I was walking to work and there was a large cat standing on the pavement. As I crossed the road and reached the other side, it decided to do the same after and very slowly at that. I heard a car coming around the corner so jumped back out onto the road but the cat had gone under a parked car and I was left standing like a numpty, shouting, "watch out for the cat!"

Once I had stepped back onto the pavement I saw the cat staring at me between licking its paw as it wondered why on Earth I'd bothered to make such a fool of myself. Cats are such simple and self involved creatures. If I'd been flattened then I can guarantee it would have come up to my lifeless body and asked, "food?" before leaving me to find somewhere warm to have a kip. Darn cute little bug*ers, we're their slaves and they know it