum in the U.S. It could have helped pay someone’s medical bills. It would cover several months’ rent for some struggling family. It would even cover the cost of a used car for someone who has none.

So why do I remain a Catholic? Occasionally, I get so disheartened I begin attending services at churches in other denominations. Then I find I miss the celebration of the Eucharist. It is still an awesome thing for me to receive Christ into my own body when I take communion. One thing I think the Catholic Church gets right is the issue of the real presence of Christ in the Eucharist. The writer Flannery O’Connor was asked once about this. I love her response. “If it’s not the real presence,” she said, “then the hell with it.”

Why else stay? Let me introduce you to a man called Neal. I met Neal at daily Mass. He is the first person to go up to someone who is new at Mass. When the service is over, you can see Neal walking over to people he knows, offering a kind word, asking about their health or their families. As a kind of ministry, Neal carries a stack of pink cards with him that say “I Said A Prayer for You Today.” The prayer cards have a little poem printed on them. The first time I met Neal, he gave me a card for myself and one, he said, to take home to my husband.

So, many times I arrive at morning Mass preoccupied by work I have to do that day. Then I encounter Neal, telling me how happy he is to see me. reminding me he’s praying for me, as though he were a beam of light aimed straight at my soul.

I keep Neal’s prayer card in my purse and pull it out when I need a pick-me-up. Neal understands that church is community. It needs to be people who care about each other — as individuals. It’s not about preserving an institution.

All of us who continue to practice the Catholic faith need to play a role if the church is to heal and regain credibility. If we don’t demand change, we are complicit in the sins of those who have brought disgrace. It is simply not possible remain tone deaf to the pain that is driving so many good people from the faith.

“The hungry sheep look up and are not fed,” the poet John Milton wrote of the church of the 17th century. The same can be said today. How can each of us help bring about change? How can we be more like my friend Neal?
The Habit of Being: Letters of Flannery O'Connor
The Poetical Works Of John Milton