When someone has actually read something that I have written, whether it be a paper or a story or my book, and they say something good about it or mention a character they liked or a scene that stood out for them, I get self-conscious and almost embarrassed. I'm sure that I act like an idiot in response, but to be honest, it's because I'm proud of my work and happy that someone noticed and have not been taught to take compliments well.

That is a problem that I see in this world, that people are not taught to take compliments well. We are taught that we should be humble, and we should, but humble doesn't mean embarrassed to be noticed or self-effacing or self-deprecating. It means to be grateful for the attention, for the compliment, for the recognition, without bragging or being boastful. But that's not what we're taught. We are, instead, as a society, taught that the more negative reactions are appropriate.

I remember once turning in a paper to my Thesis Adviser and I knew it was a good paper, but my automatic response on handing it in was "Here's my paper. It likely sucks." and he rounded on me and said "Don't you ever do that again! Don't tell me that your paper sucks. That's for me to decide when I read it. Don't color how I feel about it before I get the chance to read it. Don't do that to me or to yourself."

I was stunned. First, because that's the closest to angry I had ever seen him and Second, because it hit me hard that he was right - I was self-sabotaging myself by coloring others opinions of my work before they ever got the chance to form an opinion of their own.
And why was I doing it? Because I knew the paper was good and I was attempting to head off my own learned embarrassed reaction to any good critique on it I might get.

It took this kind of wake up call to get me to realize that I am allowed...ALLOWED...to be proud of my work, to consider myself talented and intelligent, and that I don't have to be embarrassed to be considered so. Of course, I still have to fight myself to get past the years of learned behavior that tells me to downplay my accomplishments.

So, that was my epiphany about learning to accept compliments without being negative about myself. I hope that you have one that is as much of a wake up call without being damaging. (Mine was far from damaging - it was liberating!)

I still get embarrassed when people compliment my work, but it's a different kind of embarrassed now. It's the kind that says "yes, I know my work is good and I'm grateful that you appreciate it...but I'm still not used to receiving compliments and so, I'm awkward and don't know how to react." - because that's the truth.

Alright...done here for now!

Remember, Life is an Adventure! Live It!