What kind of person did you think you’d grow to be when you were younger? Successful? Happy? Confident? Creative? Motivated? Self-sufficient? Nurturing? Eloquent? Vain and self-obsessed?

Yup. I am now the type of person who owns one of these things and younger me is stupefied.

No, that isn’t a bizarre nipple clip. I mean…I guess you could use it that way? But you would have to have very sizeable nipples. And quite a bit of determination. And be into nipple clamps in the first place.

It’s als...